Friday, February 22, 2008

Snippets

* There's only one recipe I'll "stir constantly" for. Pudding.

* I recently read that one in five American adults believe the sun rotates around the earth. I bet you they voted for Bush.

* Much happiness can be salvaged if self-bashing (also known as regret) supplants "what can I learn from this?"

* I also read that graduating European students have far better English skills than graduating Quebecers. In the province's attempt to preserve the language, the coming of age workforce is put at a disadvantage comparatively. Especially considering the proximity/intertwining of the surrounding English speaking states and provinces. I know it's a complicated issue, but who wouldn't want their kids to have an advantage in the world?

* Still, perhaps I should be grateful. If the adults had better English skills, I'd be out of a job.

* I did a lame thing the other day. See I had my Ipod on and was listening to tunes on an elevator. And you know I discovered a little autonomic filter that happens when a flatulent announces its intentions to be let. If the ambient noise is loud and I'm alone, I'll let her fly without a real meeting with my conscious mind. And so I did. Only then did my brain say, "Wait, you're on an elevator! And it stinks! Please let there be no additional passengers. " Of course at my floor, three people got on. One of them was a student of mine! So I made a face and said, "Whew! It was like that when I got on!" I don't know if they believed me.

* Speaking of farts, it's been my experience that the more voluminous, the less smelly. Said another way, the smaller the ranker. What say you?

* Tonight I'm having moose for dinner. My first moose dinner. Oh boy!

27 comments:

Lemuel said...

Well, a recent poll stated that his approval rating was at 19%!

Snooze said...

The saying, "Silent but deadly" is usually true.

bardelf said...

Let us know what you think of the moose. It is very popular in Newfoundland. I've tried it a few different ways, but find it still a bit too 'gamey'. It's stronger than deer meat.

CoffeeDog said...

"that the more voluminous, the less smelly. Said another way, the smaller the ranker." Fart Theory, I love it.

BentonQuest said...

What I hate about iPods is that sometimes I forget that just because I can't hear the fart doesn't mean those around me can't!

Angie said...

Much happiness can be salvaged if self-bashing (also known as regret) supplants "what can I learn from this?"

Heheh! I don't think you mean that.

Still, I kinda like it. And hey, who doesn't need a little extra self-bashing now and again? :-)

OK, you can resume farting now.

Anonymous said...

I tried Moose and couldn't tell it from Deer meat.
Next time you're in the Elevator and Gas happens, say nothing. If someone says Ewww! Say he who smelt it delt it! Ed

Patricia said...

out of lurker mode to chastise you for eating bullwinkle. for shame.

enjoy :)

ChickenStrip said...

"The smeller's the feller."

I just act like nothing happened when I do.

Dantallion said...

I'm betting that the moose dinner will result in small but deadly farts. I'm also betting that, if it does, you'll let us know!

RoxRocks said...

They don't call them "Silent But Violent" for nothing!

Moose is good eats! If it is killed while it's in the rut, that's what makes it gamey. Just a little bit of hunting knowledge. :)

I have a fudge recipe that you have to stir constantly for five minutes but it is worth the achy arm!

Cooper said...

There's a moose in every freezer here. Well, almost. The secret is to cook it slowly ...like pot roast. I find it a bit gamey, despite the fact that I grew up eating it weekly. My Nana even canned it ... yes, we had canned moose in our cold room.

I hope you guys are feeling better.

GayProf said...

I wonder what type of farts will result from digesting moose. Keep us updated.

Mark in DE said...

Your humorous story of farting in the elevator reminds me of a situation several years ago when I was having a work discussion with another employee. Suddenly I had painful cramping and realized I needed to get rid of some gas. I just had to. I let a silent one go, and just as silently congratulated myself for being so stealth. Then, the smell hit. The other employee looked around quizzically and asked "Do you smell something? Maybe its the furnace", to which I totally lied and said "No, I don't smell anything."

You're not the only lame one.

Mark :-)

Lewis said...

No stirring fro Risotto? Yummy.

anabel said...

I'm going to use the third one as a mantra for a while.

"What can I learn from this?"

Where the hell do I start? Let me count the ways.

dawn said...

Mooses are probably better than cows right now, cause they are recalling all of them. You'll have to eat moose until the cows come home.

I kill me.

And you kill me with the farting in the elevator story. I didn't realize people did that anywhere but on sitcoms.

dirkmancuso said...

Oh, Torn -- if it isn't poo, it's farts. Bless your heart.

And moose? Egads.

Polt said...

A Moose once bit my sister. Pretty nasty really.

*Hilarious Movie Reference Alert!*

HUGS...

RJ March said...

Lewis is right-- risotto is devine. All that stirring is definitely worth it.

Secondly, some waiters (okay, me) would walk through their sections of the restaurant, letting some rip now and then. We called it "crop-dusting." Nowadays, I let one rip in the walk-in refrigerator and pray no one needs anything from it right away.

Enjoy(?) the moose.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Ah, what would I do without your Snippets?

I predict you'll LOVE the moose. I had elk for the first time this winter. Delicioso!

Summer said...

People really eat moose. Lordy, are they cavemen? No offense to any cavemen out there.

TankMontreal said...

Can't say I concur with your fart analysis. The louder the smellier (and more satisfying, but that's probably another post) is my experience.
Hoping you'll report back on the post-moose farts...

christopherc said...

Some great snippets indeed!

I love game meats, I always use lots of onion and garlic to prevent the gamey taste cooper spoke of. I can't wait to hear how it came out for you though.

As for stirring, it's not so much what the dish is, but who I'm cooking it for. If I'm cooking for people I love and adore, stirring is not an issue.

Well, I'm off to the slopes... have a nice day!

-C

Cameron said...

A fart caused a feud in the "Phantom" pit which rages to this day. It will probably continue as long as the perpetrator and the accuser remain in the orchestra.

This happened eight years ago!

The perp. still denies that he did it. He and the main accuser came to blows. The atmosphere in the pit has never been the same since.

But at least the farting stopped.

birdoparadise said...

Lessee: you've blogged about cuisine, astronomy, introspection, language skills, and flatulence. What are the vast majority of comments about? Farting.

You've found your audience, Torn.

Steven said...

I still have a tear in my eye from laughing over the fart in the elevator snippet.