Monday, June 05, 2006

The skirt crapper

I haven't laughed like I did this weekend in a very long time. Not only that, but I was all alone when the laughing occurred. And the source of my amusement is something that will be available for months to come, all I need to do is think about the line.

What line? I'm glad you asked. The line is, "I had crapped on my skirt!" which can be read over on Jane's blog.

Poor Jane! And while on a date too! Oh how I was doubled over with such guffawing, my body quaking but no noise coming out. Drop after drop streamed down my face and dripped onto my robe (first) and shirt (later when I went back and read it again.)

I really don't have a scat fetish, I just never lost my adolescent humorous fascination with it.

After reading Jane's poop stories, I tried to remember some of my own. Doesn't everyone have an embarassing poop story? ( They must, if they say no, they're lying.)

I can certainly remember a couple "crap in my pants" stories, mostly from early childhood of course. As an adult, crapping my pants was more the result of fart mistakes (you know, the one you thought was air.) Once, while standing in the kitchen in my robe, spouse came up beside me and I "farted", and a smart stream of liquipoo jettison straight at the floor creating quite a splat. Spouse, without skipping a beat said, "You're cleaning that up. And you're disgusting."

I have more, but one poo story at a time (I'm sure you'll agree) is sufficient.

28 comments:

The Lone Rangers said...

Gee umm, myself only one instance but have a GREAT story about someone I was dating a little while back while I was helping her work...too bad she reads my blog still or I'd post it...

Snooze said...

I have to go read the link to Jane's blog. I think it's a sign of true love when incidents like your kichen poo story can happen and it's all just taken in stride.

Kevin said...

Wow! I don't even know where to begin ...

CoffeeDog said...

I love poo stories and poo humor too. Are we immature?

Dantallion said...

"liguipoo"? *shudder* I think spouse handled that exceptionally well...

Steven said...

Even though everyone says they think poo stories are gross, they secretly love hearing them because they're so funny (and gross).

You get points in my book for (honestly) admitting that you have a poo story.

dirk.mancuso said...

I agree that sharing your "liquipoo" story is a brave one, and in a disturbing admission of my own, I look forward to hearing your other poo tales.

Chunks said...

"Sharted" is the proper term for a fart that ends up being a solid instead of a gas.

Oh, how I loved Jane's story as well! Especially because Jane is so "efficient" (wink wink Jane!) the fact that she crapped on her skirt also made me howl with laughter (and shudder in disbelief!)

St. Dickeybird said...

Dear God!!!!

I have never crapped in my pants. Not since I was toilet trained, anyway.

But I'm going right over to Jane's blog.
:)

Adam said...

hahahaha! I haven't sharted since I was a child but I have not lost my appreciation for the stories though. Hilarious.

GayProf said...

I really don't have a scat fetish, I just never lost my adolescent humorous fascination with it.

I don’t know – Maybe it’s not a fetish, but you are really interested in scat-oriented issues. Weren’t you the one who also had an obsession with where/how/what Santa’s Reindeer relieved themselves as a child?

I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying it’s good. I am just pointing out an observable trend based on what you share with us.

Jason said...

Ew... liquipoo.

Em said...

Gosh I hope multiple copies of this don't show up later...

I can't think of a good poo story, but what about when I peed on myself in front of the Trader Joes?
http://tinyurl.com/g5ls8

Anonymous said...

OH.MY.GAWD!!

I'm both horrified and tickled pick that you wrote about my little incident today.

LMAO at Serge's comeback to your little mishap.

Glad to know I'm not alone when it comes to controlling my ass.

Jane

t said...

I remember poop accidents as a kid and a wet fart or two as an adult, but no specifics.
And my memory's pretty good.
So I guess I wasn't traumatized or anything since I don't remember anything about them. I just cleaned myself up, went on my way and forgot about it.
But gee...after reading this posting and realizing I don't remember these things, I feel now like I've missed out on something important in life...

Normlr said...

Uh, um, eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww.

Of course we all have a story or two like that. You're just braver than most to admit it.

dawn said...

Thank you so much for only one at a time.

Patricia said...

i'm with spouse on this one. disgusting. :|

Anonymous said...

LOL! I almost "Sharted" myself!!!

Colleen, in the "silent-stall"...

madamerouge said...

mine are all from after I started triple combination antiretroviral therapy

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

I think yours wins, but I liked Jane's too.

Timmy said...

omg! you would SO fit in with me and my best friend. At 30 years old, we laugh and talk about our poop all the time. Everyone thinks we are disgusting. But, its a fact of life. I think its hilarious and proof that our creator had a wonderful sense of humor.

Sunshine said...

I've got to stop reading blogs when I'm eating.

David said...

I do have one and it will never see the light of day.

Rebekah said...

I laughed so hard at this (and it's silent reading break for fifth period right now!). I've even heard this before, but I couldn't stop snickering.

God.

I have to go teach now.

Spider said...

Spouse is one funny man... and you are such a good sport for posting this - I now have a new word also - "liquipoo" - TOO FUNNY!

Freak Magnet said...

That just made my day.

Freakazojd said...

LMAO! Jesus Christ, are you always this funny?! I'm almost scared to keep reading...