Friday, February 01, 2008
Dégoûtant
Got a nasty burn on my hand yesterday. Spouse decided to go out with his friends from work so I popped a pizza in the oven for dinner. When I was pulling it out, the crust broke, and as it was falling, I tried to catch it with my free hand and the cheese bonded with my flesh. The pizza landed face down on the floor. As I was ow ow owing, I was interjecting "NO SARA!" to keep her away from the steaming mess on the floor. The flow of thoughts was very fast at that point as my hand resembled a cartoon burned hand, bright red, throbbing. "Now when was the last time the maid was here, sara stay away, it was Monday wasn't it, the floor's not that dirty, just our stocking feet have been on it, plus sara always cleans the kitchen floor of any detritus, a spatula, that's what I need, a spatula, Sara No, why aren't there any clean spatulas, shit, oh here's one." Then I scooped up the upside-down pizza onto a plate, scooped up the remaining goo and put it on top and spread it around. Twasn't half bad, actually. I consoled myself with the thought that it's good to challenge the body to germs now and then to keep that immune system primed and at the ready. But honestly, this morning, I'm a bit aghast that I ate something off the kitchen floor. I wonder how many sara hairs were in that mess. Ugh.
Think of them as added fiber. ;)
ReplyDeleteOkay, what I want to know is this: Did you do that because you gave up (and deep down you miss) regurgitating certain foods in front of your friends? Eewwww!
ReplyDeleteThe pain of your burn clouded your mind. I could eat something that just sat on top of the floor - like the crust. But I don't think I could scrape melted cheese off the floor and eat it. I'm in awe of you.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope a little mouse didn't poop on the floor during the night. Haha! I'm sure you'll be fine. You don't have Cockroaches do you? It is a good thing you found a clean spatula. What I wouldn't give to have seen a video of this. Ed
ReplyDeleteIf you ate the pizza with a cocktail, the liquor killed all the germs. At least that is how I would have dealt with that situation.
ReplyDeleteNothing is as hot as molten cheese. Sorry about your hand ... that's likely to leave scars.
ReplyDeleteAt least the spatula was clean.
ReplyDeleteI will take stories of you eating food off the floor over scat stories any day.
ReplyDeleteI could never do that, not out of some sense of propriety or anything, it's just that I don't have the immune system to handle the germs. Otherwise, well, it really would have depended on the maid's latest visit and I probably would have done the same thing. Ha!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're a better man than I am. I couldn't have done it. Has the burn blistered? If so, You should get some flamazine for it. Oh, and don't break the blister. That introduces infection. You should just let it break naturally, put flamazine on it, and a bandage over that. (In my line of work, we get small burns a lot.)
ReplyDeletetorn ate off the floor! torn ate off the floor! Well, surely you've had worse things in your mouth.
ReplyDeleteRemind me, if we ever meet and I happen to forget, never to eat at your house. Oh and don't let me kiss you either.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!!!
Ahhh, who am I kidding? I would eat at your house and kiss you too. Then we could talk about poo all night. :)
Um...
ReplyDeleteI got nuttin'.
Plus, the hot temperature of the cheese on the floor probably eliminated any remining germs on the floor. See, it's all good!
ReplyDeleteAdmitting it is the first step.
ReplyDeleteMy kitchen floor is definitely not clean enough to eat off. Gah.
Sorry about your hand, but still this post cracked me up, especially the "SARA NO!" bits.
Now you see this is the kind of stuff that at some time or another all of us have done but would never tell anyone and then you come along and blow the cover off this dirty little secret. I love it! Even as I type this and people are going to read it they will still say "Oh no I've never done that" and I'm going to say "Me either" This is some funny stuff and the best part is it's real.
ReplyDeletegonna heave :>) hee hee
ReplyDeleteSo, that's how you get Canadian Bacon on your pizza?
ReplyDelete-C
Ow. Hope the burn heals quickly.
ReplyDeleteAs for eating off the kitchen floor - you're a lot braver that I am. I'm very dédaigneux that way (the Québecois meaning, not the French meaning)
Hope your hand is okay, but I must admit laughing out loud as I read this story. I could absolutely picture it happening and hear the verbal stream of conciousness.
ReplyDeleteMark :-)
My floor is too scary to eat any thing that fell on it.
ReplyDeleteI hope your hand heals quickly.
Poor baby.
I probably would've tossed it. But, then again, if nobody else saw it, who knows?
ReplyDeleteEh.
The "five-seconds" rule totally comes into play here.
ReplyDeleteJust don't tell anyone.
haha hunger is the perfect motivator to eat things off the floor. Even goopy cheeze. Even when there's dog hair. I... probably would've done it. Especially if i was hungry, and i was looking forward to it, and i loved pizza (which i do).
ReplyDeletebut degoutant is right lol, especially upon reflection.
"NO SARA" hahahaa :D
Oh please. This from someone who chews his toenails. Nothing surprises me.
ReplyDeleteI hope your hand feels better, get some aloe for it. I would have been concerned that my dog would have burned his tongue while scarfing down the pizza. Anything on the floor is fair game to him.
ReplyDeleteHey, what doesn't kill you and all that....
ReplyDeleteThen again, you haven't posted today. Hope I didn't speak too soon? Take care of that hand! Yikes!
I figure there were only a few more Sara hairs than there would have been anyway. I probably would have done the same thing, and I bet my kitchen floor is grosser than yours. TMI, perhaps. I agree, it makes our immune systems stronger.
ReplyDeleteIt's a testimony to your clean floor that you felt comfortable eating from it.
ReplyDeleteDid Sara clean up the mess afterwards? Ooooh, squeaky-clean once more!
;)
Don't tell anyone, but I've totally done that, too.
ReplyDeleteMore than once.