Monday, July 25, 2016
* We can start with the George meister. He doesn`t really care for summer. Just blobs all day on the sofas. I had an appt. yesterday to get his nails clipped for free and completely forgot. Doh!
* Every summer seems to have a theme with me. This year it`s reading. I`ve gone through spells like this before where I can`t get enough. I`m averaging a book a week but one book, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, I read in one day. That was a lovely day.
* Although I didn`t think Outlander was all that great a novel, the story kept my interest as I am a sucker for anything to do with Time Travel (probably why I read that other book in a day) and I forced Serge to watch the series with me. It was pretty true to the novel, but I kept telling him what was going to happen (couldn`t help myself) or would say, "Hey, that`s not in the book."
* We`ve been spending lots of time with our besties, wine tasting, dining out, partying. Funny, she said to herself when she first met me, "He is going to be my gay friend!" She was my student at the time but totally turned out to be right!
* I got frustrated with the selection on Netflix and constantly getting thwarted when I accessed Netflix in other countries so although I am not cancelling, I got a membership at the video club (I couldn`t believe one still existed) for $10 a month I can get three dvd's at a time for up to a week at a time. They have ALL the tv series so I won`t have to wait for Netflix to put one I want to see on rotation. The latest we are watching is Helix.
* The funniest thing happened the other day. I was sitting reading on the sofa and Serge was over by the door smoking. Suddenly I hear, "WHAT???" and turn to see him walking funny toward the bathroom. He shut the door and then I heard, "GROSS! SERGE! YOU DON'T DO THIS. GROSS!" over and over. Then,"BOTH LEGS! DISGUSTING!" Naturally, I was asphyxiating myself with laughter. Apparently he has never sharted before. It was so funny to hear him scolding himself.
* This is how I felt when I finished work for the summer. But then I got asked to do a Mon-Wed evening class. I never say no to work (my longtime rule) but I really don`t want to go tonight.
* I don`t suppose I've mentioned that I quit smoking. Well, I did and this better be the last freaking time. I had a few cigs in Cuba in February thinking, it`s just on vacation. Idiot. Serendipitically, I quit on July 1st, the same quit day as my over five year quit. Here`s to a smoke free life. Now if we can get Serge on board.
* The favorite books I have read this summer are The Book of Lost Things by Connelly and The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Gaiman. It turns out I like fantastical reads.
* Yours truly, failing. I tried a total of five times to get up and failed. I think the jet ski was just shy of a horsepower. I was completely crippled for a week afterwards. Crip Pulled.
* Serge has been trying to get a job for nearly a year now. This has put a lot of stress on our household financially. He has almost been hired a couple of times but something always happens to prevent it. I have to decide if we can do Serge`s 50th birthday cruise in South America by Aug 1st when final payment is due. I think we will go. You only live once, and it`s only money.
* Do you realise that you don`t pronounce the "t" in can't? It's true. The difference between can and can't is not the pronunciation of the tee. Can is unstressed and can't is stressed in sentences. Say them in a sentence and observe for yourself.
* Serge`s cousin bought a house on a lake. We are welcome any time. We will be taking them up on that frequently.
* The French from France are always the ones who leave bad comments about the unit downstairs. It's like they expect to have everything in brand new condition. My favorite lately is the comment, "there was dust under the bed". Really? Is that where you spend your time? Ridiculous.
* I have not announced the last three blog posts on Facebook, hehe. Feel free to scroll down and catch up. Thanks everyone for stopping in. I hope all your summers are as fun as ours! Mwah!
Thursday, July 07, 2016
I recently became aware that I wish death upon a person. When the thought would come to my mind, my good self shamed me, what a terrible thing to think. It would be one thing if it were Donald Trump I were wishing gone, as I am sure no small number of people desire. No, and I am no Trump fan, but he has stolen nothing from me. Is that it? Is that why I want this person to die? And just what is it that he or she stole from me? A lot, I can tell you that. But it is a wrong thing to be thinking and yet I catch myself daydreaming about it like I did in my teenage bedroom trying to will myself to time travel after seeing Somewhere In Time. I don`t imagine killing however, no I have no taste for that and prison, I am certain, would not suit me well. (Do they have martinis in prison? This just came to mind.) No, I imagine the person dead in the coffin at the funeral home, all gussied up with tearful family members viewing the final view. And it makes me smile, and then I am ashamed again for having thought it and smiled at it.
Sometimes I say it out loud. Die _________. And then I realize that this is the trait of a crazy person. Is that what drove people to be crazy, the theft of something deep and unforgivable within them? I wonder. So there is a dark side to me after all. I wish death upon someone. I know if I am patient enough, it will come to pass.
I had a friend in high school. She was extremely talented and when I was in her presence, it was like I was validated, this god talks to me. My father was going through a photography phase at the time and I have some eight by ten glossies of her and I. Sometimes she talked about death. What did I think happened after we die. I was an adolescent without a firm belief yet. She would daydream about it and even talk about killing herself. Once she faked a rape attack to get out of her shift at Del Taco. We went to
instead and danced and did poppers. I would have gone anywhere with her. She
had a toga party and to impress her, I painted myself gold with spray paint.
The kind that you use to paint a car. Later I learned I could have died. Hours
later, after having won for best costume, I was being scrubbed with gasoline to
get the paint off (highly unpleasant) and I thought that it had still been
worth it, to paint myself with spray paint. One day she told me she was going
to do it, to kill herself, I can`t remember how, but I think pills were
involved. She had talked about it so many times, it didn`t alarm me at all, she
was just fascinated with it, that`s all. Well, she did it. She didn`t die but
she had attempted. Several days later when it became known that she had told me
beforehand, the grown-ups were very cross and made me feel bad. How could I
have said nothing? Her parents banned her from speaking to me again.
A few years ago, she finally succeeded in doing it by jumping in front of a commuter train. In comments on the newspaper article, people scolded her (a dead person) for her selfishness (I was 3 hours late for work!) but they hadn`t known her like I had. I guess I can understand the scolding since she stole from those commuters. Stole hours of their lives while authorities cleaned up her guts from the tracks.
I think about the fact that I daydream about wanting someone dead and it reminds me of her, who always wished to know death herself. In my case, it is just selfishness, as it is impossible to recover the stolen goods, so I want revenge. I don`t want to do it mind you, that smacks of effort, but I will be happy when it comes to pass.