Friday, December 12, 2008

Towel conundrum update

Okay so I found that question I posed the other day to be very interesting. Apparently so did readers. Such great ideas for keeping face and ass separate. But the very best came in yesterday. Franck says he uses one side of the towel for face and the other for the rest of the body, and that you can tell by the fold on the finished ends of the towel. All there is is to decide that and then you'll never have what happened to me happen. I did like the other ideas too, like having two towels, one for face and one for everything else. Or the solution of having a go with the washcloth while in the shower. That way, at least you can rinse any brownage out on the spot. (I'm such a twelve year old, as I can't stop giggling as I write this out.) But Franck's idea wins because I don't have to change anything about my routine except to notice which side of the towel I've got pressed to me. I'm thinking the skid mark was an anomaly because I'm pretty fastidious about the wiping. I've got to have two absolutely clean passes with the toilet paper before it's safe to pull the pants up. Don't tell me you do more. I suppose the only other thing to consider would be the method of washing the zone. But we'll save that for another time, ahem.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Skid mark is such a funny term. I use two diferent toilet paper swipes then a wet wipe then another toilet paper pass which must be clean. I've seen recycled Toilet paper at Sam's Club but since it was tinted brown I passed. ed

David said...

I used to do more. I had my GP tell me to ease up, as I was starting to make myself bleed.

Yeah. Not good at all.

CoffeeDog said...

If you use the washcloth for rigorous ass cleaning, then you'll need two wash clothes, an ass cloth and a rest of the body cloth.

Patricia said...

I still want a new one twice a week because the fluff factor decreases after more than a few days. But like the idea of a face side and a butt side.

Have you seen the towels that are printed as such? http://buttfacetowel.com

Polt said...

I guess Im twelve as well, cause I giggled all the way through this post, and the previous towel one as well. :)

HUGS...

Roxrocks said...

You and I are the two most poop-obsessed people I know. Your package in the mail proves it because I am excited about reading it!

Perhaps you sharted between washing and drying?

A Lewis said...

Brownage?? I'm going to have to Google that one. We have a little box of Target Flushable Wipes in the cupboard right next to the toilet. A clean-hole-freak will always finish up the job with a pleasant, moist wipe of his hole. I'm surprised you aren't doing that already, you hole freak.

don said...

Brownage?
Come on people, I am eating my breakfast over here. Ewww.
@A Lewis How convenient to have butt wipes with a Target on them. Wouldn't want you to miss the mark or anything.

We are now returning to our regularly scheduled breakfast.

Bigg said...

I'm afraid I shared your story (no names or URLs mentioned, of course!) with my kids who are in their twenties, and my stepdaughter suggested a bidet. After googling 'bidet' to see what the heck it was, I concur. Or is your bathroom already too crowded?

Snooze said...

You know, it's probably just as well you don't have to deal with a monthly bleed.

latt├ęgirl said...

Yes, the last pass must be clean but sometimes, goddamn it, it takes about 1/3 of a roll!

TT said...

Aren't you still going to be rubbing sh** all over your body? You just need to scrub your padinka squeaky clean!

franck said...

That's funny. I always feel really anal when I examine the end of the towel to determine which side to use, and now there's at least two of us doing it. My anal retention is contagious!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Snooze has a point. Frankly, I didn't know how to answer that question even though it has become my life's work!

Marc said...

No one has room for a bidet in an apartment...BUT...there is a more wonderful thing than the bidet called the TOTO Washlet. We have the Jasmin model. It's terrific, and for someone as poop-obsessed as you, I am surprised you don't have one. Is it expensive? Well, yeah, it is. Does it give you the cleanest tush ever without having to wipe endlessly? Yes. You'll save a lot on toilet paper since you generally only have to wipe once with the washlet. And since it's part of the toilet seat, no need for extra space for a bidet, no walking from toilet to bidet with your pants around your ankles and then falling into the wall and breaking a tooth on the toilet paper holder because you lost your balance (it's never happened to me, but imagining these situations is why I am in marketing). And also better than the bidet, the washlet has a water temp control so no freezing cold water slaps the tender trap, and it has a pressure control so you don't wind up giving yourself a high colonic. It has a dryer, but it's only so-so, and besides, blow-drying your butt just feels weird.

You'd never have to worry about skid-marked towels or undies again. Until you went on vacation, of course. That's when you'll really miss it.

Steven said...

Why not make it easier on everyone (i.e. you) and get two towels?

No more face-to-ass contact... at least on purpose.

TJ said...

Only you can go from pictures of lovely white snow to brownage. :)

Mel said...

Aside from washing well, the other important thing is not to fart before or while you're drying. Then there's no chance of making pet-sauce.

Phronk said...

I just walk around naked for a while and let my crack air dry, so the towel never actually goes in there.

I don't even wanna know about "pet sauce."

Actually I do....and I googled it... and your blog was one of the first things that came up.

latt├ęgirl said...

It seems to have become a "heads or tails" issue.

Anonymous said...

"I'm thinking the skid mark was an anomaly because I'm pretty fastidious about the wiping."

?? I still don't get this. What does wiping have to do with it? Sorry to be so blunt, but you don't clean your ass in the shower?

It would not make any difference to me which side of the towel I used for what. By the time I get out of the shower my backside is as clean as my frontside, so to speak.