Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Get over it

I'm still not used to the dog being gone. It's fine most of the time now but I still have a verklempt moment each time I walk in the door and she's not there to greet me. Spouse believes in not mentioning it though and gets a bit cross when I do. His favorite line to anyone in emotional distress is "get over it" and though I'm not in total agreement with him, at least he walks his own talk. I think I would be a better actor now because if I needed to cry during a scene, I could pretty easily access the crying trigger by just pondering her at those final moments - something I'm avoiding doing now at all costs. Why relive a terrible moment if you don't have to right?

Aside from that, everything seems pretty smooth and calm around here. That is NOT a complaint, just in case the universe is reading. There was a little discovery we made on the weekend during the torrential rainstorm Saturday. Water infiltration in the basement. It's coming from a hole in the foundation but it's a man made hole, the drilling of which perplexes us. We're going to fill it obviously. During our sleuthing we discovered an ant's nest in there as well. We don't have any insect killer so Serge got the next best thing - WD-40. Poor little critters.

I wish I had more to share, but when you write every day, sometimes there's nothing to relate. Spouse and I had a big fight last night - about the remote control of all things - but no sense aggravating our feelings by exposing it to everyone. It's always the stupid little things that end up as the big altercations. Today I'll work on "getting over it."

26 comments:

Snooze said...

Calmness is good. Weird about the foundation though. I wonder why the last people did that?

CoffeeDog said...

Oh we fight about the silliest things too. Get over it. hehe

Sh@ney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sh@ney said...

Hehe...that bickering makes up for about 45% of my relationship! I don't think I could live without it now! I always thought I was meant to be on my own, does this confirm my theory? Time will tell!

Hope you are travelling well stud, big hugs to you and your significant other!

Anonymous said...

It has been several years since my little doggie died and although he was very old I can still cry about his passing. Only those we really care about can make us hurt inside. In the big picture of things you'll look back and laugh at fighting over the remote control. I suggest getting another TV in the bedroom and move to opposite corners to watch when a conflict over it develops. ed

Birdie said...

I, too, want to say "get over it" when I hear a lot of complaining. But to say that about grief is disregarding feelings that need to be expressed somehow. You each have your own equally valid responses to grief, and they should be honored. Sounds like you need to sit down and talk. Then the tension won't need an escape valve like control over the remote. (And it is my opinion that every human conflict is about control. FWIW.) And sometimes reliving a terrible moment is how we process through the feelings. It's okay to not be okay for awhile.

David said...

"Get over it" sounds to me more like a defense mechanism from someone who would prefer not to face his own feelings. But that's just my perspective.

Also, fights over the remote are never really about the remote.

David said...

Heh heh, Birdie, you and me are on pretty similar wavelengths. Quelle surprise.

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Oh, geeeeez, you two do NOT need to sit down and talk about this. It won't make you feel any better, and it'll just make Serge annoyed. The dynamic in your relationship has served you well for years and years: why screw with it?

You should be more patient with yourself, though. You'll get over it when you get over it.

peter said...

Uou'll get over it in due time, now it's still raw and fresh.

A big fight over something futile has also a good thing in the end... you make up afterwards.

Greg said...

Great. Greasy ants.

: )

Richard said...

It’s hard to recover from the death of a pet. Take time to process your grief. I know it must be tough.

Roxrocks said...

Denial is a powerful coping mechanism. It makes people act out in different ways, like fighting over the remote for instance.

You're both hurting in different ways. It's okay.

GayProf said...

I agree with RoxRocks. Denial or "walking it off" is one means that people, especially men, have learned to deal with emotional devastation. There isn't much evidence that it is a better way to go than spending time to think about it.

Remember, this just happened. If we were talking about something that happened four years ago, it would be different.

Phronk said...

I still automatically stoop down to greet / keep my dog from running out the door every time I enter my apartment. It's not the same (she's alive; I just don't live with her any more), but it's been nearly a year...you never "get over it" completely, but I think that's a good thing.

Joseph said...

I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. I have had to put down a dog twice, and it takes a long time to get over it. Dogs become family members and it is not easy to "get over it." I wish you the best.

Patricia said...

It's often hard when a couple's coping styles conlict. I think it's especially hard when it's about how differently people grieve.

Fights about things like the remote or the toothpaste are almost always about the bigger things. I've come to realize that knowing that is half the battle. It allows me to let more of the little things go and deal with the real issues more directly. I'm still waiting on the hubs to come to this same realization ;)

afod said...

I could relate about what you said regarding being a better actor by accessing the trigger. A "serious" trigger I have to keep me from laughing either at someone or just from someone trying to make me laugh is to think of an alderman who once accused me of embezzling. Just "picturing" her makes me furious. :-)

truthspew said...

Keyron and I don't argue a whole hell of a lot.

I think we know each other well enough by now that we can overlook the stupid things.

WRT the dog, she's only been gone a little while. I know I moved a little fast after we had put down the last cat but I figured that we needed a mouser, and I gave an adult cat a chance to have a good life. That's how we ended up with Angie who is a really sweet cat.

Go look at puppys pronto!

Summer said...

It's only been a few weeks since Sarah left you. This takes time and you can't rush it. If Serge won't listen, we will. One of my hardest moments were coming home to an empty house. Spouse and I argue of silly things too but don't seem to argue about the big stuff.

Java said...

Good luck, dear. (((Hugs)))

dykewife said...

now, it's just my own experience, but when i fight about little things it's most usually when something big is bothering me but i pick on little things as a way of showing distress.

as to getting over the death of your dear pup...the loss of someone precious in your life isn't something you "get over" it's something you adapt to. everyone has their own way of adapting to the absence the dear one. i find that telling someone to "get over it" rather than showing a degree of compassion, like a hug or something, is being less than nice. while serge might his way of doing things works for him, it's equally important that he recognize that it isn't yours. i'm sorry you're encountering such insensitivity and worse, that you're feeling you have no right to grieve as you need to. :(

A Lewis said...

I'm afraid that I agree with your hubby....get over it. BUT ONLY AFTER having worked through it, dealt with it, thought it out, faced deeply terrible emotions, and then put it to rest. Not before. We go THROUGH things in our lives...not around them. I can't imagine how quiet the house must seem. My thoughts are still with you....

Mark in DE said...

Oh, the remote control. There have been some fights in our house from this, too. Once I had it to my limit so I threw the remote at Spouse! I'm not advocating this behavior, but the look on his face told me he understood.

Mark :-)

johnny368 said...

Everything takes time man...: )

arsace said...

You loved your dogand she loved you. You are in deep grief becxasuue you lost her. You cry and mourne as long as you need to. Love and loss thereof is not something you get over so easily and quickly.
Hugs
arsace