Wednesday, January 25, 2006

S%*t or get off the pot!

What a rollercoaster I've been on. I think I've changed my mind 5 times now. And I was so touched to see all the comments yesterday addressing my dilemma. Everybody brought up such good points, both pro and con, even though I was less than clear with the specifics. In the morning I was rarin' to take the job/risk/challenge/adventure, and then in the afternoon, I was fully on board with staying put. Of course that was after I spoke with the person responsible for the current bulk of my income and told her everything and said, "Now is your chance to tell me anything you want to convince me not to go." And boy did she tell me some things. First off, she has already worked that job (enough of the mystery, it's for a 1 year full time English teacher position in an upscale suburb's high school to replace a teacher going on maternity leave for a year) and had lots of comparisons between what we do now and that job. Essentially, I'll be giving up my autonomy and freedom and extremely relaxed work to take on (albeit sometimes fun, exciting and rewarding) beaurocratic administration, petty colleagues and hostile parents. More work, slightly more money (probably), but some people love it. Maybe I'm one of them. Finally, she said, "look, if you go now, you leave me in a very difficult position. If there is a shortage of teachers and you want to explore that, go ahead....in September. Because the shortage isn't going away before then. And nobody is put out, not me, not your existing students." She talked a good rap. (Plus I think if I were an eskimo, you could sell me ice)

Still (as Patricia pointed out) I feel as if the universe is nudging me. There have been more than a couple coincidences that led me to that interview Monday.

But. I should describe the job I have now a bit to show you why I'm so (hating myself viciously for this) undecided. This is a life that I've worked to create over the past few years. It was long exhausting low paying hours at the beginning, but by slowing proving myself and making the right connections, it has come to this: Each August and January, several business english schools and several families call for my services as ESL teacher and tutor. The schools offer me four month contracts where I go to a place of business to teach the executives conversational English, some grammar and vocabulary once per week. The families call who want help for their kids. I set my price. I can accept or decline based on what I want. There are always way more offers than I can take, so I choose the "best" ones. I always have to decline offers once I've deemed my schedule "full". Most of the classes are based on the student objectives, and I prepare exercises to help them improve in this or that area. I decide. I run the class and have full control.

And. Right now, I have the sweetest schedule yet. 11:30 to 6:00 Mon to Thur and Fri 11-1. Oh yeah and Mon to Thurs I have a break from 1:30 to 4:00. The families pay cash if you know what I mean.

A couple of you mentioned my gut feeling. My gut feeling is of course "I want to do both!" which is impossible according to my brain (and that 24 hours comprise a day).

Taking a risk was mentioned, and I'm on board with the sentiment, but at 40 I'm more into calculated risks.

There are other pros and cons worth mentioning, but I think it boils down to how much I value my free time and autonomy, because I'd be giving up a good deal of that.

I tossed and turned a lot last night anguishing about it.

15 comments:

Kevin said...

I have the same problems making decisions like that. While it does seem you would be leaving your co-worker/boss in the lurch, you can't let that be the deciding vote ... because down the road, it still might not be the "best time" even though that is given as an option now.

But if this new job is just for a year, can you come back to your current job when that contract is up?

(Yeah, I'm a lot of help, I know.)

Lee said...

Now, see, I'd say 'sleep on it' but clearly you can't.

Actually, 'sleep on it' is my answer to everything. It's a riot when I was working in a mattress factory.

St. Dickeybird said...

Leave your hard-earned contacts for a 1-year contract?
Don't do it!
A year from now you may have to start over.
For more work, slightly more money (probably), hostile parents, petty colleagues, and administration?
No chance!

_Psycho said...

The way you wrote your post, you current job seem way better than the new ones, but I think you are looking to change the routine.

Sleep on it !

Anonymous said...

It can be all relative here. You may have been presented an opportunity to evaluate and appreciate what you have, and then to decide how to further enhance your current situation, rather than completely changing it. If you like a calculated risk, I'd say the math here is pretty simple, stay where you are. You already have what sounds like a dream job that you've worked really hard for. Maybe you just need a new challenge on top of it. Love your blog! I am a friend of Chunks from way back.
Good luck with your decision.

Anonymous said...

It's ultimately your decision...but I echo dickeybird's comments. Your current situation and past hard work aren't worth giving up for a one-year contract.

Good luck with your decision.

Jane
(Chunks' friend and 43-year-old risk-averse accountant)

Adam said...

I had a similar conundrum when thinking about staying in academic research versus private corporate research. Academia affords one a lot of personal freedom and a more laid back atmosphere but it pays less than private research. When I thought about it long and hard I'd rather have that freedom than have to be a slave to the man but get paid more money for it. Thats just my take though. I really value my autonomy and free time.

jjd said...

from the way you've described this: I'd totally stay where I was.

The "new" job sounds fun.. different.. challenging.. and maybe thats the itch you're trying to scratch. I'd find a different way to satisfy it though, your current job is cooooshy.

My take!

dantallion said...

Based on what you describe, I'd stay where I was. The option to make a move later isn't going to change. Don't burn bridges for what is a good situation for you in the first place. But that's just me.

Patricia said...

now that you describe the jobs in more detail... hire me as your assistant and screw the big bureaucracy!

the thing about big decisions is that, after they've been made, the lingering questions often remain. but they can be replaced with others...

what was it about the possible new job that got me excited? how can i meet that need in other ways? what was i supposed to learn from this?

Holly said...

it sounds like the current job you have is awesome. i would suggest, if you're looking for a change, to volunteer or find something else part time and under your control. you have too much independance to just cast that aside for a 1 year contract. or, think on it til september. try different things and if you still want to do it then, do it.. and maybe keep the independant consulting thing on the side part time?

no help, i know.

Chunks said...

I wasn't going to post on this yesterday, since I have been out of the work force for SO LONG that I don't feel qualified to give advice! However, here I go!

I watched my husband take a "dream job" walking away from a job that he had worked his way up into management, having dream hours (Mon-Fri days no shift work!) He said he wasn't happy. He worked at his "dream job" for 15 months and was becoming more and more miserable, I was worried for his health! His new boss turned out to be a total asshole and it just ruined his "dream job". Thankfully, he had such a good work record that his previous employer hired him back, although not in the same position. He lost ten years of seniority by taking a risk. He feels awful about it. But at least he knows and doesn't have to worry about "what if"...

Now that he is back to his old company, he realizes that he was happy there, he just felt stagnant. Work is where you spend about a third of your time, (unless you are me, haha!) and if you are happy doing what you are doing, why mess with that? If you can "go back" then take it, but if you feel you wouldn't be able to slip back in to where you are right now, then don't.

Wow, I'm helpful huh?! Good luck with your decision!

(So THIS is where all my friends are going?!!)

GayProf said...

I don't have any advice because I don't really know you. I just lurk around your blog from time to time.

Still, from what you write, it doesn't sound like you want to give up your freedom to work for someone else.

r said...

well bub...

The time commitment for the new job will be difficult for you methinks. It's not just teaching the kids, but it's meeting with the parents, and the other teachers and the administratrators. My days are usually from 8:00 to 6:00, with an 1/2 hour lunch and one 45 minute prep period. Then I go home and grade essays and lesson plan. I love my job, and the satisfaction it gives me, but I would never do this just for the money.

However, the rewards are fabulous. It just seems you are already reaping those rewards on your own terms.

Good luck my friend.

epicurist said...

Not sure if my 2 cents are worth anything, but it sounds like you have a pretty sweet deal right now, that also allows you to live life and do other things on the side. If I were in a similar situation, I'd likely stay put, but that all deends of course on what the real reason is that is driving you to consider this change.