Monday, January 15, 2007
What is your biggest fear? "Not to succeed in life," was nude dancer's written response. As I was cleaning up the mountain on the desk, a paper detailing every person that has "wronged" him was there, explaining his resentment towards his family members and acquaintances. This had fallen out of a folder of his writings and included a long psychological survey. I cleared a corner of the bed and sat down to get in touch with my inner voyeur. It was painful stuff, the kind of things you read on Post Secret. Began stealing at the age of 8, refined his skills and stole every day until he was 16 and got caught. He learned early on to manipulate people to achieve his ends. He is very proud of this ability and knows how to play the angel. "I played the angelic kid well, always happy and excited. But inside, I hated everything and I just wanted to die." He hates his father, who beat him regularly and never believed in him. He blames his father for poisoning the relationship with his wife and turning his mother against him. He seeks vengence on those who hurt him, he has destroyed reputations by spreading falsehoods. He has nothing to be afraid of, and yet he is always afraid.
My hands were shaking as I read it. But at the same time, it confirmed what I suspected. A fucked-up childhood led to a fucked-up adulthood, perhaps a psychopath in the making. I put the papers back into the folder and boxed it up with his other things. His penmanship was impeccable.
It took about 5 hours to pack up and move everything to the garage. Posted an ad in the evening and we already have someone to come look at it this evening. Today, my legs are noodles.