Sunday, August 26, 2007

Anal update

Man, that Preparation H is a miracle. I feel like writing a letter to the company. Even though spouse brought home the ointment last year, I had avoided using it. The whole applicator business just really turned me off. Plus I'm of the tribe "that if you leave it alone, it'll go away on its own". Well, it (they?) didn't go away on its own, and the whole thing came to a climax when an irritated spouse in the middle of doing laundry came out to the living room to show me what I had done to a pair of underwear. I guess I'd been scratching that itch a bit much (and shut up, I wipe fine). So I told him I would use the ointment. I didn't use the applicator, I just washed my hands real well after. It was interesting to note that I got a new perception of the lay of the land there, seeing with my finger. Is this TMI? Probably. Anyway, I've used it only twice and, well, to quote someone I'm sure, "it shrunk that shit right up!" I can't believe I could have avoided a year of discomfort so easily. Doh!

Squeamish? Oh come off it, we're all turddroppers.

29 comments:

Chunks said...

You JUST used the Prep H?!?!?! OMG are you trying to become The Patron Saint of Sore Assholes? Did you take a photo of the gonch you destroyed? Do you get the feeling that for some, there is no such thing as TMI?

:)

Anonymous said...

i had hemmies a few years ago and i tried prep H.. for me it worked a little but i was not happy with it...a older italian lady told me to put ice on them .. just take an ice cube and shove it up your ass keep it there till it melts...(lol)..
so i did ..and i guess mine were small enough for it to shrink them..i only did it once or twice..and now only occassionaly am i bothered with them.....
Now i am sure mine was a minor case and i am not sure if it would help on larger ones....but i am sure glad i tired it.
donintoronto.

Maurice said...

This post is definitely TMI ...and yet ...and yet ...I chuckled through it all. Congrats of your discovery, I guess. :) And yeah, I can't believe you waited a year to try.

Bob said...

Not knowing the meaning of TMI, I googled it and came up with: 1) Three Mile Island; 2) Trans Mars Injection; and 3) Trainable Mentally Impaired. Is #3 correct? :) (WHAT THE HELL DOES IT STAND FOR?)

bardelf said...

The best hemorrhoidal medicine I've ever used is a prescription cortisone cream called 'Proctofoam HC'. It's expensive, but is a miracle drug.

bardelf said...

Did you get the hemorrhoids after eating that pile of poutine?
;)

Rebekah said...

Yeah, if you think Prep H is good stuff, you should try the prescription level ointment.

What a difference.

And going along with the theme of TMI? Put a little ointment on the toilet paper, then wipe it on that way. No muss, no fuss.

Jess said...

There's almost never TMI for me.

BTW, my other half just added, "tell him about Konsyl." Konsyl is a high quality fiber supplement. It really helps keep things in nice order if you use it once a day and, for both of us, having had issues like yours, it is a Godsend.

Each night, I take my little Konsyl cup (when you buy the Konsyl, you can call them and they send a little plastic shaker cup that is the perfect size for mixing up the stuff), put in my Orange Sunrise Crystal Light drink (that's just what I like for it--you can use anything) and a teaspoon of Konsyl and shake it up. I drink it, and everything stays happy down thattaway. :) It's also supposed to be healthy for your intestines in general.

Ed said...

Nobody drops a turd like Torn. Too Much Information? Never! I hear Preparation H shrinks the bags under a persons eyes, that's why I buy it, yeah, that's it!

Petie said...

This post of yours goes along nicely with the visual you provided in the previous post :p

em said...

You are killing me. I suspect it is a mark of your suffering that you feel so grateful to the Prep H company. What is it with us that we will quietly suffer instead of just taking care of the %*@$% problem?

Here's something weird. When using symbols in place of the word fucking, it seems like my brain thinks there is a specific combo of the symbols that would look the best. Do all cartoonists use the same string of symbols?

GayProf said...

I thought the same as Bardelf: Maybe this is related to the previous post's poutine.

If I had to use the ointment (which I never have (Thank God and knock wood), I wouldn't bother with the applicator either. It seems like your finger would both be softer and provide more even control of the application.

Ed said...

Besides the damn applicator gets all clogged up and shit I mean oops! So I've heard!

Polt said...

I dont believe I've ever had such an intimate conversation in such an unintimate setting.

nonetheless it's good infomation to have...i guess.

Sounds like something I'd hear my grandma and her sisters talking about at a family reunion.

HUGS...

abnitude said...

i have to give you my 2 cents and pass on professional advice. prep h is great but otc hydrocortisone cream or ointment 1% works the best. and using the finger as your applicator is the best method for getting to the source fast. thats what soap and water is for anyway.

Bigg said...

I dunno about the best cream on the market, but when I had trouble I used the Preparation H straight out of the refrigerator (yes, I refrigerated it, and it felt GREAT going on) and they cleared right up.
So how's that for TMI?

Lewis said...

Ed is right.....works great under the eyes at bedtime....but stay away from the eyeballs! Oh, and skip the applicator around the eyes too. Now,let's get down to business....is it hemmi's, for sure? Or just that you're washing and scrubbing with soap and hot water...when you don't need to be.....no soap! It dries it out bad. Maybe a little lotion too....to keep things soft and moist.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Wow - you just won my best post title for the week. And then won it again for actually blogging in detail about the Anal Update (I mean who hasn't done a Anal title just to pump up the sitemeter numbers a few hundred?)- kudo's - and obviously it is a popular topic.

You are an inspiration - really, in honestly in blogging.

Daniel said...

I say if you are willing to post on the topic of using Preparation H, there is someone that will read it. It speaks volumes that you are willing to talk about any subject. Kudos. Hope everything gets better.

Lemuel said...

The worst part about "the H" is getting past the "geezers use this" syndrome. There's a reason. It works. Swallow your pride and use it, folks. Personally I think you did many people a great service, Torn, by sharing this. TMI? No way. And Spouse and the laundry are much happier now too.

David said...

A corollary to your tribe motto is "if you leave it alone, they will bury you with it." Honey, take care of yourself.

Jason said...

I find several tbsps of milk of magnesia followed by a liter of water does the trick for me.

dirk.mancuso said...

I'm glad to hear you've gotten relief.

In a weird coincidence, my mother was talking about hemmorhoids just the other day and what she did for relief. I assure you, your method was much preferable to hers...

Naked Boy said...

I actually bought it a couple of years ago to use on my eyes, for my first date with "the boif", I felt my eyes looked puffy. Luckily I never needed it for "down there". :)

The Persian said...

I am with Daniel, good for you posting on this very personal topic. If it happened to me I would also probably go the "it will go away eventually" route.

I was reading that hemmorhoids are caused by pushing too hard when going to the bathroom, and is most often not a product of anal sex.

Boy did I feel stupid.

Always wondered why I never got them, now I know!

lolo

dawn said...

Yeah. So. Talk of turd above a picture of a food that looks like a turd gone very wrong.

Man this place is classy.

Steven said...

Ummm... I'm speechless (and that's hard for me).

Veronica said...

Did you know you can also use Prep H on the bags under your eyes? 'Shrinks 'em up and tightens the skin.

Thom said...

Ha!

I occasionally use a similar product, but I find Preparation H to be itchy. So it's Anusol for me.

Of course you should use your finger to apply it - doesn't everyone?