Friday, February 01, 2008

Dégoûtant

Got a nasty burn on my hand yesterday. Spouse decided to go out with his friends from work so I popped a pizza in the oven for dinner. When I was pulling it out, the crust broke, and as it was falling, I tried to catch it with my free hand and the cheese bonded with my flesh. The pizza landed face down on the floor. As I was ow ow owing, I was interjecting "NO SARA!" to keep her away from the steaming mess on the floor. The flow of thoughts was very fast at that point as my hand resembled a cartoon burned hand, bright red, throbbing. "Now when was the last time the maid was here, sara stay away, it was Monday wasn't it, the floor's not that dirty, just our stocking feet have been on it, plus sara always cleans the kitchen floor of any detritus, a spatula, that's what I need, a spatula, Sara No, why aren't there any clean spatulas, shit, oh here's one." Then I scooped up the upside-down pizza onto a plate, scooped up the remaining goo and put it on top and spread it around. Twasn't half bad, actually. I consoled myself with the thought that it's good to challenge the body to germs now and then to keep that immune system primed and at the ready. But honestly, this morning, I'm a bit aghast that I ate something off the kitchen floor. I wonder how many sara hairs were in that mess. Ugh.

30 comments:

Lemuel said...

Think of them as added fiber. ;)

Maurice said...

Okay, what I want to know is this: Did you do that because you gave up (and deep down you miss) regurgitating certain foods in front of your friends? Eewwww!

Snooze said...

The pain of your burn clouded your mind. I could eat something that just sat on top of the floor - like the crust. But I don't think I could scrape melted cheese off the floor and eat it. I'm in awe of you.

Anonymous said...

Let's hope a little mouse didn't poop on the floor during the night. Haha! I'm sure you'll be fine. You don't have Cockroaches do you? It is a good thing you found a clean spatula. What I wouldn't give to have seen a video of this. Ed

GayProf said...

If you ate the pizza with a cocktail, the liquor killed all the germs. At least that is how I would have dealt with that situation.

Paul said...

Nothing is as hot as molten cheese. Sorry about your hand ... that's likely to leave scars.

Frank said...

At least the spatula was clean.

David said...

I will take stories of you eating food off the floor over scat stories any day.

"Just David!" said...

I could never do that, not out of some sense of propriety or anything, it's just that I don't have the immune system to handle the germs. Otherwise, well, it really would have depended on the maid's latest visit and I probably would have done the same thing. Ha!!!

Cooper said...

You're a better man than I am. I couldn't have done it. Has the burn blistered? If so, You should get some flamazine for it. Oh, and don't break the blister. That introduces infection. You should just let it break naturally, put flamazine on it, and a bandage over that. (In my line of work, we get small burns a lot.)

bardelf said...

torn ate off the floor! torn ate off the floor! Well, surely you've had worse things in your mouth.

RoxRocks said...

Remind me, if we ever meet and I happen to forget, never to eat at your house. Oh and don't let me kiss you either.

LMAO!!!!

Ahhh, who am I kidding? I would eat at your house and kiss you too. Then we could talk about poo all night. :)

jali said...

Um...
I got nuttin'.

Lewis said...

Plus, the hot temperature of the cheese on the floor probably eliminated any remining germs on the floor. See, it's all good!

lattégirl said...

Admitting it is the first step.

My kitchen floor is definitely not clean enough to eat off. Gah.

Sorry about your hand, but still this post cracked me up, especially the "SARA NO!" bits.

TJ said...

Now you see this is the kind of stuff that at some time or another all of us have done but would never tell anyone and then you come along and blow the cover off this dirty little secret. I love it! Even as I type this and people are going to read it they will still say "Oh no I've never done that" and I'm going to say "Me either" This is some funny stuff and the best part is it's real.

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

gonna heave :>) hee hee

christopherc said...

So, that's how you get Canadian Bacon on your pizza?
-C

Dantallion said...

Ow. Hope the burn heals quickly.

As for eating off the kitchen floor - you're a lot braver that I am. I'm very dédaigneux that way (the Québecois meaning, not the French meaning)

Mark in DE said...

Hope your hand is okay, but I must admit laughing out loud as I read this story. I could absolutely picture it happening and hear the verbal stream of conciousness.

Mark :-)

Laverne said...

My floor is too scary to eat any thing that fell on it.

I hope your hand heals quickly.

Poor baby.

David said...

I probably would've tossed it. But, then again, if nobody else saw it, who knows?

Eh.

Mike said...

The "five-seconds" rule totally comes into play here.

Just don't tell anyone.

robert78 said...

haha hunger is the perfect motivator to eat things off the floor. Even goopy cheeze. Even when there's dog hair. I... probably would've done it. Especially if i was hungry, and i was looking forward to it, and i loved pizza (which i do).

but degoutant is right lol, especially upon reflection.

"NO SARA" hahahaa :D

Lacey said...

Oh please. This from someone who chews his toenails. Nothing surprises me.

Summer said...

I hope your hand feels better, get some aloe for it. I would have been concerned that my dog would have burned his tongue while scarfing down the pizza. Anything on the floor is fair game to him.

Sunshine of Your Life said...

Hey, what doesn't kill you and all that....
Then again, you haven't posted today. Hope I didn't speak too soon? Take care of that hand! Yikes!

Patrick said...

I figure there were only a few more Sara hairs than there would have been anyway. I probably would have done the same thing, and I bet my kitchen floor is grosser than yours. TMI, perhaps. I agree, it makes our immune systems stronger.

Cameron said...

It's a testimony to your clean floor that you felt comfortable eating from it.

Did Sara clean up the mess afterwards? Ooooh, squeaky-clean once more!

;)

dirk.mancuso said...

Don't tell anyone, but I've totally done that, too.

More than once.