Friday, June 01, 2007


* "Bottomless pubes", "My brain is dissolving", and "Apron with penis" were among this week's google searches leading to this blog. Do you think the first guy really meant "pubeless bottoms"?

* I forgot to play my lottery numbers. I only play when the jackpots are big, but I just plain forgot this time. I would have won $68. Dangit. This is why I advise against picking a set of lottery numbers that you always play. I chose this set at least 15 years ago (each number had some significance, but I can't recall that significance now) and I guess I'm saddled with them forever.

* Craigslist is amazing. I sold our air conditioner in one day (our new place came with). Then, within two hours of posting a for-rent ad, I made three appointments to show it. So how does Craigslist make money since everything is free?

* Today is the "extended" deadline for nude dancer to pick up his shit. If he calls to postpone again, we're just going to keep repeating the line, "that doesn't work for us."

* I just retrieved messages from my cellphone voicemail. There were messages from over a month ago. It's probably not a good idea to leave me a message there. lol

* The anonymous commenter who, while scanning the archives, noted an alarming number of scat related posts gave me pause. But then I thought, "Shit! We all do it every day, it's a wonder we don't talk about it more." lol

* We do have a fair number of shit related idioms in English, however. He can't tell shit from shinola. Does a bear shit in the woods? Then the shit really hit the fan. Shit or get off the pot! (I'm sure there's more, have a field day in the comments.)

* I recently learned that shinola was shoe polish.

* I've been lax with the photo taking. I'll try to do better this weekend.


Lemuel said...

When I was a kid, we used to us Shinola for our shoes. They were polished EVERY Saturday night. I cannot remember the last time I polished my shoes. I know I found a jar of polish while packing for the recent move.

As for the "he can't tell shit from Shinola" expression, there is a terrible ethnic joke there, but I will refrain.

Ed said...

I don't have a pot to shit in or a window two throw it out of. He wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful. Eeww! Well shit fire I bet that would hurt. I am so old I knew Shinola was shoe polish but I can't see anyone getting the two confused. I don't know Jack shit do you? lol.

St. Dickeybird said...

What are you, some sort of machine?

Polt said...

Shit on a shingle! What a shithead! Like shit through a goose! Shit in one hand, wishes in the other, see which one fills up first! He's full of shit! What a load of bull-(or horse, or cow, etc, etc) shit! Shoot the shit!

And that's without really even thinking about it. :)


bardelf said...

I'd say you're 'in deep shit' for not using your lottery numbers. (of course, not really, but I was trying to use a different shit cliche.)

Being the great psychic that I am (ahem), I predict that nude dancer will not pick up his shit today.

Rebekah said...

I always say "pot to piss in" rather than "pot to shit in." It's more alliterative that way.

Poop is funny.

I love craigslist too. Remember that couch that Goodwill turned down because of a couple of dots on the front of it? Gone within 24 hours to a college apartment after listing it.

Don't they have ads on craigslist?

Cooper said...

I play the Super Seven lotto every Friday ... random numbers, and only ever one ticket. Last week I had 5 of 7 numbers and won $106. ... yay, but at first I thought it would be more, and got quite excited. That was the most I've ever won, though. I also got a free ticket for today's draw on the same ticket.

Happy weekend, Torn!

Lacey said...

Not playing your numbers...a classic case of "shit fer brains"

Chunks said...

You are THE SHIT!!

I never would have pegged you for a lottery guy!

Nude dancer is STILL giving you grief? Dealing with him must be like having someone shit in your cornflakes!

GayProf said...

Up shit creek without a paddle? Has anyone said that yet?

Annnyway, I am amazed (as a potential renter) how quickly apartments are snapped up on Craigslist.

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

shit happens! There's an ace advert on telly here at the moment for Zurich and something always happens!:>)

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

AV IT nothing to do with shit but a phrase a woman on Big brother sys ....ALOT

David said...

I will refrain from participating in the idiom contest.

I too have had message from the long ago past suddenly materialize on my phone's voicemail. Just one of those things.

I love Craigslist. It's how I found a good home for the cat I had to give away. I got a great bookshelf for free as well.

about a boy said...

at least you can take pictures. boo hoo.

Jeff said...

the craigslist people make money off the job listings- cause employers have to pay money for posting jobs

Patricia said...

i've played the same numbers for years, too. and if they ever come in and i don't have a ticket (which i'm very inconsistent about) i'll have to kill myself.

Scottsdale Girl said...

Shit storm

Shit on a shingle

Geez, I am all out already. Strange.

Enemy of the Republic said...

What kind of shit are we talking about here? If it is any good, I will send you my address, and you guys can mail Nude Dancer's belongings to me--of course I will pay you. Then if he wants his stuff, he'll have to drive to Philly. The perfect revenge!

With the title of my blog, can you imagine some of the search titles I have gotten? There are scary folk out there.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I hadn't read the anonymous comments so I didn't get the joke. Anonymous: Reveal thyself!

Lewis said...

1. Not everything on Craigsist is free.
2. Let's blog more about shit!!
3. What in the hell are bottomless pubes? I mean, my mind is pretty crazy...but even I can't figure that out!

Anonymous said...

One of my favourites, although it can't be used every day is:

If wit were shit, he'd be permanently constipated.

dawn said...




That is all.

dirk.mancuso said...

I am always amazed by the searches that lead to my blog. Numbers one and two this week are "Labia Majora" and "belt loop prison bitch."

It's good to know I have such a discerning demographic.