Saturday, July 16, 2005

Mother bloodsuckers


Again with the heat, man. Already we've had the hottest June EVER recorded here and now July is shaping up to be a sweathouse nightmare. I so want to love summer; the festivals, the nightlife, the twice weekly fireworks shows, the lightning storms and lush growth in the parks. And the bike rides, I had these great dreams of exploring the bike paths in other parts of the city, going on long rides along the river, and taking advantage of this wonderful network of dedicated bike lanes. All of those things are rendered drudgery when the perceived temperature tops 100.

I'm telling you.

The neighbor upstairs, Guy, informed me of the local public pool, and generally extolled its virtues of proximity and size. All I could think was that you couldn't pay me to enter a public pool with hundreds of other humans a large percentage of which are children. "Thanks, Guy I'll have to check it out" I said. Would this qualify as prissiness? This revulsion for coating my body with urine (yes, I know about the chlorine). I was a kid, and I'm fairly sure that I was not alone in peeing in the pool. I'm just saying.

Should we stick it out or break down and get the window box air conditioner? You know how it's going to go down if we do buy it: the weather will change and we'll have a cool rest of the summer, and I'll be subject to a permenant harangue by my (gosh I love him) battleaxe.

Speaking of said battleaxe, I would like to give only a cursory review of yesterday's events, the details too tawdry to go into. It seems that the manly cutting tool could be seen having his handle polished in a park nearby oh about 3 am. Mitigating circumstances might include that the tool had been marinating in cleaning solution for 8 hours before this event. Today the cutting tool is full of rue. (giggle)

In other news, I went on a quest for more deet. The back yard, harboring as it does this year's winning mosquito breeding ground, is a gauntlet of blood sucking. Each time I am seduced by the warm summer breezes and the new patio, I step out only to swiftly have my blood let. I have started coating myself with bug spray every day (I like to think of it as my camping perfume) and ran out of the Off from last year. So I found some super heavy duty bug spray (30 percent deet) and when I used it, I got a buzz from the fumes. A poison buzz, nice.

So today dawns again with the promise of more sweating and bloodletting, my body an apparent bottomless well of such liquids. Sigh.

3 comments:

Em said...

Your bitterness is very funny to me. Oh, there is a non-DEET bug spray that has been approved by the FDA. We bought some and it worked in Colorado.

Sure the pool will be full of urine, but you might be desperate. Oh, and the Harlot broke down and installed *their* AC.

BipolarPrincess said...

I like your writing style, haven't seen you around before. Come by for a visit ;)

Princess

PS: Avon sells DEET-free insect repellent, I've got the hook up!

Rebekah said...

I really want to know more about the tawdry details.

That's the interesting part to me.

And target has some cheap bug zappers. Actually, they have these hilarious handheld bug zappers that look like badmiton racquets. Hours of fun.