Saturday, April 22, 2006

The sandwich

Relationships can be challenging sometimes, especially after the effects of cumulative time shared. And when oral communication fails as it often does, gestures become far more important. This is a small tale of failed communication and successful gestures that took place just this week.

I had nearly finished my morning routine when spouse stirred and shuffled to the kitchen for coffee. "Bonjour," he said as he passed me at my desk catching up on blogs before going to work. "Bonjour," I said as I got up to follow him to the kitchen. "Before I forget, can you ask Ed if he received my invoice?" ( I give classes at his work and Ed is the accounts payable guy.)

"You know how to ask. Do it yourself," came the reply, which I read as highly hostile, but which was more likely due to the fact that he had just gotten out of bed. I pretended to ignore the hostility and whined," Oh, come on, I don't have time this morning and I can't understand him on the phone and because...." But I didn't have the chance to finish because snipy bastard spouse said, "Because what? Why can't you do it? You're not a baby." (elongated sarcastic accent on the baby)

Then I raised my voice. (How did things degenerate so quickly?)

"I ask one fucking simple question, a fucking YES or NO question in fact and all you can be is shitty. Forget it. Just forget I said anything."

I stormed back to my desk and muttered, "Why is it always me who is the asshole. All I did was ask a question." (I can be pretty good at that "what? what are you lookin' at me for, I didn't do anything" self-deception thing)

After that it was the cold war the rest of the morning. The two of us stayed in separate rooms and for the next half hour until it was time for me to go to work. I left without a word, still pissed, and he remained silent upon my departure as well. No goodbye kisses.

I arrived at my first lesson and opened my bag to take out the class materials. And inside, right on top, there was a homemade sandwich from spouse in a baggy.

And then I smiled, and wistfully laughed, and everything was okay.

21 comments:

CoffeeDog said...

My riend you are not alone. I've alluded to this before, but Mrs Coffeedog and I fight like this too! Last night it was a fight about the porch chairs I wanted to put on the front porch. Amazes how something so simple can ignite WWII. On the other side of the coin, we do really swet things for each other too.

Snooze said...

To me, food is love. Very cute story.

nongirlfriend said...

That is so sweet. I love that.

Fights are stupid. Why do we do that to ourselves? Ah, humans...

V and I rarely fight (because we don't live together) but when we do start arguing, I just whip out a breast. "Look, a boob." It always works. He's distracted, I'm laughing, and then we have sex.

Maybe that's avoiding the issue, but we don't really have any. Unless I manage to manufacture some. I'm such a Drama Queen.

Lyvvie said...

See, that's just not fair; how dare he do something nice after being such a dink. Unless you're good and ready to forgive, he shouldn't push a nice act upon you and spoil your post-fight thunder.

Was it a nice sandwich? or overly mustardey...because a sandwich could be vicious in the right hands, I know, I pack the lunchboxes in my house.

Rebekah said...

Charlie and I never fight...

Could be because he doesn't eat unless I give him food.

Or could be because he doesn't speak.

Okay, I know, not the same. Getting along with others is just so damn hard sometimes. Even harder when you know the "other" so well.

Chunks said...

Well, you knew I would love this! I love a "stupid-for-no-reason-fight-fixed-by-a-sandwich" story!!! Probably because I have lived so many of my own!

Blonde Bitch said...

Ah that was a nice gesture. If my husband ever made one of those nice gestures after a fight I would faint. Shit i rarely even get the make up sex anymore. Takes the fun right out of it. :)

Anonymous said...

Ahhh..so sweet!

Your story's another reminder of how important timing is.

Jane

Spider said...

Why does stuff like that make me cry... what a sweet story... you two are lucky men!

GayProf said...

Aaaah -- Spouse loves you. That's so sweet!

When your opening paragraph said that the fight found resolution through "successful gestures," I thought you started communicating in sign-language.

epicurist said...

"And when oral communication fails as it often does, gestures become far more important."

How very true. Though RB and I rarely fight or argue, there are times when one is out of synch with the other and moods can darken in an instant. What I find so great about your story is that most of us have fought this way, but rarely does one ever omit they are wrong. That was an incredibly sweet and beautiful story.

Lyvvie said...

I've wondered all day; did you pull the bread apart and check the contents of the sandwich before eating it?

I know my Hubs would've.

tornwordo said...

Lol, lyvvie. I didn't check, but I knew that it was an "I'm sorry, let's be friends" thing because he NEVER makes me lunch. It was a ham sandwich with just the right amount of mayo. He hasn't read the blog yet, so perhaps he will weigh in and say that he spit in it or something, lol.

Sunshine said...

Seems like you guys speak different languages at times (ok, I mean outside the English/French kind of "language"). I think he's sweet to speak in action, which I think is fine as long as you understand. :)

toobusyliving said...

I just wanna say..."Awwww." Your story was just what I needed today. A little sunshine on a drab day.

S. said...

We do the same type of stuff...it is part of relationship I think. It was sweet what he did...I am not good at apologizing...it is something I consciously have to work on.

You guys are great together ME thinks!

Inexplicable DeVice said...

What a lovely way to make up.

Jason said...

I hate the "cold war" part of these kinds of arguments. I can be a very stubborn opponent and often wait for my opponent to capitulate first. (This all assumes that I have an opponent, er.. I mean spouse, which I do not).

Tallguy said...

Oh, we should never fight about stupid silly things like this!! It may have turned out alright, but little cracks like these grow up into wide crevasses!

Never go to bed angry at each other --- or go off to work without a good-bye kiss! One rule you should never ever break!

He really shouldn't have had to do these things tho' --- But it is sweet what he did for you!

St. Dickeybird said...

Hmmm, I'll keep that sandwich trick in mind.
:)

Patricia said...

as quickly as something like this can flare up, it can be extinguished with a loving act that catches us equally by surprise.

i just love this about love.