The case of the missing poopy wipes

It's official, I have fallen in love with wet wipes.


Vegas cuisine, harsh as it is on one's plumbing, coupled with the desert climate make for some serious anal chapping with regular paper. I tend to forget the ass problems of yesteryear which is why Rebekah (in her infinite wisdom) brought a brand new box with her.

In Vegas, we had two rooms that connected. We only needed the one room, but since we had two, we designated the surplus room to be the pooping room. So Rebekah stationed the box of wet wipes on the top of the toilet tank there. It was wonderful, I must say. I learned what it is like to actually anticipate the cool wetness applied to my sphincter. (plus you can get a good feel for the land down there by slightly rubbing. you can't really do that with regular paper.)

Normally, the Vegas dump would consist of trepidation and wincing. But not this time. In love I am, with wet wipes.

On the second day in Vegas, imagine my horror upon entering the pooping room to find the box of wet wipes missing. Panic quickly ensued.

"Rebekah! Where's the wet wipes? Where did you put them?"

"They're on the back of the toilet, aren't they?"

We both frantically looked all over the rooms and bathrooms to no avail. Nothing. Vanished.

We decided that the maid must have accidentally swiped the wipes, thinking they were trash or something. We were aghast with the prospect of facing the bowl unarmed.

It was Rebekah who took action while I sat in the corner looking forlorn.

"Hi, I'm calling because there is a box of wet wipes missing from the room." Rebekah went on to describe the box in full detail while I imagine the housekeeping representative to whom she spoke couldn't stop rolling her eyes. I didn't think prospects were good for getting the wet wipes back so I couldn't even enjoy the humor of the moment.

A half an hour later, while getting ready to go out to the theater, Rebekah found the wet wipes in her suitcase. She was flummoxed as to how they had gotten there. (I, on the other hand, was not flummoxed at all - she had put them there.)

Rebekah called back housekeeping, and as though written for television, the lady answered, "So, did we find something in our room?"

Nonetheless, we were excrementally relieved, yuk yuk yuk.