Friday, May 23, 2008

Snippets

* I knew that headphones were a no-no while driving a car, but I had no idea I could get a ticket for wearing them while I ride a bike. I didn't get a ticket, I just read about this in the paper. Is this true in your city as well?

* You've probably all seen the spinning girl. I hadn't. I can see her turn counter-clockwise if I blink or look at her peripherally, but at first straight-on glance, she's always going clockwise for me.

* It's the start of hairy albino toe season. You all know how I loathe the flip-flops.

* The view from the classroom where I taught yesterday.

* Underwear is such a rip-off. I can get three t-shirts for ten bucks all over town, but the tighty boxers are always seven bucks and up a pair. I'm fairly certain a t-shirt requires more material than a pair of underwear. Serge bought a pair for seven bucks the other day and I scolded him. "What? That's the price, " he answered in the everybody-knows-that way. He doesn't know it, but he's still wearing the Dollarama underwear I bought him last summer. (I removed the dollarama label or he'd have never put them on.)

* Up here black market cigarettes account for 25% of all tobacco sales. It's easy to understand why. You can pick up a CARTON for SIX dollars at the local (Indian but you're not supposed to say that) reservation. At the local shops, it's $65 a carton. There must be a thousand percent tax on those things.

* In related news, I've chosen Canada Day as my quit date. I will like lick tobacco this time. (Is there such a thing as a Freudian typo?)

* My friend Em is exceptionally good at reading people and accurately interpreting what it is they are NOT saying. I'm totally the opposite. I take what you say at face value and then am shocked if ulterior motives are later revealed. Em usually has the person pegged in under a minute. I miss having her around to filter for me.

* The last thing I thought before I fell asleep last night was, "did I poop today?"

* I've mentioned this before, but I like to gross y'all out. Spouse, upon seeing lint in my bellybutton, will immediately eat it.

31 comments:

Snooze said...

'Hairy albino toe season' is the best description of summer I've ever read.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful snippets. No mention of the upcoming trip. Poop listed as an adjective. Cheap smokes from the Indian concentration camp. Spouse wearing cheap undies. Torn's delicious belly button lint. Marvelous. Ed

Lemuel said...

To Spouse: Ewwwww.....

Marc said...

Underwear - I pick some of mine up from the local resale shop, grosses the b/f out to think of wearing a pair that someone else has already worn, but it doesn't bother me at all. There are days when its kind of a thrill, actually. :) The weird thing is the b/f has no problem giving me a pile of underwear that doesn't fit him anymore .. . hmmm.

Bellybutton lint - this is me, officially grossed out.

lattégirl said...

Flip-flops are only acceptable on a beach. You can get tighty boxers at the dollar store?! I once bought a pair for an ex-b/f for over $30 (a desperate bid to change his mind about our break-up... didn't work). Some cartons of smokes are closer to $80 retail; 25% seems low to me. You know what they say: "Quebecers smoke like it's a cure for cancer."
I wish I had an Em. (Empath?)

CoffeeDog said...

I too am a bad people reader. And I never have sneaky ulterior motives, I just don't know how to play those games.

The underwear thing - they are probably more $ because they require more sewing and an elastic waistband

Polt said...

I have never in my life heard of a belly button lint eater. You guys truly are a unique couple. :)

HUGS...

RJ March said...

EVERYONE wears flip-flops here, and most do it year-round. I love it, personally.

I can peg a person fairly quickly-- it's just my gaydar that's compromised.

Underwear, poop, then lint-eating. You need that vacation.

Anonymous said...

Objective: Gross out readers

Objective met.


That is not the image I want first thing in the morning.

Patricia said...

Spinning girl is down. I never heard of her. I'm lame like that.

The biking headphone ban makes sense. Bikes are supposed to observe the same laws of traffic which includes being able to hear emergency vehicles. That's all I can come up with.

I can't believe that more people don't do the underground thing when it comes to buying cigs. With gas and food prices up so high, how to people still afford to smoke???

Anonymous said...

I love the flip flops and have been wearing them for a couple of weeks! Now, when you talk of flip flops, does that include all open-toed sandals? Incidentally, I take good care of my tootsies.

Good for you for choosing a quit date! My SIL the Tanorexic used that new pill that helps you quit and it's worked wonders for her! She was a hardcore smoker too.
-Rox

don said...

I never wear headphones while cycling as it is far too dangerous. You should be listening for cars approaching you from behind (and other cyclists). Same goes for cycling while talking on your mobile.

The Joe Boxer underwear at Chez Cosco is usually a good buy.

dpaste said...

I've bought super-cheapo underwear at the CVS but you get what you pay for.

Greg said...

Ooh, Freudian typo, indeed! It's just criminal just how much cigs cost...really the driving force behind my quitting this time around. Things are going much better there, BTW...no cheats in days! Smoke 'em while you got 'em...

I don't even know what to say about the bellybutton lint thing. You guys are truly unique.

Cooper said...

Does Serge know you've informed the entire universe about his little quirk? lol I have never heard of anyone doing that before, but I did know a guy in school who claimed his brother regularly ate his own toe nail clippings.

We're sunshining today! I plan to tan my albino toes all weekend.

Scooter said...

I wish I had an Em...life would be a lot less complicated.

As for eating the lint in your bellybutton...Ew, simply ew. I hope it doesn't get stuck in his teeth. :)

Birdie said...

I'm with you, Coffeedog: I have no guile, and it worries hubby no end. (He has excellent radar, and I trust him to get a read on someone in less than a minute.) I have found, though, that people tend to be more honest with me when they realize I am honest with them. It certainly makes life easier in the long run.

GayProf said...

I remembered that revelation about Spouse. Actually, it's hard to not think about it anytime that you mention him.

Butch said...

Underwear? Do people actually still wear them? ;-)

The hairy albino toes is quite descriptive and defines the Spring-Summer ritual of sacrificing the albino toes to the Sun God who robs to toes of white and replaces them with red!

Belly-button lint ... won't go there. Who knows, perhaps, he is only pretending to eat it and is just preparing it for that surprise sweater he's going to make you for your Christmas present.:-) Act surprised when you receive it.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Butch on the underwear. The thing with the lint makes me laugh so hard because of all S's struggles to do the proper thing. And then he is eating your BB lint like it's a truffle or something. It's beautiful really.

I don't see where you picked a date to stop smoking. Did I miss something?

Oh I know, I miss *you*.

Anonymous said...

Shit. I just saw the quit date. I must have been dazzled by my own linked name. Swoon.

Yay! A quit date!

I still miss you though.

PS I try to use my superhero reading skillz for good and not evil.

Anonymous said...

hmmmm, I'm not sure if there's a law agains wearing headphones on a bike; around these parts. But, I'd sure love to live in a city where cops have nothing better to do than enforce such a law :P

jali said...

From now on if a guy tells me he loves me, I KNOW what I'll ask.

"...would you eat the lint...?"

I buy my pretty panties on sale only. Big rip off for chicks as well!

Anonymous said...

I hate feet.
The last retardulation made me throw up in my mouth a little but I ate that.

Awww...I must confess to some sadness and disappointment over not changing the name. Maybe I'll steal it from ya.

Happy Turds to you!

Summer said...

I am sufficiently grossed out. Thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

Regarding the Indian reservations selling tobacco products for a tenth the price, the Narragansett tribe here tried that. It lasted about a week and then the Rhode Island State Police (RISP) raided it.

Several tribe members were charged.

As to reading people, I've found over a long time that I'm an exceptionally good judge of people.

Eating belly button lint, hmm. I'd rather save it then spin it into a new thread.

This may be my last comment for awhile. Things are very bad at Casa Truthspew finance wise.

Phronk said...

I've gotten pretty good at making the spinning girl switch directions whenever I want her to (after spending way too much time staring at her).

The above sentence would be really creepy if she were a real person.

S said...

Dollarama sells underwear?

Note to self: go to Dollarama.

Anonymous said...

love the pic

Mark in DE said...

Good luck kicking the cigarette habit! It probably won't be easy, but you're definitely doing the right thing.

Mark :-)

A Bear in the Woods said...

Ummm, that eating your bellybutton lint thing....That is SO FREAKING HOT!
I'm completely turned on.