Sunday, November 04, 2007

Discovering contentedness

I've been getting pretty chummy with one of my fellow English teachers. I'll call him Bob. You know how you meet someone and you find a lot of similarities in your characters so that you have an instant affinity for one another? It's like that with us. We ride together out to timbuktu to give lessons and we always talk easily and at length about various topics. Since his name has come up at home quite a bit lately, spouse asked, "are you sleeping with him?" I laughed and said, "oh yeah baby, long and hard." It's a little game we play, harmless. What was really charming later was when I was with Bob, riding up the escalator from a crowded metro station, and I relayed this little exchange to him. I said something like, "Spouse asked me if you were my new boyfriend," and Bob's face instantly smarted red. It was so cute, I bet he's not used to such talk in a public place since he's straight. I didn't mention it though.

Later that same afternoon, I mentioned the lottery jackpot that is so high this week. Bob asked me if I would quit immediately if I were to win and I responded that no, I would at least finish my present contracts. Money isn't going to rob me of my integrity.

I bought lottery tickets for the week so I could spend some of my time fantasizing about winning. This fun little game only works if you buy a ticket, and for me, that is where the value lies. For the fantasy. Still, as I was fantasizing yesterday, I couldn't really get into it because there really isn't anything I'm dying to have/do. I already go a little crazy at the end of my summers off, I can't imagine such idleness year round. Part of my fantasy involves distributing $100 bills to the homeless, but I can already do that if I just knock a couple zeros off. Sure, I could travel the world, buy a mansion, and hire people to pamper me, but these things don't have the allure they used to. And then it dawned on me. I'm happy. This is a wonderful thing to realize, that everything is just right, a perfect balance of work and leisure, of routine and vacation. I haven't checked my numbers yet this morning, but I feel like I've already won.

24 comments:

birdoparadise said...

You have.

CoffeeDog said...

Life is all about balance, seems like you have achieved that!

I'd like a few more dollars in my account. If we won the lotto I's keep the same house, I'd just have it renovated to my liking.

To stay busy I'd open up some sort of non-profit charity org.

Patricia said...

dib's on your winnings! woo hoo, i'll buy me a baby! heh.

really, i love hearing realizations like this. growing up really does have some advantages.

and tell bob we say welcome to the family. (we were here first, afterall.) good thing i'm not possessive of my friends, huh?

uhmmm my verification word is jkpoor. think i just got my answer as to whether i'll ever win the lottery. dang.

Snooze said...

That last sentence says it all.

Steven said...

What a great feeling to have and I hope it lasts.

Cooper said...

What a fantastic dawning! You've achieved something everyone wants. I have pockets of feeling like you do, and when I do ... that rush of knowing that at that moment you are perfectly happy ... it's the greatest feeling in the world.

Lemuel said...

Wonderful post!

If only you could bottle that awareness and give that away! It is worth far more that a lottery.

Paul said...

It's a nice feeling to have! Hang on to it!

Unfortunately, contentment has come and gone for me ... but I'm waiting for the next time.

(It fun to think that you made Bob squirm just a little. He's probably enamored with your friendship, too. Heck, his girlfriend/wife may be asking him the same questions about you.)

Patrick said...

That is great, that you have achieved it, and can appreciate it. Like Cooper, I have pockets of it as well, and I'm getting better at noting them when they occur. Right now for example, I have the apartment to myself, and a whole day to do with as I please... so I'm pretty content as well.

Laverne said...

Bills man. I would pay off the bills. Then my mother's bills. I'd buy her a house.

But that's me.

Is Bob single? I mean, if he's like you and straight?

I'm just saying.

Laverne
(it won't let me leave my name as "Other")

Laverne said...

Bills man. I would pay off the bills. Then my mother's bills. I'd buy her a house.

But that's me.

Is Bob single? I mean, if he's like you and straight?

I'm just saying.

Laverne
(it won't let me leave my name as "Other")

RJ March said...

I have also been feeling that strange feeling that everything is exactly the way it should be. Sweet, isn't it?

dbv said...

"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." Winston Chruchill

I've heard this put several ways but this is the gist. Congrats on realizing that you're happy!

GayProf said...

It's always great to make new friends. It's also great to be happy, but having more money never hurt anybody. Just sayin'.

Lewis said...

I am in love with this post! You've captured a time and place here that I haven't seen too often on anyone's blog.....sensitivity, introspection, friendship, caring, and a whole lot of other things. Beautifully put. Made me smile. (So, ARE you sleeping with him???)

don said...

Beautiful post. I am going to think about contentedness all day.

javajones said...

I sometimes play that game, wondering what I'd do if I won big money. It can be fun, and often I come to a similar conclusion about my life. There are so many things in my life that I wouldn't change. I have too many THINGS already. It is the people in my life, and the interactions with others that have the most significance to me.

Cameron said...

It's fascinating how so many of us go through this same exact thought process, and ultimately conclude that we are happy with the way things ARE.

Are there any truly happy lottery winners? I've heard that they are anything BUT; that a lot of money creates more problems than it solves.

Maurice said...

Indeed, isn't it great to come to such a realization? I've never bought lottery tickets and still don't, but if I would and finally won a huge amount, I know that my life wouldn't become one of total leisure. I'm too work-identified to give it up entirely. The difference would be that I would have a wider range of choices and I wouldn't have to rely on the income from my work.

RoxRocks said...

What a fabulous post!

jali said...

Wonderful post. I'll be smiling for the rest of the day because of this (well...if The Colts win the football game).

I love your beautiful attitude. Now your fantasies can be of other things.

dawn said...

Ahhh.

That's awesome.

Ahem.

Can I have the ticket?

David said...

Wow. If I ever thought I'd arrive at such a place in my life I'd probably sleep better at night.

photogreg said...

Regarding idleness...I used to think that too. But now that I'm retired from teaching I've learned to love idleness. Great post!