When I was a kid, I longed endlessly to be a grown up. To make my own decisions and to do what I wanted instead of always the bidding of others became an obsession. Since my parents were inclined to "raise me properly", I was forbidden to watch television during the work week (even in summer), and had to earn my own money to procure the things I wished for. I think both of those decisions made a big impact on who I am today. TV, I can pretty much take it or leave it now, though I do enjoy watching. And boy do I know the value of a dollar. By 15, I was gainfully employed while going to high school. In the summers, I worked two jobs, had a car at 15, my license on my 16th birthday, and moved out on my 18th. I'm chuckling at myself now, what was I in such a rush for?
The bulk of adult life is DOING THE BIDDING OF OTHERS. I could have read the signs. I could have noted my parents working full time, which is why I was stuck at school every day until 5 or 6 (supervised, of course), and I could have seen their various career pursuits and hobbies, each one following on the heels of another.
There was the pet goat we had, the tortoise, cat, dogs, and parrot. There was the boat we had, the medical school Dad enrolled in in the evenings, the real estate school Mom enrolled in in the evenings. The vacations, the nightly family dinners, the swimming lessons, piano lessons, my God they were busy. But no, I didn't notice any of that. I only noticed that they got to call all the shots. And I lusted after such power over one's own destiny.
And now here I am, with the said power over my own destiny, and I can't for the life of me think of anything I want to do, except retire. Ridiculous! I will never slow down. I'm what you might call antsy. I'm pretty sure Mom passed that gene down to me. But in retirement, I won't have to constantly do the bidding of others. Only my own. I see my mother, now retired, filled with joy with every moment. Getting to do whatever her heart desires (which strangely enough, is deep sea fishing) and living life to the max. Sigh. Can't wait til I get there.