Sunday, March 26, 2006

Never means five and a half years

My second weekend without cigs is better than the first, but still not happy and sane. People seem to think I'm handling it so well, and I suppose it's true, I'm just waiting for the "I hate everything" part to go away. Dickey said he had a reasonably good mood after fourteen days, so maybe I have only 4 days to go.

Of primary distractive power this weekend, our new cellphones arrived with amazing features I wasn't really aware of. I am on record saying that I will never have a cellphone again, and for me, that translates to about 5 years. But wow! What they've done with these gadgets in the last five years! (And by the way, I hate, hate, hate myself for love, love loving this little hunk of metal and electric potential) I've made little movies (you'll see one soon I'm sure) and learned how to get them from my phone to the 'puter. I've taken photos (too bad they're not very high quality, but I have a camera for that) and yesterday, I made my own ringtone that I cut out of one of my favorite renditions of Brazil, the part where the orchestra pinnacles full with horns and human voices "Da, da da da da da da daaaaaaaaaa.". Silly, since no one is ever going to call me.

In other news, I went to see What the Bleep, Down the Rabbit Hole yesterday, and I could hardly sit through it. It was like a rehashing of the first, with many of the same scenes and gurus pontificating. Though there was one line that really hooked into me:

We are all living today as though it were yesterday.

And it's true, we all think we know how the day will be, it's planned, perhaps routinized, and are already planning tomorrow. So the "potential" or the gamut of possibilities in life are reduced, because we have already decided to live outside of "now". Seems lamentable, but how do you not plan your day unless you're wealthy enough not to work? And even then?

The picture above is from a Metro station here, and I really love it. It's a big gnarled tree with faces carved into it. By some well known artist, but I can't remember the name. Everytime I see it, it means something different for me. (Maybe that's how you can tell real art?)

Update: Wikipedia knows all about it here.


Mike said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mike said...

Sorry, made a mistake with the last comment.

Fourteen days sounds about right...I quit cold turkey and that's about how long it took for me to start liking the world again. And from the sounds of things, you are taking it quite well. My brother's rear view mirror still needs to be super glued back to the car.

Found you on The Shay (Part 4) from Perge Modo. You seem like a cool guy, so I thought I'd give you a shout out.

Anonymous said...

Hey Torn,
You are doing so well with the whole quitting thing, it's hard but it's do-able. I found that as time passed and I wasn't having as many cravings, they sometimes would become super strong and very long lasting but not nearly as frequent. I still crave once in a while but I have accepted it as part of my psyche, something to marvel at but never again succumb to. It's been over two years now and I will never let one touch my lips again. Yet I still think of them a fair bit-funny, the power of the human mind. Good on ya, maintain that resolve, it's a whole new world-haha.
Happy Sunday! Devo

Chunks said...

What kind of cellphone did you get? Give me your number, I'll call you! haha!

Do you think you are handling it well? I really think you are. When I quit, I had bouts where I sat in the middle of the floor sobbing that I wanted a smoke. Begging anyone to let me off the hook so I could just fall back into it. Anything better than that is awesome coping compared to how I did! haha!

We ARE all living today as though it were yesterday! Especially those of us who are trapped in the 80s.

(Oh and Fagottini is little noodle parcels filled with mashed vegetables. It's the President's Choice Brand from Superstore. The package said that Fagottini means little parcels in Italian. They look like wontons or something. Not bad.)

Fuckkit said...

Not smoking is great.

Believe me, however you're feeling now will totally pass and you'll be so chuffed that you can taste things properly, walk and talk at the same time, do stairs without collapsing, don't stink like a fucking ashtray 24/7, have all this spare cash...

The list is endless :)

nongirlfriend said...

I love the carving!

GayProf said...

New electronic gadgets always make me feel better. This might explain my crushing debt load.

Congrats on being solidly in your second week!

t said...

The tree looks a little creepy.
A little like the talking trees on
The Wizard of Oz, only this is one with multiple faces.

S. said...

My partner just quit a few months ago and he seems much better now. Lawd he was grouchy in the beginning...and sneaking one now and then

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

Cool tree! Nice pic too!

I've got to get around to learning how to down load images for blogging.

Jason said...

I know most people will hate this quote, and probably aren't fond of the author, but... this quote was like a smack across my face when I read it.

"Life is a competition. They are keeping score, and there is a time clock."
-Dr. Phil McGraw

Patricia said...

yay, i hear ya on the fun gadgetyness of a new cell phone!

Anonymous said...

I quit six years ago. I learned to celebrate hatred for the world. :) Actually, it gets a LOT easier. I promise. I smoked for many years.