99% of the time, I'm so crushingly in love with our dog, Sara, that it borders on fatal attraction. For balance, the remaining 1% represents feats of such repugnance that my love for her is squelched more quickly than a masturbating teenager's hardon upon mom entering the room. (No, I'm not speaking from experience.)
Sunday started out in it's usual relaxed pace. I parked at the computer for a few hours, fed the dog and let her outside to do her business. I dressed and went out to the market while spouse slept in, way in.
When I returned, I realized that I had forgotten my key (for the first time in several years, though I was still incensed with myself) and had to pound on the door for spouse to get up and let me in. When he opened the door, a funky odor was present. I thought that perhaps spouse had let a particularly ripe one. I doffed my shoes and brought the bags to the kitchen. The kitchen seemed to contain a magnified version of the odor. I started sniffing the air to determine the location of whatever matter was dispersing the sickening aroma. Frankly, I thought the dog had shit (shat?) in the house (which she never does.)
And then I saw it. A football sized mound of vomit lay in the corner of the room. The mere sight of the mound set me to gagging as I ran out of the kitchen and said to (just woken up) spouse that it was his turn to deal with the mess. (I had cleaned up vomit already a week or so ago.)
Sara, our lovely yellow lab, has a thing for cat turds. When I say "has a thing for", I mean "loves to devour". And it's just our luck that we have a crazy cat lady next door who has, count 'em, 14 cats. They like to creep into our yard and leave gifts for Sara. Oh, we try to get them before she does, but we are not very successful because cats BURY their shit. And Sara is good at digging them out, a la pigs and truffles.
Anyway, spouse went to clean it up and he gagged the whole time. The act of cleaning it released more of the vile odor and set me to gagging as well in the other room. The two terrible smells of dog vomit and cat shit swirling around us, we were on the verge of vomiting ourselves. The dog just watched, wagging her tail.
Considerable time will be required before further kisses are dispensed.
Oh I am with ya on the nasty dog habits....what is it about dogs and finding cat turds in the yard? They can be out there for HOURS grazing.
ReplyDeleteI'm gagging reading this. I apologize too to all dog owners near me - I let my cat outside so no doubt your dogs are eating her turds.
ReplyDeleteYeah that was the most intense viscreal reaction I've ever had while reading a blog post. I'm going to try and eat breakfast now. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteYou write that story so good, I could almost smell it and see it myself ;)
ReplyDeleteBleh animals in house is always a problem. Leave the dog outside, problem fixed !
You SOOOOOO have to read "Marley and Me"!!!!!! I don't want to give too much away, but that nasty little habit is something I just read about last night. Go pick up the book today!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's all my years as a mom, but that didn't make me gag at all. I'm harcore. hahah.
We have a dog just so I don't have to scoop the litterboxes.
ReplyDeleteI'm even gagging from the whiff over here ;-)
ReplyDeletePoor Sara ;-(
lmao at st. dickeybird
ReplyDeleteSweet and sour baby jeeeeezuz! The dog and the kitty "rocca". I though mine were the only ones with a fetish for cat crap. I should stop buying dog food and just buy more cat food for the dog's to narf secondhand. UGH
ReplyDeletekb
Ok, I honestly don't know where y'all got your dogs, but my dog has never, nor would ever eat cat or dog shit. I actually know a few dogs that love to eat their own or other doggie turds. My dog Kalyx is neurotic, that she even side-steps pooh that is on the grass to avoid stepping in it. She gets that neurotic behaviour from me.
ReplyDeleteHappy kissing! LOL
that is just naaaasty. i seem to have a perma-scowl on my face now. and i swear, as soon as i find my happy place, i see it coated in vomit covered feline poo.
ReplyDeletei'll be needing a new happy place.
A friend of mine had 2 cats and 2 dogs. The litter box had to be barricaded to keep the pooches away from the litter-encrusted "kitty snickers". (What makes this such a delicacy, I don't care to know.)
ReplyDeleteHey, try cleaning up some GRANDMA shit!!
ReplyDeleteI gag at the thought of my puppy eating his OWN shit... like the other day, I was sitting on the couch and I saw Fletcher chewing on something near my feet... and then I smelled it... his own turkey and rice poop being chewed on and devoured.
ReplyDeleteExcuse me... I think I gotta hurl.
Wow, that is entirely gross. And that's a lot of vomit; I bet she was feeling that one for a while.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about taking an early lunch when i read this. Now I'm not. God, that's vile.
ReplyDeleteoh ma gad.
ReplyDeleteone of our dogs does this too.. have to keep the litter box uber clean because if not, she'll run to it when no one is around for a little treat, and then vomit up cat shit, cat litter and bile for ME to clean up.
there is nothing more foul on earth.
gross.
ReplyDeleteBut I giggled out loud as I read it.