Monday, October 06, 2008

Throwing crap at the page

This is for Java. I saw the pretty pinky sunrise coming so I threw on clothes and walked over to the bridge with the tripod yesterday. The sunrises are steadily marching to the right.

Unbelievable but true. In case you didn't click the link, it's for the new "cooking with testicles" cookbook. I bet now you'll click the link. Hey, maybe it's time to recycle excreted matter too. I mean hey, my dog eats shit, the flies eat it, it can't be all that bad right?

I actually started writing 19 for the year on a check I was filling out yesterday. That my friends is a farting brain.

The stake-out continues. They are not there 24/7 though. They leave for lunch or to tow cars periodically. I don't get it, they must get some kind of reward for "catching" him. They are not police guys, they are tow truck guys. I don't know why they don't just tow his car. It's all very perplexing. So far, the guy downstairs has been holed up for 48 hours. I'll keep you posted.

Remember how I moaned about the chamber of commerce networking mixer? Yeah, I got a call from the college wanting to know if I'm available to give an evening course.

I knew it! When I worked at the Ritz Carlton and the gaggifying motto was "Smile, you're on stage," I learned that even fake smiling puts one into a better mood. Apparently it is impossible to feel sad while doing a big fake smile. I know it IS possible to feel animosity while smiling, as that was something else I learned at the Ritz.

Have you done this? It's really funnier if you do hairstyles of the opposite sex. It's good for wasting an hour of your time.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG. For a second I thought that photo was real.

"Just David!" said...

For a split second, I thought that was your Ritz ID or something and I thought, he must have been in an accident and had cosmetic surgery sometime since working at the Ritz and then I thought, wow, great doctors, you look so much better now, then, oh, I'm a tard! I gotta stop the wake and bake! Ha!

Anonymous said...

Is it okay if I like the Sunrise picture too? I went to a party years ago and they had these fried things on a tray. I tried some and they were good. My friends then informed me that I had just eaten Turkey Nuts. Way back in the last century the checks already had 19 on them. I think it is time to start putting 20 on them don't you? ed

CoffeeDog said...

That pic sorta looks like Ronny Reagan

Roxrocks said...

Maybe they are tow truck bounty hunters?

Beautiful sunrise! It's seven AM and still pitch dark here. :( Oh, and it "feels like" -6C.

This weather update brought to you by Bounty Towing.

Greg said...

Torn, I feel I owe you an apology - I got to see the Budweiser Clydesdales live and in person this weekend, and despite nearly stepping in a pile, it wasn't 'til I was driving away that I considered how thrilled you'd have been if I'd captured a shot of this most famous horse-shit.

Actually, it was sort of runny. Hope you have a great Monday.

A Lewis said...

I like that "marching to the right" thing....well, I don't really, but I do. And I know full well about throwing on clothes and running like the devil to get a good photo. And they're usually gone by then. Ugh.

Birdie said...

I'm with Coffeedog: I thought it was Reagan.

On a road trip through Kansas, I will regret to my dying day not turning around to get a picture of a billboard that advertised the upcoming Testicle Festival, brought to you by the Beef Council. Yikes.

David said...

I'd already heard about the testicle cook book, so I thankfully had no impetus to click on the link.

I can be quite evil even when smiling. But I am in a good mood when I do it, so I guess it still holds true.

GayProf said...

I wonder if Rachel Ray will do a Thirty-Minute Meal involving testicles...

Mark in DE said...

The testicle cookbook sounds hilarious!

I was the master of the big fake smile. When I worked in a call center for the phone company (years ago) they gave each rep a mirror so we could look at ourselves while we talked to customers, encouraging us to smile because "customers can HEAR you smile". I used to do big fake smiles AND laughs which would entertain my colleagues to no end! To this day one of them still asks me to "Do the big fake laugh!"

Mark :-)

Anonymous said...

Rachael Ray SHOULD do a recipe with turkey testicles! She ran out of ideas years ago and it's time for something new...

dirkmancuso said...

While I am sorry for your latest tenant woes, I must say it makes for compelling reading (and blogging, I'd wager).

As for the pic...I am SOOOO doing that!

johnny368 said...

Make a video (short-film) of the stake-out and showcase it @ the IFC....LOL!

: )

Java said...

Oh, Torn, thank you for that beautiful sunrise! And from my favorite vantage point! I like a good sunrise.

Nope, I will not click on a link that leads to a testicle cookbook. That's just too much more excitement for me today.

I eagerly await the news from the stake out of the Bounty Tow Truck guys. This is exciting shit, as long as I read it here and don't have to sit in a tow truck all day. :)

Butch said...

Interesting photo. I'll have to find one I can try and morph.

I guess I'll leave the Testicle Pie for others to enjoy.