Thursday, February 07, 2008

Bearded clam

Lately I've been thinking that I should probably have sex with a woman before I die. You know, because I want to experience simply everything in this lifetime. (Okay, maybe not heroin, but even there, I could probably be convinced.) Sex with women used to be on par with, oh I don't know, eating fish guts or something. (The same "ew" feeling expressed by many heterosexuals when thinking about homosexual relations is shared by homos thinking about straight sex. ) As I get older though, I've found that while the idea of relations with females doesn't fall into the turns-me-on category, it doesn't cause me to think "ick" either. I suppose just stating that is heretical enough to have my gay card revoked, but you know, gay is just a label, and a limiting one too. I find most parts of the female body to be attractive, the smooth skin, the curvy hips, the nurturing nature of breasts, the soft lines of the face, but I still can't really find much beauty in the magic triangle. Unfortunately, that is really the most important part necessary for heterosexual intercourse. So now I'm thinking about how to change my attitude about it. I'm reading this story right now, "Middlesex", and I find it kind of erotic how a hundred years ago, even during relations, many times the woman is not completely naked. Obviously certain access has to be granted, but it doesn't necessarily have to be visible. That's the way I'm imagining it, without my face buried in the thicket. I do have one small, niggling concern......what if I liked it. I mean really, really liked it? That kind of scares me, though there's probably only a minute risk of that. I bet Brice would have some fine insight on the matter. Hey, maybe I'll put this on next year's goals list. This year, there is but one, to quit smoking.

43 comments:

CoffeeDog said...

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have sex with a man. Maybe we should form a group and take it on the road "Gays Who Want To Have Sex With The Opposite Sex." We could get a guest spot on Oprah, we could write a book, we'd get rich and famous, then we'd have our choice opposite sex partners! Movie stars would want us, a whole new lifestyle would emerge for us! We'd get movie offers, our blogs would skyrocket and become famous!

I can see it now.

Snooze said...

I think CD has a great idea! Barring that, you can do me. I'll laugh if you stop after 5 seconds going "Ewwww".

Dantallion said...

Just dive in and think of England.

Truth be told, it can be pretty amazing. But I wouldn't worry so much over really, really liking it to the point that you might want to switch teams. Just because you enjoyed a good lobster does not change the fact that a well prepared steak is still your favourite meal...

Lemuel said...

Been there, done that.
I think you are well-advised to stick with your primary goal. :)

Chicken said...

I will offer no advice on this one, my friend.

RoxRocks said...

I don't think anyone is 100% gay or straight. Straight people have gay ponderings and so it seems only logical that you would also have ponderings.

It's like only every having red licorice. How do you know you don't like black licorice if you've never tried it?

I can't wait to see what Brice has to say about all this!

Anonymous said...

I don't feel limited in the least by my gay label. But then again, I don't particularly care for soft skin, curvey hips, and nurturing breasts...

I've slept with a few women. What can I say? I was young and pretty and pretty drunk - and THEY STARTED IT!! Physically, I was able to get off, but with me, there was absolutely no emotional involvement. It was completely mechanical and hence, not very satisfying. I guess I would find masturbating more gratifying. And I have never - ever - been able to masturbate thinking about a woman. I'm sure I've never even tired.

If there was just me and Angelina Jolie left on the planet, we'd live in separate houses. Oh we'd get together and cook & stuff, but that would be about it.

Laverne said...

Interesting for me to read this.

Fish guts, huh?

I've never been grossed out by the thought of gay sex, nor the idea of being with a woman. More like just... nothing. You know, like a big, fluffy pillow is warm, and soft, but it doesn't turn me on. That's how I imagine sex with a woman would be for me.

don said...

Wait a few years and Serge will grow some curvey hips, and nurturing breasts... Many men do in there latter years. I know that my Dad has a nice rack...

YNAGER'65 said...

Well, dont worry Torn - just show the gal the last post w/pic and I am sure she would re-think it as well, lol.

I am on the fence about this one..I haven't ever been with a woman as well, but I don't feel the need to do it now...I know it sounds horrible, but I think I would look at it like a "hole is a hole", lol.

GayProf said...

New experiences are always worthwhile. Of course, the problem being that this sounds a bit one-sided. I am not sure your potential female partner is going to have a great time...

Cooper said...

Middlesex is a fantastic book! I couldn't put it down.

As for your new goal, I am sure there are a lot of women out there who would be happy to volunteer to assist you in your endeavor. Please post results because, of course, we'll all be dying to know what Torn thinks of delving into the "magic triangle". (That phrase made me giggle.)

David said...

While I can get aroused watching a man who loves sex with women have sex with a woman, the idea has little appeal for me personally. Breasts are a big turn-off, on men or women. Even guys who are built too big in the chest area are a turn-off for me.

I also don't find a woman's backside attractive, whereas I've been known to ascend staircases I didn't need to climb simply to observe the play of a fine man's ass as he climbs ahead of me.

The vajay-jay doesn't gross me out, it just looks far too complicated. Male equipment is so much more straight-forward (no pun intended).

em said...

I adore you for writing this. Also, Don made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

Like Bungee Jumping, Sex with a female will never be on my to do list. I know there are many Gay men who have fathered children. If you do have sex with a woman, you'll probably need a smoke afterwards, or lysol, hehe. Ed

Mark in DE said...

I completely disagree with roxrocks. I can assure you I am 100% gay. 110% gay, if that's an option.

And to rebutt the licorice theory I offer the old addage: "You don't have to stick your hand in the flame to know its hot."

If you really want to give it a try, talk to Serge first. But I recommend sticking with this year's goal!

Mark :-)

jali said...

I happily volunteer for the experiment.








Only kidding Serge.

Anonymous said...

Me again... I left the 7th comment down... It's funny - I was thinking of this "incident" just this morning while waiting for the bus (and before I read your post)... When I was in my last year of university (circa 1983), this crazy actress chick and I went out clubbing one night. Over the course of the evening, we were both drawn to the same guy (tall, dark, and very handsome)- and he seemed to be reciprocating our feelings. I ended up inviting them both back to my place to see who would end up in the sack with him... Turned out, he wanted both of us - at the same time, which I (not having had enough to drink) wasn't into. I put them in the spare room and went to bed. Eventually, buddy dragged the gal into my bed. I was about to protest, but the gal graciously passed out and he and I had some great sex. He was totally into both of us. I got up and made him coffee the next morning and he gave me a deep and pasionate kiss before he left. My first encounter with a real live honest-to-God bisexual! Ah... University daze...

mainja said...

I agree with Dan, I think that the truth is there really is no danger that it's going to be something that is going to completely change your life. Who knows, it might be fun, you might want to do it again someday, but it's not going to change your preference for men.

Also, Rox has made me crave red licorice, but as you can imagine, there is none anywhere near me, because, well, who keeps red licorice around the house...

Brice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brice said...

Brice, the canadian bisexualist...

You just need to find a kinky submissive bitch. The kind that would never "deserve" to have her magic triangle tongued. That way you can caress, cuddle, and bang, but without the fear of the beef-curtains.
As for "what if I like it" fear ... if straight guys thought like that, many queer men wouldn't have half the partners we've had!

ps. Snooze is telling the truth: She does laugh if you stop and go "ewwwww!"




just kidding...
;)

Brice said...

Oh yeah, and don't forget. Girls have bums too. You don't always need to use the front door...

truthspew said...

I sort of did it the other way. From 13 to 19 I was pretty exclusively homosexual, then 19 to 25 I tried the hetero route and found out that it wasn't for me.

So glad I got that out of my system early.

Anonymous said...

I can't decide which I enjoy reading more - your blog, or the comments...and btw, if you decide you want to 'try' a woman, give me a call!

Polt said...

I had sex with a few girls in my teens years and early 20's. It was okay, I mean no sex is really BAD sex. But while I was doing it, I was thinking of thier brothers, or my friends, or our co-workers, what have you.

About 5 years ago, after a party spent drinking wine from a box, I tried it again, mainly at the girls insistance (she knew I was gay). We tried, but ended up laughing more than anything.

I dont know what kind of advice, if any, is contained in this, but that's been my experience.

And don made me laugh out loud.

HUGS...

dirk.mancuso said...

First that foot thing yesterday, now talk of entering the bearded clam.

Are you dedicating 2008 to pushing me over the edge?

Frank B said...

There are no rules for whom you may have sex with, other than that they be willing. I do think, though, that to honor the act, one must be attracted to the other, don't you?

David said...

Err..quit smoking I think is a better goal.

While I agree with experiencing everything before you shuttle off this mortal coil, that is not high on my list of things I really want to do.

Though, on the other hand, it's higher than making a house out of the lint in my dryer.

Brice said...

Dirk made a good point, although maybe not in the way he meant.
You'll put your TOES in your mouth, but not ladybits????
That's more than gay, that's gross.

Patrick said...

I just think it's too bad the Kinsey scale never really caught on. I think I'm probably a Kinsey 5, maybe 6, with days of being a
3. I have a list of women I wouldn't kick out of bed, but I don't know that I'll go seeking anyone out. At this point, it's like gayprof says, I'd be experimenting, which isn't all that fun for the other person. I can say this, having been the walk on the wild side for more than one basically straight guy. Whoo boy was that some disappointing sex.

I speak only for myself, however, on both subjects -sleeping with women, and sleeping with straight men.

Lewis said...

So I read the title of the post and thought to myself, "Na...he couldn't mean THAT." But, low and behold, he sure could. And "the thicket"? Now you're making even this former plugger of the triangle go "eewwww." I never ever liked it. In fact, I think you've inspired a blog entry....so keep an eye out for it. I must say, I think you can just cross it
off of your "to do" list. Stick with what works, my friend. Especially this time. A couple of quotes for you:

"I have tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic. And the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw."
"My daddy warned me about men and booze but he didn't say a word about women and cocaine!"
Tallulah Bankhead

Java said...

I go away for a few days and look what happens! Jeez.

Anonymous said...

Trust me Don is so right! Ed

PG said...

If yer luckie, cutie, you'll find a big-mouth gal and you can bite each others' toenails in the sauna, for starters, after snowshoeing for an afternoon.

Catherine said...

Middlesex was an awesome book.

Find a good girl friend you find attractive and play around a bit. Doesn't mean you have to have sex...but exploring could be fun.

If you do, please post the results! (Why I ask to post them, I have no clue because you talk about EVERYTHING which is why I love your blog!)

Sunshine said...

You know how much I LOVE your writing - but this post brought up some dreadful memories!! Eww, eww, eww.... :P

Snooze said...

Brice: Keep telling yourself that that's why I was laughing... ;)

justabamaguy said...

Hey I can say honestly I've thought about doing the same thing for the past 11 years but never acted upon it. I have a boyfriend who would be okay if I did decide to dive into the "magic triangle". But short of holding hands and hugs from coworkers, and one date in high school with a female, it's not happened. Keep us posted on this experience and how you get it to happen. After your experience, I too might decide to go out and do something like your plan. Enjoy your blog. Keep up the great writing!!

Gregory said...

i've slept with many women and i guess i take a different tack here: to me, when the lights are off, skin is skin. what you do is different (a bit), but that contact between bodies isn't THAT different.

i am into women frequently, though i consider myself gay. i used to say i was bisexual but for me, women were just fun to go to bed with now and then, i wanted to date men...

but it's interesting to hear that "women are gross" thing because it's so usual amongst gay men...common, i guess, but i find it a bit...odd...

Signalite said...

Hmmmm.

I can't say that I was ever grossed out at all. It was nice being able to please another person in that way.

Which is not to say once I finally had it with the right man it was so completely satisfying that there is no turning back now. And truly I haven't ever had a woman turn me on without some...concentration.

Cameron said...

It is not surprising that this particular post has garnered the MOST comments.

I feel that I am close to being 100% into men but I did have a sexual experience with a close woman friend in 1980. She was the aggressor; I, the willing participant. It was mildly pleasant but not something I cared to repeat. Luckily, we remained good friends afterwards!

;-)

Marc said...

I bet you knew you'd like sex with a man before you ever had it, right? As a decided 6 on the Kinsey scale, I had the same vague curiosity about doing with a girl before I took the plunge at 17 with a very attractive young woman. It was exactly as I anticipated. Pleasant enough, (it IS sex) but hardly conversionary. Afterwards, I didn't really want to cuddle, my hands wanted to lay on pecs, not breasts. I would bet a whole lotta money you'd have exactly the same experience.

Steven said...

Some frank talk about pussy and there are 42 comments (43, including mine).

You just gave me an idea...