I survived my first week long intensive. I think the students liked it too because they said they would protest if I didn't teach the second half of their class after Christmas. At lunch yesterday they asked if I had children ( in a big class, I talk very little about myself, it's their job to practice speaking English together and my job to facilitate that) and I said, "No, I'm gay and married to a man." Of course they didn't see that as an automatic reason for not having children and then one of them told me how she was inseminated at my age (44) and why couldn't we just hire a surrogate to carry a baby for us. After all she reasoned, a child of your own changes your life. True enough, but I don't see myself with a teenager in the house while I'm in my sixties. I came home and bounced that off Serge and he felt the same way. It just wasn't our path in this life and we're both fine with that. Now a pooch is another story.
I got an email from my teaching buddy that I used to work with and commute with. He says it's his slowest session ever and that he feels semi-retired. That would have been me. This new job falling in my lap at just the right time is making me so grateful, I just can't help thinking I'm being looked after. I'm not getting rich but my needs are being met. Gratitude.
This week is another fun part of the new job. I'm basically off except for my two evening courses. I'll use this week to prep for the next intensives and loaf about. Also, I'll try to stop by the bloggers since I've had zero time slash energy this week for it. 479 posts in my queue to read. That's going to take me a while. Anyway, I'm back this week so I'll post a bit more I think. Have a lovely weekend.
12 comments:
It's funny how, in some ways, we haven't always caught up in our minds that being gay and married to a man does not exclude the possibility of children. That being said, I'm totally with you and Serge on that front; it wouldn't be the time for me, either, to start at 44. Then again, even at 24, for me the notion of having kids was a matter separate from being gay. I've known since I'm a teen that I haven't the temperament for having kids.
It's also funny how things fall in place work-wise. I'm really happy that it's working out well for you, albeit with a rather intensive schedule.
My blogging dry spell continues, so I'm not adding to your catching up of bloggers' posts to read. Maybe that's why I'm leaving you a longer than usual comment, to compensate. :-P
It's been proved that having children is no indicator of how happy one will be. (I guarantee they will change your life, however.) You know yourself and have chosen wisely. But I love that people automatically include gay couples in their questions about it.
As I was reading your post my first thought on reading your gay and married comment was to think, "but that doesn't preclude kids". Maybe that's because I know so many gay and lesbian families. Anyhow, I love the fact that your class wasn't phased at all. I love Quebec.
How wonderful that your class reacted rather ho-hum to your disclosure!
As for the children, your student is correct in that being gay should not preclude being a parent - whether through a surrogate or through adoption -- *However* I also celebrate your decision not to be a parent! In my years I have seen far too many children (of heterosexuals) who were not wanted or who were only wanted as "trophies". The culture and families sometimes pressure couples to have children that they do not want. It makes me incredibly sad to see the results of such bad decisions.
When I turned 40, some gene suddenly turned on and made me want to raise a child. I initially dismissed it as a fear of my own mortality, an attempt to leave something behind. But now I see it more as just a way of helping a child that needs some help. I often think about adopting, but my partner isn't ready yet.
Much as I enjoy kids, David's not keen on the idea and we can neither afford nor make the necessary space in our lives for a child. So I'm content to be favorite uncle, though I have broached the idea of hosting exchange students at some point.
I love, Love, LOVE that you're hesitant of dealing with a teenager in your sixties. Maybe being almost done raising teenagers has made me cocky?
Anyway, Gratitude is the best feeling in the world. I think the more grateful you are, the more things will fall into place.
479 eh? That's kind of overwhelming.
I keep it pretty well hid, but I just don't enjoy being around children -- even a little bit.
With one or two exceptions, though, I have really fantastic students this semester. It makes such a big difference.
Children: Now there's a complicated topic. If you want a been-there-done-that tale of woe, read my last few posts.
The intensives sound kinda fun, actually. Glad you enjoyed it.
In my thirties, it occurred to me that I might've been a great Dad, but alas, different paths lead different places...and these days, I'm quite content to be a sort-of Dad to the Greatest Cat Ever, and a fun uncle to my friends' kids.
Enjoy your week. Time for all the Thanksgiving prep, eh? How timely is your gratitude.
If kids would change my life half as much as I changed my parents I have three words for you (or me, I guess):
NO THANK YOU!
I admire men who want to have kids, but I'm not one of them. And to be honest, I don't know any who have them either.
The problem is when the path doesn't go the way one wants. I'm glad you are fine with how your path went; I think it's so hard when it takes a zig, when all one wants is a zag.
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