Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Sad day!

When the phone rings at 4 in the morning there really are only a couple of possibilities - a wrong number or bad news. Such was the case yesterday when the father in law had a stroke. His wife called three times before we awoke to hear it. Serge talked to her and she said he'd had a stroke and was in the hospital. I went back to bed because it was cozy and warm and I was not really expecting to fall asleep. But I did fall asleep and Serge went over to the hospital to wait and wait and wait. There's no way to know what the damage is until/if he wakes up. His legs were moving so that was a good sign.

I spent the morning listening to sad songs and thinking about the loved ones in my life, tearing up now and then, the waves of weepiness washing over me in unexpected gusts. Then I went down to the hospital to lend support. The last time I was in a hospital was for a birth 15 years ago. This occasion was far more sombre and the whole day felt like a movie, real and surreal at the same time.

A couple of weeks ago, his dad came over to shoot the breeze and have a couple beers. They had a nice time together and I made sandwiches which we ate outside under a cloudless sky with light breezes. We noticed he had seemed much older since the last time we saw him, he had lost weight but was in good spirits and seemed happy with life. It was the last time for them to bond like that.

They declared him dead early in the afternoon, the blood having filled up the cranial cavity and basically suffocating the brain tissue. We had been waiting for conclusive tests that he was braindead when his heart stopped, and the nurse came down and found us in the cafeteria to let us know. The color drains from a body quickly once the heart has stopped.

Serge has been surprised at how much emotion is occurring within him. How do you reconcile the sudden loss of a parent? Not with swift and ease, but with painful reckoning. I did my best to console though if you cry it's a pretty sure bet that I will, so that's what last evening was all about.

I played the sad song for a while which really wrung out the tears. I don't know why, but this song elicits sobbing rather easily.

This morning I head off to teach, and then to rejoin the machinations of death. Give your loved ones a kiss today, you just never know when it'll be the last.

51 comments:

Cincy Diva said...

I am so sorry for you ad Derge's loss. You and your family are in my prayers

Hugs

LSL said...

I am so sorry to hear this. What incredibly difficult and sad news. I'm sorry for Serge and am sending lots of hugs. And I will definitely give my loved ones a kiss today.

Mel said...

Best to Serge and to you. And especially to his mother. More than anyone, I expect she'll really be needing your support right now. You're right, you never do know.

lattégirl said...

My sympathies to you all, especially to Serge and his family.

long time reader said...

My condolences. It's so tough to lose a parent.

Anonymous said...

Bonjour Serge,

Ayant suivi ta vie avec Richard pour ces dernières années et pour avoir perdu ma mère et mon père dans les cinq dernières, je peux sympathiser avec toi. Le temps fait bien les choses! Bon courage. Charles

Lemuel said...

With sincere condolences to Serge and to you as well as to your mother-in-law. I shall keep you all in my best thoughts for comfort. May you find joy and peace in your thoughts of shared good times with your father-in-law and in life well-lived.

CoffeeDog said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Please give Serge a big hug from me.

Birdie said...

Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry. Nothing can prepare you for this. As the waves of grief come and go, embrace the joyful memories as well. Be there for each other; it's all we can do. My prayers are with you.

Breenlantern said...

My sincere condolences to Serge and his family. I am truly sorry for your loss.

Hugs

Greg said...

So sorry to read your news. My thoughts will stay with you and Serge today: I wish you both peace and strength for the days ahead.

And hugs, too. For both of you.

Doug said...

My deepest sympathies to you and Serge and the whole family.

Bruno said...

Our sympathies to you all,
Serge, the emotions are hard and sudden for some time. The pain doesn't go away, but it dulls.
Hugs to you both

Lee Ann said...

Whoooboy, that's a rough road to travel, losing one's dad. My husband lost his father in May, and a lot of hugging and listening continue to be the best way to get through it. Sympathy and a great big hug to you both. I'm so sorry, Serge.

Larry Ohio said...

My deepest condolences to you and Serge. I'm very sorry.

Jay Simser said...

I am so very sorry - I have always found these words of Thomas Wolfe comforting.

"Something has spoken to me in the night, burning the tapers of the waning year; something has spoken in the night, and told me I shall die, I know not where. Saying: "To lose the earth you know, for greater knowing; to lose the life you have for greater life; to leave the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than earth- -Whereon the pillars of this earth are founded, toward which the conscience of the world is tending-a wind is rising, and the rivers flow."
-You Can't Go Home Again

I used them at my mother's funeral and know this your father will always be with you.

anne marie in philly said...

my thoughts are with you and serge at this difficult time.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Rox said...

My dearest Torn and Serge, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss! Unofortunately, I know exactly how you are feeling at this time. As difficult as it is to say goodbye to him, be ever so grateful that your father in law went swiftly and didn't have to have a long battle. All my love and thoughts are with you at this time. xoxo

don said...

A very sad day indeed. Big hugs to you and Serge.

photogreg said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Glad you have each other. You're both in my thoughts.

carlnepa said...

My deepest condolences to Serge and you. It's part of the flow of our lives, but that doesn't mean it's easy. My Mom died earlier this year after a couple years in a nursing home and a long, slow, painful decline prior to that. It's true, you're never ready for it even when you ought to be.
You know what to do; be there and care and listen.

Polt said...

You, Serge and his entire family has my deepest sympathies.

HUGS...

"Just David!" said...

You guys are in my thoughts and prayers!

Chris in Long Beach said...

I am sorry for Serge's loss and yours...

Petie said...

My condolences to you both and especially to Serge.

Cameron said...

I totally agree with Rox about the fact that your father-in-law going quickly is a blessing, of sorts. I know this does not take away the grief (and shouldn't) but at least he didn't suffer in a protracted way.

I send you both positive thoughts in this difficult time.

mermaid said...

My deepest sympathies to you & serge. Although the loss is so painful now, rely on the wonderful memories to help you through.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about Serge's dad. I know he is filling the loss of one so important to his life. His dad can feel no pain now and even though one may wish he was still here, I believe he is in a better place. Einstein said that energy can not be created or destroyed. Serge's dad lives on and we can know our own future may be murky but there is one who has gone before us to prepare the way.
I lost my Dad this past August 20th. i tried to tell him how much I love him but he was of the old school and would have none of it. He never told me he loved me but I knew deep down he cared. The end comes to everyone born on earth but it is but the beginning of a new life like Spring is new after the dark cold Winter. I would give anything to spend one more day with my Dad and I know Serge feels the same. May God bless. ed

GayProf said...

It made me really sad to read about Serge's father. Like the other bloggers, I offer my deepest sympathies.

Kevin said...

My deepest sympathies go out to you and Serge. I'm sorry to hear this.

Thom said...

I'm so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with Serge and you.

Maurice said...

Toutes mes sympathies, surtout à Serge, et bon courage.

Summer said...

My sympathies to Serge and his family. No matter how old one may be it's still hard to lose a parent. I'll leave you with a quote I love.

When you are sorrowful
look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in
truth you are weeping for
that which has been your delight.
Kahlil Gibran

rjjs8878 said...

Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss.

_Psycho said...

Sorry to heard this !

Anonymous said...

How awful to read this terrible news. If Serge's father was anything like his son, I'm sure he was a man who embraced life with joy.

My condolences on your loss, and my very best wishes for you to one day soon look back on his life, tell the stories that make you smile, and forget the grievances. Such is the way of unconditional love.

-Tracy

Colleen said...

I am so sorry to hear of Serge's and your loss - my thoughts are with you guys.

Jeremiah Andrews said...

Eternal Rest grant him and may perpetual light shine upon him.

My condolences to you both.

Jeremy

Snooze said...

I finally had a chance to read your post this evening. What a shock and that's me just reading a blog post and caring because it involves you - I can't imagine getting a phone call about a beloved family member. I'm glad you had that nice time with him a few weeks back.

dirkmancuso said...

I'm sorry for your loss. You and Serge are in my thoughts.

Take care.

wcs said...

Adding my condolences.

Johnny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Johnny said...

My deepest condolences to you and your family.

dykewife said...

oh my! i'm so sorry! please give my condolences to serge and tell him that a woman in saskatchewan is thinking of him, you and his family and sending reiki energy for you all to use at this time for whatever it's needed for.

please remember to take care of each other right now. it's easy to get lost in the fog of grief and not take care of the necessities of life.

Scooter said...

So, so sorry.

ChristopherYVR said...

So very sorry for both of you and dealing with the pain of loss. Very heartening to know they had some quality time together previously. Stay strong. ChristopherYVR

David said...

I've been catching up on blogs all week since I've been away. So sorry to hear about this. My deepest condolences to Serge. May his father's memory be a blessing to him.

Mark in DE said...

Please pass on my deepest and most sincere sympathies to Serge, and keep a little for yourself too. Hugs to you both.

Matt said...

I'm so sorry to hear this sad news ... our best to Serge and his family, and to you.

Java said...

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. Big hugs for both you and Serge.

Patrick said...

I too am so sorry for yours and Serge's loss. I would be willing to bet your tears do help Serge, so don't worry. I'm thinking of you both today.