Friday, December 16, 2005

Pity the fool

Here's something I've been working on for a long time. And it is especially difficult to achieve during the holiday crunch time, which is why this is a good time to bring it up. When someone pisses me off due to their words or actions, I try to feel pity for them instead of hatred.

Why?

Well because frankly, it feels better to pity than to hate.

Imagine seeing a dog hit by a car, now imagine that the driver is George Bush. Both provoke strong emotions.

I don't know about you, but the pity response feels less, um...dirty?

Plus, every time I've lost my temper in life and gone off on someone, I later feel shame at my lack of emotional control. And the result of these outbursts is always less than optimal.

When I started this self-work, I set out to rid myself of anger. Anger feels lousy, I don't care how you defend it. It's shitty I tell you, shitty.

But. Then someone jumps in front of me in line, or pushes me in the metro, or sprays me with dirty slush as they careen around the corner in their monster SUV (MOTHER F$%KER, I'M TALKING TO YOU) and the natural rise of anger colors my face and tarnishes my heart. It's normal to feel angry in those situations I suppose, but I'm pretty sure I could change that. (Farting is normal and natural, but we learn to control that.)

This is where pity comes in. Because if the person doing the rude, aggressive, selfish thing is feeling rude or aggressive, why that's not an enviable state to be in. I know I'm not feeling good inside when I'm bitchy and mean to people.

So, pity that person.

And if you work on this for a while as I have, you'll actually start to laugh when others sport such poor behaviour. It's like when you laugh at the guy who gets hit in the nuts with a ball. You feel pity and you laugh. After all, holding on to anger and resentment is only hurting oneself.

It's not easy. No, even now, after many years I am only successful half the time.

But I've also decreased my anger by half.

Trust me it's worth the work. (And I'm as much saying it to myself as I am to you, did I mention the SUV guy and the slush spray?)
at

7 comments:

  1. dantallion9:10 AM

    I swear that wasn't me with the slush...

    I agree with you - and for the most part, I've learned to curb my temper - I only very rarely get angry, on the odd occassion that I do, people wouldn't realise it. I'm not sure that I turn that anger into pity so much as I've gotten really good at telling myself that losing it, yelling, etc won't get me anywhere, it probably won't help the situation, and (like you) I'll feel like crap later for losing control.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jason10:08 AM

    For a good example of self-control check out this guy's blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. St. Dickeybird11:30 AM

    Hmmm, i've never thought to curb my temper.
    Glad it works for you, though.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Patricia3:27 PM

    i do something similar. i'm trying to really see the relationship i have to the world and those around me. that things happen for very specific reasons, and each one is an opportunity for growth. or not. so i can choose my reaction to a so-called "bad" experience as much as i can choose a reaction to a good experience. and each is happening not by coincidence. but with a purpose.

    sometimes it works, sometimes i cuss like a drunken sailor.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Snooze4:08 PM

    I'm working too on curbing my temper. I love your view of pitying people. Except of course I now have Mr.T's "I pity the fool" phrase stuck in my head.

    ReplyDelete
  6. CoffeeDog9:03 PM

    I try like hell to be nice, not get snippy, esp at work. Some days it's very , very hard. I even decided to start going to church at one point in my life to try and flush some of the anger from system. It did help, and it'd be good for me to go back!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous1:48 AM

    that's strange, when I laugh in people's faces they always get mad at me. It must work well for you because you're tall!

    ReplyDelete