Friday, June 23, 2006


* I had oxymoronic luck this week. While riding my bike, the seat fell off. I was very, very far from home, but it happened in front of a bike repair shop. They fixed it for free.

* While on Tuesday's bikeride this week, I got a chance to do my Yul Gibbons impression on video.

* Do you think you could sell your forehead as advertising space? As in a tatoo?

* For me, weather is the constant amazing movie in the sky.

* Proof of air conditioning. The best purchase of the decade.

* Spouse squished a big ant yesterday. With his bare foot. Gross.

* You'd think after three months, I'd stop desiring a ciggie. Of course you'd be wrong.

* The only thing "wrong" with fat is visual. Feels great in bed.

* In high school, I was beaten up by a couple of guys who were essentially gay bashing. I remember several kicks to the face while I was curled up on the ground all the while hearing "fucking faggot" hurled at me. Now I see these guys on Classmates and they are all smiley and have families, and all I can think is that I want them to die, to lose a child or to suffer some terrible thing. Jesus Christ I ain't.


Kevin said...

Yikes! Kicks to the face? Hunt them down and kill them.

Jason said...

And guess how their kids will grow up? Sad.

St. Dickeybird said...

I feel bad for their kids.

As for the advertising tattoo, I once offered to get my bands logo tattooed, for a fee. $20,000.
They didn't go for it.
Keep in mind that you can have the tattoo removed (painful and expensive) or covered, so for a higher cost it's not as dumb as at first thought.

Snooze said...

Living well is the best revenge. And you are.

Chunks said...

I hope you weren't injured in the horrible bike seat incident! OUCH!

Your hair looks like it has lots of silvery strands, is that just the video or are you getting "wise" on us? It looks great! That teeny strawberry made my mouth water.

You may crave cigs for the rest of your life, the key is to remind yourself how disgusting they are and how brave you are.

The fat fact is totally true! At least for me!

The gay bashers will be dealt with, just give me their names...I have connections. Bastards. I ain't Jesus either.

Steven said...

Re: your last point...

Can you post a comment on Classmates saying something about that event?

Like, I dunno, "This man beats up people and degrates them for his own sick and twisted pleasure"?


Oh, what a happy way to start off the weekend!!

Scott said...

I feel the same way about weather. I remember watching the thunder storms race in over the fields when I was young.

Just last night, Jim & I were staring up at some wispy cirrus clouds evaporating into the evening's calm.

have a good week!

Timmy said...

Hey, at least you have quit smoking. I have cut back to lights. I have a date 60 days from now to quit completely. I am going to need the patch, or 4.

Craig said...

I quit smoking 10 years now & although I no longer desire a ciggie, I dream that I am smoking all the time. Do you?

Anonymous said...

It may comfort you to know that the cravings go in fits and starts, and the longer you go without, the more infrequent they become. Every now and then, I still have a doozy, lasting for a longer period but not so strong, and it's been two and a half years.
I love to watch the sky, and there is no better sky to watch than the one here in Alberta, so big and ever-changing.
That is freaky stuff about the gaybashers, I feel sorry for anyone who grows up under the influence of ignorant, mean people. Yuk!
And, hello??? 35+ degrees outside, I would want to slit my wrists! Thank God for A/C. Have a great Friday!!

GayProf said...

Regarding fat: having lost a fairly significant amount of weight this past year, I can say that I am happy it is gone. Still, my old ass, with the added fat padding, was just more comfortable to sit on.

High school gay bashing: This is why I will never, ever attend school reunions (though most of my physical torment came at the hands of junior-high classmates). I am just guessing, but I imagine you ended up better looking and with a much more enjoyable life than any of them.

dirk.mancuso said...

Congrats on 3 months cig-free.

Having lost some weight, I have no desire to put it back on, but I don't mind if my b/f has some extra. Go figure.

Regarding the gay bashing incident: Reading things like that just makes me sick. I have no clue how anyone takes any pleasure in inflicting pain or suffering on another. And that kicking you in the face shit...cowardly. I wonder how they would feel if their children were gay and suffered the same acts of violence?

Take care and have a great weekend.

dennis said...

torn - ad tattoos on foreheads are so 2005.

David said...

I am assuming Classmates is some kind of internet service? I would send them each a message along the lines of "My face has healed since the time you kicked it. Hope your soul has as well."

I actually don't like A/C. I can't sleep with it on. I know, not in the mainstream. So be it.

Em said...

Oh, those poor guys are probably closet cases, either they are or their fathers were, othewise it wouldn't matter to them so much that they could throw over their own connection to humanity. Plus, as others have said, those poor children. Having said all that though, I would take a small and wrong pleasure in humiliating them in revenge.

Three months smoke free. You so totally rock!

Vila H. said...

Okay, so here's what you do:

Look up the fuckers' home addresses. Then, write each of their darling wives a letter describing in detail the three-year affair you've been having with their husbands. Explain that you just can't live with the guilt anymore, and that you feel they simply must know about your transcendent love. Sign the letter "Gilda" or something similarly fabulous and send it priority post. Then crack open a beer and enjoy the sweet taste of revenge.

Well, that's what I'd do, anyway...

Ed said...

Do you wonder how many bugs crawled on those strawberries before you ate them without washing them first? I am such a spoil sport. Maybe that is why I too was picked on as a child. In this small town the ones who took my lunch money and shoved my down and threw my homework in the mud puddles are now the city council members and business owners here in town. I was a 90 pound weakling and they certainly made me pay for it. I am not Jesus Christ either but I know he will make them answer for what they did someday. Still I would like to see them all humiliatied. Where is Carrie when we need her? Also, the bicycle with no seat could be a lot of fun;-)

Normlr said...

OMG is that one of those thermometers that not only tells you the temperature inside but outside too? Q's parents have been buying them for the whole family this year. They absolutely love theirs and made sure that we all revelled in it's amazingness. I got one for my birthday.

I totally agree about the fat thing. Big in bed is better. But on someone else, not me. Strange huh?

I still love cigarettes too.

dawn said...

Do not eat things in nature. It is not safe. Eat at McDonalds instead. They fry all the scary stuff (like nutrients) out of the food.

Sunshine said...

I can't stand having a tattoo anywhere on my body, let alone my forehead. :P

As for those gay bashers, I tend to think the Universe is ultimately fair so they'd get what they deserve maybe not in ways you can see but they will. :)

Pete said...

I hope you had your spouse with you at the reunion. Walk up to the bastards and deep tongue your spouse in front of them :)

Now that you're 6'3" giant with a spouse, you can fight them off if they want :)

Donna said...

you should OUT them, I would, just to have a little fun.

nongirlfriend said...

I like your fat snippet.

RE: the gay bashing thing...I'm not a saint, either. I don't think anyone is. Nor should we be.

There are only a couple of people I hate. Those are the ones who purposely set out to hurt me or someone I love. Sometimes, I wonder how wrong it can be to hate evil people. I don't think it is.

t said...

I believe I remember seeing forehead advertising on an eBay auction once. It was on the news. I can't remember how it turned out, it was a while ago.

It's sad that some of you won't go to class reunions, here's my reason why:
Several years ago, two men came to my school one day to reminisce (one of them went to school there) and the one doing the reminiscing was a high school buddy! He had no idea I worked there. It was such a surprise and good to see him. He was there to visit family in the area as he lives out of state.
What I didn't know in high school but now know is that he's gay.
It would've been great to see him at the class reunions. It's possible he just never went because he'd have to travel some distance.
But I can certainly understand why some of you said you'd never go.

The beating sounds horrible.
I can't imagine what that must've been like.

Freak Magnet said...

I can't believe anyone would want to do something that bad to someone as cheerful and upbeat as you.

Then again, maybe they were jealous of that fact. I bet the girls in high school loved you, even though they knew they had no shot.