Monday, January 19, 2009

Sunday fun

We had a belated holiday dinner with the ESL teachers yesterday. What a treat. We went to The Keg steakhouse. It was one of those evenings where the hours passed effortlessly and the conversation and laughter never lulled. We stayed so long that the server asked us to pay and go to the bar if we wanted anything else. Poor guy, Sunday nights are usually early ones in the restaurant biz.

It was just yesterday that I got the play on words for Wile E Coyote. Wily. Duh. It only took me forty years. I used to love that show. The winner of the Darwin Awards reminded me of the cartoon:
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts, as best as could be determined, are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel. Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
Has this ever happened to you? There's a guy at the SAQ (provincial liquor store), a cashier, that is so stunningly beautiful that I'm nervous and atwitter when I pay for my things. When he says "bonjour" to me, I blush and say it back. When he says "Merci" upon the completion of the transaction I get all flummoxed and think, "He said MERCI to me, OMG!" I can honestly say that no stranger has ever had that effect on me. But if you only saw his eyes. Oh and spouse concurs with me. I can't imagine he'll be working there for long since he will surely be discovered in the modeling or (we can hope can't we) porn business. Happy Monday peeps!

18 comments:

latt├ęgirl said...

I always rather admired that old Darwin award winner. Talk about going out with a bang -- and a massive adrenaline rush.

A Lewis said...

Oh yeah, aren't those little Bonjour and Merci moments of life something else? Spoken with just the right inflection, with just the right hint of sexiness, and with just the perfect amount of naughtiness. Delicious! I had one of those moments yesterday by the guy (kid??) who cut my hair...the smile, the conversation, the touching,the whole gig...

CoffeeDog said...

Wile E...we nicknamed a cat Jack E Lope (his name was Jack)

It has been a long time since a beautiful person made me nervous.

don said...

I become completely dysfunctional around physically hot men. Instead I seek out the elusive hot gay nerd. Nerds rule man!

travelling, but not in love said...

There was a guy on security at CDG recently who got me all of a flutter...after he'd patted me down - very thoroughly - it was all I could do to say "Merci" and "Bon Voyage"....yes, I wished him bon voyage. d'oh!

Roxrocks said...

I love it when something like Wile E. Coyote sets off a lightbulb! It's hilarious!

I hope y'all tipped your server well!

You and Serge aren't going to start buying your hootch in those tiny little bottles now so that you can both make repeated trips to the liquor store, are you? Hot people make me nervous too.

David said...

First Poland Spring (which is in Maine) and now Wile E. Coyote.

You do know that sweetbreads aren't bread, right?

Lyvvie said...

I love crushes! You have a crush on the cashier! Although I'd have flirted more, you prude.

Lacey said...

Not only are sweetbreads not bread, but there's the whole issue of head cheese...omg...I gag just saying the words...

Lemuel said...

Now you've gone and reminded me of Road Runner and "Beep! Beep!" is going through my head and will not stop! :-D

GayProf said...

The Road Runner is the state bird of New Mexico, if we are doing free association.

It's nice to find that we can still get a little giddy over a "bonjour."

Anonymous said...

The JATO story is an urban legend, as I'm sure you already know.

Last year for my birthday, I took a grand adventure to a city I'd never visited before. (Being the kind of person who habitually debunks fun stories as urban legend, I, of course, was alone.) I went to a quaint little restaurant for my traditional birthday filet mignon dinner. My server was a sweet young lad with a thick and authentic French accent who was attentive to my every need. I developed an instant crush on him. When the meal was finished and the credit-card transaction completed, I asked him to wish me a happy birthday in French. And he did. And I melted into a puddle and had to be mopped up and taken out of the restaurant in a bucket.

em said...

You DID NOT blush! I don't believe it.

Snooze said...

I love the liquor store flirtation. I used to have a crush like that on someone I worked with on a committee. it was so embarassing because I was so attentive to his every word and was like some sort of demented groupie.

OMG - how I laughed too at Anonymous' comment: (Being the kind of person who habitually debunks fun stories as urban legend, I, of course, was alone.)

johnny368 said...

A pretty-face is worth a 1,000 words,
but a friendly and kind face is priceless......something like that?

"merci..."
:_)

Mel said...

Biology - gets you every time.

le tardo said...

Oh yes. One of the kids has a friend who's dad is drop-dead gorgeous. I get all flummoxed whenever he drops his kid off to play and comes in the house.

Mark in DE said...

YES, I've had your liquor store cashier experience, too. Of course the stunningly beautiful man is always 15 or so years younger than me, which immediately makes me feel like a creepy old geezer for being affected by him.