Sunday, January 14, 2007

Kitchen table clues

We got a call Friday night. It was nude dancer. He wouldn't be able to come and pick up his things until Monday or Tuesday, sorry sorry sorry, and Serge, bless his heart said, "we can't trust anything you say anymore and we need to get that place rented." Remember we had left him a message Wednesday saying he had until Saturday to come get his shit. So he promised to come Monday (or Tuesday) and also promised to pass by Saturday to give us some money (it was a lie but I don't think he can help himself).

I decided not to wait. So I went up yesterday with trash bags and Windex and started on the kitchen. The details of his life were displayed in the pile on the kitchen table. A pile of garbage seemingly, cigarette butts, junk mail, rolling papers, food wrappings, mail, papers of various kinds. Here is a letter we gave him a month ago, torn in two. Here is a notice stating that the cut off of his welfare payments would be December 1st. Here is a three month Cocaine Anonymous chip. Here are the divorce papers and the judge's decree for spousal/child support. (He has a boy with a name that begins with "Z".) Here is his 6 month CA chip. Here is a letter from a roommate: "I have to go because I can't tolerate the mess anymore. Maybe I'll see you at a meeting." Here is the notice of revocation of his driving license. Here is his wedding picture. Here is a mirror with white powder remnants on it.

And as I cleaned the filth in the kitchen, the rotting matter in the sink and the cat turds on the floor, I felt terribly sad. I had no remorse for the action we're taking but I just hate seeing someone's life go into the toilet.

Today we're boxing up his personal stuff and moving it into the garage.

20 comments:

Lemuel said...

Your sadness is (as I read) [appropriately] in the observation, not in the cause.

It does cause one to wonder why he became so dysfunctional.

Sunshine said...

I can understand why you felt sad. I would too. But I guess it's all about choices and those things were evidence of what kind of choices he had made so far in his life. :(

dirk.mancuso said...

Nude Dancer is a jerk who has made a mess of his own life and continues to act self destructively. There are no good excuses for his actions, the ramifications of which hurt good people such as yourselves.

So why, after reading today's post, do I feel just the teeniest bit bad for him?

Anonymous said...

It makes me wonder.

How could someone's life go so terribly wrong? Drugs are a part, of course, but lots of people do drugs and don't end up like this.

He was married, he has a son... tried 12-step... had a roommate..had a cat.. had a nice apartment...

How many bad choices did he have to make to get to where he is now? Is this what happens on the way to homelessness?


I disagree with Dirk; it's too easy to dismiss him as a jerk.

This guy is a mess.

I'm just glad his mess won't be overflowing into your life for (hopefully) much longer.

GayProf said...

I actually think it would be surprisingly easy to end up like ND. People make decisions based on what they imagine will make them happy in the short term, but never imagine that it will have serious long-term consequences. It wouldn't take that much time to simply forget about the long-term and start living for the moment. In the meantime, the people who surround you just become inconveniences in your selfish quests.

I hope ND wakes up soon.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Rebekah said exactly what I would have said if I'd had some coffee yet this morning. Thanks Becks! Anyway, it is sad. Maybe this will be what it takes for him to be at rock bottom though and change his life. If not, well, you did more than what many others would have.

Anonymous said...

I have to wonder, did the drugs come first, or did they come as a result of/in reaction to the other stuff going on in his life.

Anonymous said...

He made his bed, so to speak, now he has to lie in it!! You shouldn't give him a second thought, he obviously isn't giving you one!! Kick him to the curb!! People like that will find a way to use someone else or get the help they need, either way, not your problem. I'm sure you have enough on your plate to worry about without worrying about him!

Ed said...

Torn, you guys had the patience of Job where ND was concerned. I would have kicked him to the curb long ago. You are good people. You feel sorry for him even if the road he took was of his own choosing. If he doesn't wake up soon the outcome won't be pretty.
I just hope his child grows up to become a better person.

Snooze said...

I agree with Rebekah and Chunks. You did well though Torn - you gave him chance after chance. He needs a social worker and that's not your role.

Anonymous said...

Regarding your sadness, I can sympathize. However, I believe it should be clarified that his life is not in the toilet, it is in a garage. In boxes. He seemingly has very little remorse for his mistakes (i.e., the 3- and 6-month CA chips residing on the same table as the white powder-layden mirror).

Freak Magnet said...

That's no excuse to do the shit he's doing. He needs to grab hold at some point and pull himself out of that hole he's in. No one else is going to do it for him, and it's not going to happen on its own.

I hope everything goes smoother for you guys. It sucks to have been put in this position.

David said...

I often bemoan my circumstances -not earning a lot of money (and nevr going too), no boyfriend, family that drives me crazy and others, but then I realize that there are people like Nude Dancer who create their problems, don't take any accountability for tehir actions.

Feel sorry for him, but don't pity him, either. While we'll never know what sent him on this destructive course -and there has to be a junction point, a fork in the road where he took the wrong turn-off - he has to held accountable.

He has a son, which makes me want to cry. And even if his ex-wife hates him, that boy must miss him.

Once Nude Dancer is gone from you're lives, I cannot help but wonder (and I really shoudn't) where his destiny is: help or a visit to the county morgue.

He appears to be on a destruction freeway, heading into a exit that leads to the undiscovered country.

It is sad, but I guess my life is not so bad.

Mmmm.

Spider said...

I also read the post and while I know what a shit he has been, I feel sad for Nude Dancer... there have been times in my days when my life was laid out on a kitchen table or a counter... and there were reminants of drugs and booze and lost relationships and neglected pets... and you certainly don't plan it that way - and you don't want it to be like that and it was never your intention to take advantage of those who showed you goodwill...

It is just sad that life happens as it does - that some of us allow it to go the way it does - it just makes me VERY THANKFUL that my life is no longer spread out all over the kitchen table...

Enemy of the Republic said...

Tornwordo, I think it's moving that you can feel for this guy, despite all his obvious shortcomings. That really takes heart. You are a pleasure to know, albiet in blogland.

Donna said...

any herb?

Jason said...

Next time I feel like my life is in the toilet, I'm going to remember ND. Sad story.

Patricia said...

nd was not a blip on your screen, any more that you were on his. i think it happened an an opportunity for him to grow and learn and be responsible. you treated him with dignity and fairness and in the end, gravitated toward compassion.

he chose his path and will have to deal with it. i hope he makes more loving (toward himself and his son) choices soon. the next opportunity he gets for learning lessons may not be so gentle.

i hope you get a great new tenant soon.

David said...

That was so very sad. And beautifully evoked.

Steven said...

Here is a mirror with white powder remnants on it.

If it wasn't for the fact that it's a guy, I would've assumed you rented the place to Lindsay Lohan.