Friday, October 26, 2007

What I think about in traffic

Wouldn't it be great to have recompense for all those injustices done to you? Maybe this is too big brotherish but imagine a time when we've all got the identity chip in us that has a karmic add-on. How it would work is that for instance, if a driver cuts you off in traffic, you're automatically credited five bucks from the asshole's account. Or a new line at the market opens, and the last person in your line races over and skankifies you out of your next-in-lineness. Cha-ching! $20 you just made. Yes, I imagine the world would start to get much friendlier. Hell, we might even welcome injustices. In fact, we'd all probably be millionaires by now if someone had explored this business opportunity way back when. And Bush? He'd be a pauper.

20 comments:

Lemuel said...

I definitely liked your proposal when I got to the last sentence, but I am also trying to convince my engineer friends to design for me a laser gun that I can point to drivers who drive like idiots so that I can fry the computer components int heir vehicles and bring them to a stand still - or to cause their cell phones to explode in their ears as they talk and drive. Who me? Vindictive? nah!

Lyvvie said...

That sounds fucking brilliant!!!

Chip me up. Can I be on the committee that chooses what's acceptable and not acceptable? People who fart or spit in public: What's the charge for that? People who double park on single lane roads! People who tailgate on the highway, pass, and then pull in front of you only to take the exit ramp. What is that all about?? People who sneeze or drop food into the pages of library books? Handicapped plate holders using the "Parent's" spaces at grocery stores and don't have kids! I hate that! Go use your own expansive parking spaces over there and leave mine alone! Parents who let their kids scream and tantrum in public and SAY NOTHING to them and don not remove them. People who don't scoop pet poop!

I'm so on board with this!! Cyclists on sidewalks! Men who read porn on public transport. Muffin Tops! Can we fine someone for the fashion offense of muffin tops? Am I taking it too far with that one?

CoffeeDog said...

Ha, how funny! Just had a dream last night where a woman cut in front of of me in line. Where's my 20 bucks?

David said...

That's the big question: who would be the arbiter of proper behavior? Since a lot of it is subjective would there be a court to handle disputes? "He cut me off in traffic!" "But he was driving 10 below the speed limit!"

Somehow I see mankind finding a way to screw up this good idea.

lattégirl said...

Karma Kredits! I love it!

wayne said...

I already have a device for rude drivers. It's a clicker I can point at their car and it shuts off the gasoline for 15 minutes, leaving them stranded. Of course, it is still in the developement stages in my mind, but it sure helps to calm me down. New meaning to "point and click"!

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

Nice one! Payback time for those annoying people who don't give two hoots to their neighbour :>)
I think Mr Blair would be down a few pounds too.

Devo said...

Hilarious! Sadly, we would definitely find ways to screw it up and bastardize the process, but oh I love this!!

GayProf said...

If we put this into play, I think there should be serious dollar amounts that drivers have to pay for refusing to stop at cross walks. Getting to my office is often like playing a game of Frogger.

Chunks said...

Most of the times things don't bother me but if I had PMS, the Karma Credits would have to be tripled because nearly everything is offensive to me then! Would they be mood-enhanced?

God, I just had a thought. What if I was the cause of someone's Karma-suckage! God, Darin might end up a pauper just like Bush! LOL!

Doug said...

As the inventor of the system, you could program each transaction to deposit 1% into your account. ;)

Freak Magnet said...

OMG, THAT is the best idea EVER!!!

TJ said...

I'm ready to be chipped sir! Oh wait that sounds wrong...HMMM? Hell you know what I mean :)

Mark in DE said...

Silly, this already exists! Its called the US court system. People file suits against each other for every little thing, with the hope that if they win the case will award them a disproportionately large check for their 'pain and mental aguish'. Remember? Or have you been in the Great White North too long?

Mark

Truthspew said...

Interesting concept. Myself, I used to think of new an interesting ways to destroy the idiot in front of me until one day I hit upon vaporization.

That was until a colleague pointed out that a direct result of vaporization of all that metal and plastic would mean a little thing called vacuum electroplating. Oops.

I've now moved on to something a bit more mild and it actually solves a few problems though I need about 500 acres on which to test the concept.

EMP. Electro Magnetic Pulse. Destroys electronics in a certain area of coverage. I want a focusable unit so I can knock out the cars that go boom.

St. Dickeybird said...

I'd sign up for that!
:)

Laverne said...

Torn, great idea! And I love all of Lyvvie's add-ons. And I so second Gayprof's one about crosswalks.

There's one in front of the junior high, and sheesh. It's in front of a JUNIOR HIGH and people just whizz through. And, if I have the audacity to stop, they honk at me.

What's the charge for that?

javajones said...

skankifies?

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

Iraq would be the new wealthiest country in the world, if your system were in effect.

dawn said...

Torn in 2008!

This is the best idea ever.

Wait. Except for when I'm a bitch. Hmmm.

I take it all back, I can't afford to pay out everytime I'm a bitch.