Thursday, June 15, 2006

Flossing up for the chair

I made my annual dental appointment yesterday. The race is on! I flossed the moment I got off the phone. Well, actually it took me a few minutes to FIND the floss, but then I really did floss. Last year I got lazy and regretted it, so this year I'm going to be ready. Ugh, last year:

All chirps and smiles as I am led to the torture hydraulic chair.

All affable-like the dentist beams, "How are you Torn, any troubles? No? That's good, we're just going to take a couple pictures and then my assistant Ms. Ratchet will have a go at that tartar."

Then he leaves the room.

"Oh my but you are a bleeder", nurse Ratchet tells me as she is sawing away bits of my gums. "You need to keep up on your flossing. Here, pay attention now," and she holds up a mirror to my bloody toothed visage and demonstrates. Harshly. I'm doing my best not to wince, but little tears spring from my eyes nonetheless. Fucker!

I tell you what, my gums are going to be so fucking firm this time, you could cut them out and use them for sneaker soles.

30 comments:

The Lone Rangers said...

God I hate it when they go at the tartar! AT 38 I have no cavities BUT they have a hell of the time with me in the chair going after tartar....

Now that you reminded me it's that time of year....damn

Timmy said...

I just got all that taken care of last month. I detest a good flossing. YUCK!

Snooze said...

Good luck with it. I should make an appointment myself. Damn.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like me. Having not grown up with flossing, it's tough to establish that habit as an adult.

Jane

toobusyliving said...

I've actually "kinda" started flossing for the first time really ever...it's not a 100% daily commitment yet, but it's progress!

nongirlfriend said...

I hate going to the dentist. I had to have a molar pulled last year and they couldn't deaden it all the way. I made it through, but I can't tolerate a bikini wax yesterday. Weird.

Floss, baby. You need those chompers!

Polt said...

I could make a comment about the Canadian health care system, but, frankly, my dentist isn't much better..... :P

Chunks said...

I have to have IV sedation when I go to the dentist, thanks to a panic attack I had in a chair once. My dentist is a really nice guy, but I hate the fucker.

I floss as much as I can.

I feel pukey now. Blah.

St. Dickeybird said...

Ugh. I've been putting off my annual dentist appointment for almost 2 years now. I'm scared!
lol

Jason said...

Annual? I am getting ripped off. They schedule me every 4 months for a cleaning and I floss! Rip off artists.

Steven said...

Last time I went to the dentist for a cleaning, she flossed so hard she told me, "You're bleeding like a slaughtered pig."

Did I mention my dentist is also my sister?

Grapevine said...

No HNT butt pics today? :(

dirk.mancuso said...

I know this will further brand me a nutjob, but I actually enjoy going to the dentist. And I sometimes fall asleep while they are cleaning my teeth.

David said...

Many years ago I embraced a saying I saw at my dentist's office:

Floss only the teeth you want to keep.

Every day for the last ten years.

Rebekah said...

I love the clean teeth, hate the flossing and that mean little pick they use to get the tartar off.

I bought one of those vibrating flosser thingies... totally unnecessary, but it gets me to floss.

Hey, that could be a birthday present!

madamerouge said...

My old dentist gave me this advice: after you floss, rinse with a mixture of water and 3% hydrogen peroxide (about 50/50 each).

GayProf said...

I am shocked – SHOCKED! – by all the non-flossers around. Did we learn nothing from Timmy Tooth? Flossing is the key to maintaining your teeth. Remember, brushing only removes crap from 1/2 of your tooth surface. Plus, flossing makes your mouth feel better.

Kalvin said...

That just sounds brutal. Somehow it makes me think of the movie Brazil with all the torturers having happy faces.

jjd said...

they have a pick like thing that works almost as well as flossing for those lazy people (like me) who find it difficult to floss daily.

CoffeeDog said...

I floss every day :-) A hint, take ibuprofen before you go to the dentist, it'll lessen the pain somewhat.

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

I can't resist this. I know I'm a comment whore, but I just love a guy with good firm gums.

Normlr said...

I go to the dentist every 4 months, since my benefits cover it. They can always tell if I've been a good flosser or not. Sometimes I am, sometimes not so much.

They are also kind enough to provide a CD player and headphones, along with a list of albums to choose from. The last time I had a cavity filled, I chose to listen to Bjork's Homogenic album. The sounds of the drills, power saws, sanders and other powertools they had in my mouth disappeared and became part of whatever song I was listening to. It was all strangely fitting.

your judgemental aunt said...

Pick up some Eez-Thru by G.U.M.
It makes flossing so easy. And check ups at the dentist so much easier!

Em said...

That last bit made me laugh.

Freak Magnet said...

My dentist gave me one of those flossers with a handle like a toothbrush. I've used it every day since I got it. It's quick, it's painless, and kinda fun. I also use Colgate Total. I credit that for my last visit going so smoothly.

D e s i g n Girl said...

Unlike most people, I'm a floss addict. In fact, my last dentist said I was brushing "too much" as my teeth were wearing down. I have not seen the dentist in 2 years due to a job change. I need to make an appt. with a new one. I wonder what they will say....it's been awhile. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Who knew that a post about flossing could generate so many comments? And here I am, joining in, like the lemming that I am....Happy bleeding gums!! I am a pre-dentist flosser just like you! And I often regret it, just like you!
Devo

Jon Cox said...

BLAH! Good Luck!!!! :o)
I'm really enjoying your blog! It's very interesting & entertaining, it makes me smile! :oD

Anonymous said...

the common pain for us all: dentists!! Hate them too, but I have to go... at least once in 8 years!! LOL

Patricia said...

i don't know why i hate flossing as much as i do. but i do. hate it. with a passion.