Monday, January 22, 2007

Squat down to my level, won't you?

Another half an hour sitting in front of this darn screen. When little transpires in life, there is little to report. I did wake up in the middle of the night to poo. This is highly unusual for me. It's also highly disconcerting to be forced awake by the fear of shitting the bed. I'm not mentioning any names but someone else in the bed has twice sullied the sheets over the years. Apparently, he wakes with more difficulty than I. It is a rude awakening, let me tell you, for the both of us.

Aren't you glad you came by for edification?

In other non-news, we have officially switched to the commercial toilet paper that pornstar left in the garage. As you'll recall, there are dozens of cases of these giant rolls.
No, it is in no way ideal. Still, at a penny a wipe, that shit adds up. (yuk yuk yuk)

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

If I were Spouse I would kill you after that little info you shared with us. Of course as one of your blog readers I love your TMI moments.

CoffeeDog said...

Sullied the sheets. I've never heard that word used like that, must go look it up.

Timmy said...

that roll looks big enough to paper the bed, in case of unforeseen sullying.

Anonymous said...

that's funny shit!!! you should come up with a contest to find out who the best penny pinchers are that read your blog!! Grand Prize: 2 Giant Rolls of Toilet Paper... shipped COD of course!!! I've got a good one I'm not revealing until there's a contest, I want a prize!!! lol

Anonymous said...

I wonder how long a roll lasts? Looks like it would be forever.

He sullied the sheets?! WOW! And you are still with him? hahaha! Oh well, shit happens.

Jason said...

I had no idea that could happen (until I saw Trainspotting).

Ed said...

You are on a ROLL today. Your Blog really CRACKS me up! It is usually businesses that have this type of TP. They have a large plastic dispenser which is impossible to get enough paper out of. I don't think TP is something I want to pinch pennies on.
Your guests must say oh look at that humongous roll they must have a problem and look at that brown spot in the stool, I hope I didn't do that.

Anonymous said...

At the girls' weekend, we disclosed our most embarassing moments. Most involved shit. I didn't bother repeating the "skirt crapper" episode since one girl had an even worse moment. In a department store with her young daughter, she barely most it into the stall before exploding all over the stall. We howled!

BTW - regarding your taxes, I suggest you phone the tax office and inquire about amounts and due dates. Don't wait for the bill - it may have been sent to PornStar in error.

Jane

Spider said...

You are going to be sorry - after about a week of using that stuff your ass is going to hurt like a virgin's in a frat house...

dirk.mancuso said...

What does it say about me that I never tire of poop stories?

And Spider's right -- you might want to have an extra roll of the real stuff alongside that one so you can trade off when things get a bit chaffed...

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

Those huge rolls aren't that good a deal. As you've noticed, the paper is so thing you can SEE through it, so you have to use about five times as much as normal.
I'm such a grumpy old man this morning.

I guess I didn't have a good poop and I'm just angry.

Lemuel said...

I hate that commercial stuff. So thin and no perforations and the stuff doesn't tear right - yet your fingers punch through it. Yecch.

Cooper said...

I like the table it's standing on.

David said...

I was eating my morning yogurt when I read this.

Was.

Em said...

You must have had to really PUSH to SQUEEZE this one out!

I like the contest and prize idea.

Adam said...

What I love about this blog is its candor.

That paper must be so rough.

Anonymous said...

Spouse now has spousal-abuse rights after "outing" him!

Bad, bad man!

heehee

Patricia said...

ok this post is disturbing in many ways.

1. you let us get awfully close to the stain formerly known as unflushable poo and then don't let us see all the way in the bowl.

2. you tell us that you've started using that awful, scratchy stuff. i don't care if it's free. it's painful! and

3. it would appear that the roll of scratchy stuff needs to be picked up each and every time it is used. this just won't do. but i guess a commercial dispenser will take away from the decor.

very disturbing indeed.

Anonymous said...

That's a mighty big roll. I hope the dog doesn't get into rolling it around!

Wiping with it might make one's bottom chapped, but what if we still had to use corncobs, plant leaves, or Sears catalog pages!

Anonymous said...

If pornstar left it in the garage, it's less than a penny a poo... it's free!

But now you're going to have to stock up even more on the cottonelle moist wipes.

moist.

That's such a descriptive word.

Anonymous said...

What a lovely way to start the week. Thank you so much for sharing.

Good news, if you get attacked while in the bathroom, which I'm sure happens all the time, you can use the toilet paper as some sort of weapon I'm sure. See! What a bargain.

Freak Magnet said...

Holy crap, that was funny.

Steven said...

This is the only place I can visit for a good poo story.

Thanks. You'll never know what it means to me.