Monday, April 17, 2006

Peppertree Park part 4 (final)

Part 3 2 1

Warning: graphic gay sexual scenes

Once in the car, Gary kept an eye out for anyone who may have noticed him picking up the boy, especially the police. He asked Eric his age and where he went to school as he checked the rearview mirror and nervously drove into a nearby housing development. Eric answered his questions and asked the same of Gary. Gary took Eric's hand and placed it into his lap where Eric could feel Gary's excitement. Eric had a sinking feeling about it all (Where is he taking me!!!) but continued ignoring it, his quest for this knowledge too strong for him to deny.

Gary stopped at a new park created in a just finished neighborhood. Some homes still didn't have grass yet. There was no one in this park as they drove up and parked. Gary and Eric got out of the car and headed for the restroom located in the middle of a large field of grass. And again their hearts beat faster, and the anticipation rose and then they were there, inside, tearing open shirts, and kissing.

Eric had never kissed a man and wasn't sure he liked it. His interest in this whole affair was really to check out other male sexual organs, and he was already freaked out about how MUCH he realized he wanted to check them out. So the kissing wasn't really fun, it felt like kissing his father, and he tried to give his attention to Gary's (really big) penis. And then things got worse.

Gary, excited as hell about the boy, was thrilled to see him move down there. As Eric took it in his hands and shyly touched it with his mouth, Gary thought he would explode right there. Then Gary's instinct took over and he put his hand behind the boy's head to guide him.

Yes, Eric was blowing Gary.

In his excitement, Gary pushed harder, faster and more furiously with his hand. Didn't he notice Eric's repeated gagging? He couldn't see the gag-induced tears streaming down Eric's face and really just got caught up in his own orgasm which he let fly while he banged Eric's face into his crotch so brutally. Eric gagged and choked and sputtered as they separated, Gary's cum dripping off his chin onto his shirt. When Gary saw the boy like this, shame flew into him as fast as his his lust had. He went to get some toilet paper from the stall and wiped himself and handed a wad of it to Eric.

"I've really got to go, thanks and see you around." Gary said and left, taking with him a big chunk of Eric's innocence.

And now we have the shot panning away from Eric, dirty and orgasmless, wiping himself up. We see Eric leave the building and walk across the park grass in the direction of his home. The camera rises into the sky until the park is a wee patch of green in a sea of city. "You Can't Always Get What You Want" plays. The final line appears on the screen: Eric never went back to Peppertree Park.

***********

Okay so yeah, maybe that last part there is a way of distancing myself from all of this. Jesus H Christ on a stick, but that was more than I had bargained for when I started writing that. This befalls me often, this not thinking things through stuff. You know I love reading Farmboyz tales of seedy excursions. His power with the pen makes everything seem beautiful (for there truly is beauty in everything) and I wanted to try my hand at it. I thought about this story because of the amazing excitement of discovery, but once I started really getting into it, I realized that that event had a lot more to it, much of which I haven't even thought about for a long time. So, what I thought was going to be a story about discovery was really a story of rape, go figure. And then I discovered that I have some shit deep down, issues if you will, with this. (And I don't have a therapist, but if I did, I'm sure we'd start here.) So, now it ends up being kind of a painful story instead of uplifting. Ugly? not really. Beautiful? certainly not.
Anyway, sorry to thrust all this on you, we'll go back to our regular and more superficial programming tomorrow.

29 comments:

CoffeeDog said...

Wow. That must have been a difficult thing to keep to yourself as you grew up. Thanks for sharing your story.

The older I get, the more I think everyone has a tale of sex gone bad as a kid. I don't think learning about sex is easy, no matter what the situation is.

fling mama yee said...

Thrust indeed. On a stick, for sure.

This is a rather grim story, yes: one of sad disconnection, misguided curiosity, desire gone wack; poor controls, idiotic judgement, and sticky guilt; the childish fantasies of an adult and the adultish fantasies of a child simultaneously deflating into awkward suburban parody; irresponsibility, low craziness, and instant criminal risk, of course.

But no, it's not a story about rape.

And we're glad for that, at least.

Thank you, T, for giving us such a memorable glimpse of profound grayness.

nongirlfriend said...

That took a tremendous amount of courage to share. I'm glad you did and hope you don't regret it.

I wish I had better words for you.

Snooze said...

That was incredibly thought-provoking and I hope that the retelling ultimately helps you to come to terms with the event.

I was struck by how you noted that all that was wanted was to see another man's penis, and suddenly it all went so fast. I'd never thought about gay youth not having a safe environment to just experiment and take things slowly. As a straight girl, it was just assumed you would start of with kissing, then groping, etc., with your peers.

St. Dickeybird said...

Wow.
Thanks for writing.

Chunks said...

Oh this story is so sad! I think everyone can relate to this because virtually everyone's "first time" was not what they expected. (I'm not evolved enough to want to blog about mine! haha!)

Jason said...

What a sad story. I was hoping Gary would have thought twice and dropped you off at home instead of taking you to that second bathroom.

jjd said...

hmm... please don't say you are sorry to thrust this upon us as opposed to "superficial programming". I'm sure it's the unexpected, random stories like this (for me at least) that cement people to your blog like a barnacle. The courage and honesty in retelling this story is admirable and am glad to have been around when you shared it. I hope your hubby gets an opportunity to read this if you haven't told him about it yet?

While the events of the tale may not be beautiful or uplifting, the retelling of the memory is to me.

Patricia said...

my mind doesn't know what to say.
my heart just wants to hug you.

Rebekah said...

There is so much more to this story than I ever realized.


You need to do something fun and frivolous for yourself now; after all the deep stuff you've been digging up.

GayProf said...

I agree with jjd. You showed a great deal of courage to rethink this memory and put it into writing.

Thanks for sharing it with us. I hope it gave you new insight into yourself.

Dantallion said...

Wow. That didn't go the way I was expecting it to - which is usually true of life and really good stories. Ugly? Not really. Beautiful? No. Powerful? Most definitely.

I'm sorry that was your first experience - or that is was an experience at all. Sad thing is, I bet Gary doesn't even remember it.

Em said...

God. Your level of honesty here is really beautiful. I disagree with your commenter who says it wasn't rape. You gave up your power in the situation because you were trying to meet your needs. Because you were a child. I know a lot of 13 yo kids. They are kids. I think it was very courageous of you to use that word. Rape is a power grab.

I'm really admiring you right now. You took yourself to a hard place. Please notice all the support you are getting.

epicurist said...

If we should ever meet, we would have much to talk about my friend. My heart and lost innocence also go out to you.

Holly said...

i hate the fact that first sexual encounters can go so awry. i just wanna give eric a hug and let him know he's not the only one.

*pat pat*

S. said...

Absolutely NO apology necessary. THESE are the stories that keep me reading other blogs. Not the sex part...but the life from a different perspective. Blogging is a way to voyeur and look in on someone's life. I feel like I know you a little better and am now wanting to know even more about the person you are.

Keep writing. This should be in a short stories book! you should be an author. I have some similar stories...but could NEVER articulate it in the way you have! Awesome!!!

teh l4m3 said...

Yes you should try and publish this.

anabel said...

Like was said earlier, no appologies needed. It was hard to read but so very valuable.

Thanks for sharing. Awesome writing!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry things turned out so badly for you. **hugs**

As others have mentioned, you write very well. I was hooked from the first instalment. Keep it up!

Jane

toobusyliving said...

Too many "Gary's" in the world, and far too many "Gary's" in positions of power, either real or perceived. What there are far too few of in this world are "Eric's", people that are brave and open and willing to share. I like knowing "Eric's," they make life better for everyone around them. :)

madamerouge said...

Your story captures that heart-in-throat, surreal, time-slows-down feeling of teenaged sexual initiation. (Why am I remembering Fast Times at Ridgemount High right now?)

bunny said...

You are so gutsy to write this. Especially the ambiguity and the mixed emotions. I think too many people who have similar experiences can't get past that.

Addict said...

You are amazing...

Writing like this ('In my Past' archives) has been worth it's weight in gold to me...
I hope you find gold here as well...
all of us readers have.
Thank you.

Kevin said...

wow ...

Normlr said...

Wow. Good for you for putting it out there. It's better than keeping it pent up inside. I just wish that there weren't so many other men out there with similar stories.

Donna said...

i found myself crying as i read this. (i think it's pms though) i too have a story, as you may remember, but mine is much uglier.
thank you for being brave enough to share it with us.
love,
d

farmboyz said...

A true story well told is a good and valuable thing. When these things are repressed, or hidden or censored or laundered, everyone loses, and common folk get twisted with fear and denial.

Thanks for it, Torn, and it really does require more installments. What happened to you next? Was your next encounter any better? Did the first one change how you saw your future? I think it might be about time for me to cough up the First Time story.

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

I felt sad for reading this but that's life huh? We've all something hidden, but that was something else.

Greg said...

Isn't it amazing the power that putting words on a page has for helping us remember times and experiences past?

Well-written and thoughtfully presented, Torn. Thank you for sharing this.