Sunday, April 09, 2006

Tooth grinding Sunday

Madonna tickets went on sale here yesterday. $350 for a decent seat. Thousands of people presented themselves for the chance to be raped by this enterprise. The cheapest seats are $55 and while technically in the building, do not afford a clear view of the performance. Plus, fans get the added bonus of more anal gashing torture with the nine dollar beer conveniently available on site. Not only that, but miss thing (that dates me, doesn't it) will probably stub her toe get hoarse and skip us entirely. Bitch.

Sorry about that, I've stepped down to the #2 patch. This means my body is receiving less nicotine. This also means that cantankerousness abounds of the sort I imagine you would experience walking in on your teenage child penetrating your beloved pet. Or perhaps upon the discovery of pubic lice in your very own home.

This reminds me of the time I actually had pubic lice in the home. My ex and I had taken in a friend of ours who was down on his luck and going through finding out he was positive. He stayed a few days before he found a more permanent setting. A couple of days later, we were sitting on the couch and both P and I were scratching our arms, and it was P who shrieked first, "What? What is this?" He had scraped out one of the crabs from his arm hair. The ensuing hours included much hysteria as we discovered the house and our bodies were infested. We found them everywhere on our bodies that hair grew. Eyebrows, eyelashes(!), arms, legs, pubes, everywhere. It was the most horrifying, creepy crawly realization. It would be days before we had a successful handle on the situation. Nit combs and Rid were our constant obsession, along with frequent waves of the willies.

I hate everything. I'm in a lousy mood.

In other news, I'm sick and tired of repeating the same damn shit to the same damn students fifty million times. I'm patient, but sometimes it's like using a nail clipper to mow the lawn. I get this way every year about this time, anxious for the summer vacation, sick and tired of teaching the same things, correcting the same mistakes.

Must find a way to laugh.

It's sunny, I think I'll take the dog for a walk. Peace.

21 comments:

Snooze said...

I think I'm just grateful after reading this that you were pleasant and charming in person when we met up. Revolting story about the pubic lice - what a shock that must have been.

Holly said...

ick. lice. **willies** but over the years i've dealt with many critters that had the mange. also caused by little creatures that bite and itch.

**shiver**

sorry you're having a hard time with the not smoking thing. my husband tries to quit about once a year. life is hell. and then he starts smoking again (in secret) and eventually i find him out and he is overcome with guilt and embarrassment. he does not want me to be disappointed in him.

same dance, same song.

you are doing wonderfully. blogging is a great way to deal with the emotions. when removing one stress coping mechanism (smoking) it is important to replace it with another (blogging)

so, blog more
(especially videos of you, cute anonymous french persons, and your spouse)

CLL Canuck said...

I saw "miss thing" perform at Le Stade Olympique waaaaay back in early 90's. Dreamy Mario Pelchat opened for her - well, he was dreamy back then. The acoustics were horrrrrrrible, but the show was great. I think the entire gayborhood of St Catherine East came out to see her. I cheaped out and had outer circle seats, comforted only by the abundance of large video screens. Go ahead, treat yourself.

Crankiness means your program is working. Good job.

Spider said...

DAMN - I thought I was the only one that had days like that... hope things get better and your sunny disposition returns!

Steven said...

You can imagine how pissed I am that Madonna isn't coming to Toronto (and I'm not even on the patch).

nongirlfriend said...

Yikes. Lice of any sort, but pubic lice. Ick.

Hope your mood gets better after the walk.

Chunks said...

$350 bucks?! That's ridiculous! Wait a few more years until she is a washed up has-been and you can probably see her at your local watering hole for $12. (That's how I saw Cheap Trick! HAHAHA~)

I knew a girl who went to see a stripper and he threw his g-string in her face. Two days later, she was in emergency, she had something in her eye. Turned out it was a CRAB! No shit! Crabs on your body is one thing, a crab in the eye has got to be the shits!

Drink more water while you are withdrawing. It will help.

Nail clipper to mow the lawn...that's classic!

Em said...

What? I thought Madonna was a washed up has-been now. I guess I'm missing something.

Lyvvie said...

Wow, how do you get lice out of your eyelashes? I'm sure Rid has a rule about keeping out of the eyes.

If you are looking for somehting fun to do that will make you laugh, may I suggest butt-painting? Take a few colours, swirl about in a wide paint-pan, sit in the paint and then on canvas. Frame and hang on the wall and wait for the guests to ask questions, and enjoy the look on their faces every time!

GayProf said...

Sorry you are in a lousy mood, but you are doing great! It's progress, baby!

t said...

Madonna can shove it.
She does absolutely nothing for me (and never has) in either the singing or looks category.
What a dog.

toobusyliving said...

Walking the dog always calms me down - and whenever I'm in a crabby mood I can't help but smile when I see him having tons of fun with his buddies in the park.

farmboyz said...

Torn,
It is surprising that your guest would have presented you with all the lice you enumerated. There are actually three types of lice that he might have been harboring:
a) the kind that lives on the scalp
b) the kind that lives on the torso (this type actually lives in the bedding and revisits the torso as a sort of tourist.
c) the kind that lives in the pubic area
RID does them all.
We have a friend who, while a medical student at McGill developed an eye inflammation. While making rounds with a group of fellow students, the doctor who was instructing them paused to examine his eye. He called the class in for a closer look, saying "Here's something you very rarely see" as he reomved the louse from the base of our friend"s eyelash. You can imagine his mortification.

Jason said...

Crabs are awful. I used Kwellada or Nix and covered my entire body but still felt like I had "missed something." After waiting two days I decided to apply the stuff a second time. Later that night, my whole body was a big red rash and I had to go to emergency at the hospital. I was now convinced that the crabs were immune to the lotion and were taking over -- turned out I had irritated all my skin from using the medication twice and had to take baths in oatmeal for a week. Ugh.

_Psycho said...

Torn get me 2 tickets for Madonna, I totally forgot saturday ! I wanted these cheap 55$ one on the top of the stadium ! ;)

But yeah 350$ is too expensive for me.

St. Dickeybird said...

$350? Think of what else you could buy that would beat 2 hours of M.
That's a romantic weekend in Ottawa!

Patricia said...

i will admit to loving her, miss thing, esther, whatever ya wanna call her. but it ticks me off how much they can get away with charging for tickets.

i love that you write when you are cranky. not that i love the fact that you have to be cranky. just that you are real about it.

springtime always makes me impatient, too. little tastes are nice, but c'mon already, enough of winter!

tornwordo said...

By the way, I saw the $350 tickets on ebay for $10,000 a pair. I probably should have tried to buy some.

Kevin said...

Cheer up. We don't like you "crabby."

Huh? Huh? Did that make you laugh?

Yeah, me neither. I tried.

Sunshine said...

*shudder*

Donna said...

How can you mention Madonna and crabs in the same entry?? Is that patch on your brain?
$350 was a little much for me too so I just bought the $165 seats for Nathan and I. This relates to my previous comment about us Me generation people. I spent $5000 on a bionic tooth last year so I guess I can splurge for an evening of fun (I think there is no doubt that she puts on a great show)right around my birthday!
Em, did you miss her on the Grammys? She very much still has it and made some of the other groups look like babyfood.
love, d