1. Man dies stuck in mud after running from deputies
I am inclined to read this one just to find out the mud/death connection. What, did he slip and fall head-first into a deeeeep puddle of mud? Did he escape the deputies by hiding in the mud and then realize he couldn't get out and died of starvation? Wow, I can really see why this is number one. I'll be thinking it over all day.
2. Ex-teacher sues over noisy chair
When I first read the headline, I thought it said noisy hair which immediately brought up a vision of Kramer. A noisy chair? Suing? This must be number two because of the "You've gotta be kidding" reaction to the title. What do you think, was it his chair or the student's chair, and is he suing for pain and suffering? Ok, I'm going to peek now...... Oh this is just too good, er bad, er appealing to the lowest common denominator:
Storer said the school failed to replace her chair, which made a "farting" noise whenever anyone sat on it, although other staff received new chairs. She said the chair was a source of embarrassment, especially at parent-teacher evenings."I had a nervous breakdown because of the ordeal I went through. It's just not fair that people can treat you like that," said Storer, who resigned in
September. She said she would never teach again.
3. Milwaukee boys vanish while playing
I hope they checked the trunk of the car!!!! (Remember that story? Big search for missing kids, but dead and rotting in the trunk of a car in the driveway - nobody looked there.)
4. Crocodile kills humanitarian professor
Are they trying to show irony? Humanitarian? Why add that part? Somebody thinks it's ironic that a humanitarian professor would be killed by a crocodile. I think the writer should check again the meaning of humanitarian and ironic. Somehow it has caught our attention anyway and is at number 4.
5. Prosecutors drop sex case against teacher
Well, that's no fun. We want to see the sex case proceed and we want to vilify the teacher and generate suspicion against all teachers. Dropped? Why? not enough evidence or something, sheesh.
(Ok, I just checked, I know why now, because she looks like a model and she said sorry and is being treated for bipolar disorder. Imagine if it had been a male teacher screwing a 14 year old student. I don't think the excuse would fly quite as well as it did for her.)