Friday, March 17, 2006

Snippets 3

1. I'm very good at remembering my keys, but very bad at remembering to lock.

2. I'm the horniest when I'm sick. I don't know why, maybe a built in instinct - procreate before you die!

3. I talk to trees, plants and animals. Even though they can't talk back, they hear me.

4. If you don't say something immediately when I pick up the phone, I will hang up on you.

5. My toothbrush needs to have "hard" or "firm" bristles. Otherwise, it's like cleaning the lasagna pan with Kleenex. Ineffective.

6. I can say, "I'll get you my pretty, and you're little dog, too" with the exact intonation of Margaret Hamilton. It hurts my throat to do it though.

7. I'm still waiting for the pharmaceutical companies to come up with something I might actually consider taking - like a good mood pill with no come-down.

8. Sometimes lint collects in my bellbutton. (why is that anyway?) When spouse notices it, he will promptly pluck it from my naval and eat it. (I swear.)

19 comments:

Snooze said...

You'll have to audio blog #6 for us, and #8, well, that's love I suppose.

St. Dickeybird said...

I understand 2. Last time I was hospitalized, my bf and ex were both sitting at the end of my bed. I couldn't help thinking of a hospital 3way.

I don't understand 8. I think i'd dump a guy who did that!


ps. #2 didn't actually happen.

Jason said...

I've never heard of #8 before. Keep spouse away from the dryer.

Kevin said...

Yeah, speechless after #8 ...

GayProf said...

I could comment on #8 (?!?!), but I think others have expressed expressed my dumbfoundedness.

Instead, for #5, I'll remind you that Timmy Tooth always says to use "soft" bristles. Your poor gums need a break!

epicurist said...

#8 is simply the most disgusting thing I have heard all day. ewww What happens when you take your socks off?

jjd said...

Hmm.. I was with you except for #6 (I'm sure you can do it better than me) and #8 is just.. well.. free calories and a great way to boost your immune system!

Patricia said...

1. better than the reverse.
2. exact opposite. touch me and die.
3. perhaps we just don't understand the language in which they speak to us.
4. fair enough.
5. ouch! i'm a softie. but i'm thorough.
6. for years i've wanted to use this as a ringtone for certain people.
7. ah, but where's the fun in that?
8. is he a fan of toe jam, too?

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

I feel sick after reading 8 ;-)

I think you're Dr Dolittle really in disguise with a penchant for hard brushes ;-)

have a good weekend, scrubbing!

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

ps: toe jam! Patricia?? ;-)

Em said...

Hey, does spouse get to defend himself to your blogging public? If you are going to disclose something like that it needs to be balanced with some charming normalcy.

Just saying...

love,

The Tampon

Chunks said...

I live with someone who gets a perfect circle of lint in his bellybutton too sometimes, but I would never think of eating it!

Switch to soft bristles before your gums receed!

I've been doing #4 for awhile too, damn telemarketers.

Rye said...

Good luck with the non-smoking. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I'll kick your ass if you start again :)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Dude!

2. I'm the horniest when I'm sick. I don't know why, maybe a built in instinct - procreate before you die!

So am I. And I've tHought the EXACT SAME THING! I've even shared this idea with my wife.

Interesting.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Alright, #8 is just gross. I don't care how sick I am. I'm not doing that!

HAIRYBEARS said...

HELLO

GREAT BLOG

CONGRATULATION

Steven said...

8. TMI, dude. TM-freakin'-I.

nongirlfriend said...

Yuck. He eats it? I can't stop laughing.

t said...

I know a family from South Africa who will get very angry if the first words from the phone caller calling them doesn't introduce his/herself.
Seems it's customary there and not to do so is extremely rude.
I guess they have a point but it's hard to get into that habit.

Did you know Margaret Hamilton used to be a schoolteacher?

Number 8 has to be one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard of! Yuck!