Some days just don't start right. Yesterday was one of those days. It started when I woke up to hear the coffee percolating in the coffee maker. So charming and wonderful that spouse would set that up for me before going to bed for my first day back to work. Well, it was supposed to be back to work, but I'll get to that. I lay there until it finished percolating and then went to pour myself a cup. It was water. Spouse had forgotten a key element in the coffee making process, the coffee. Sigh. So I poured it all out and prepped a new batch (this time with coffee!) but as I was doing this I got the sudden urge to go. This happens sometimes, just thinking about the coffee can signal my bowels to contract. (Also, incidentally, stepping foot into a clothing store.)
It was really insistent, this urge, but I just wanted to finish making the damn coffee when, OOPS, a tiny (seemingly) ooze slipped out and I threw everything down that I was doing and shuffled my way to the bathroom trying to keep whatever matter-slash-liquid had escaped between my buns. I arrived at the toilet just in time. However, as I was sitting there, I noticed a big blotch of brown on the floor near my foot. Oh my. And then I saw another one by the door. Then I noticed the inside of my leg. This was not a tiny ooze. This was voluminous enough to run down my legs and leave a Hansel and Gretel trail from the coffee maker to the toilet. I frantically set to cleaning up before spouse awoke to mock me relentlessly. (I'm wondering now if this is related to the hemmorhoid ointment.) All of this before I can even have coffee. What a friggin' nightmare. (Though I'm giggling now.)
Drama over, I blogged, showered and dressed in my monkey suit to start the day. I spent several hours doing prep work for classes and then got an email saying the students were absent today in my classes so they are canceled. Sigh.
Today though, really, I start.