Monday, August 27, 2007

This n that

We had quite a day yesterday. We did Ikea, Home Depot and Costco in five hours with a similar number of hundreds of dollars spent. We got carpets to cover up the destroyed floors, and it was really alarming to see the Christmas crap on the floor at Costco. I almost bought my Christmas cards, but then I thought, "It's August!" I'm not buying Christmas stuff in August. Anyway, I've learned my lesson at Costco. We had to renew our cards which had expired in 2003. But we still have five boxes of macaroni and cheese from the crate we bought there four years ago. Plus they don't have the no name brand which I think is cheaper than Costco anyway. It's a strange model they have that you have to pay just for the right to shop there.

Some funny search terms leading here yesterday:

* pictures of canadian raccoon dung

Although I don't have a photo of raccoon dung, I do have a photo of mock raccoon dung. I hope this visitor found what they needed.

* I accidentally ripped the head of my penis off

Oh dear, that can't be good. Might I suggest going to the hospital instead of googling it? Make sure you put it on ice so they can sew it back on before it shrivels up and dies.

* my cocaine is sticky

I'm sorry to hear that. That would naturally present problems with the imbibement of the substance. Maybe you can just dissolve it into some tea to salvage it. Good luck.

* face sores on heroin

Gee, not sure about that one. I've heard of speed bumps, erupting pustules on the skin. But heroin sores? Perhaps it's true, but honestly I'm not even interested enough to find out.

* sticking something in urethra

God I cannot believe I wrote about that. I had already blocked my memory of writing about it. Shudder.

16 comments:

Scott said...

my cocaine is sticky... is that the new 'who stole my cheese' of the 00's?

Ed said...

Why did you stick something in your Urethra? How did you stick something in your Urethra? I tried that once damn it hurt!
Too bad ND is gone I'm sure he could answer their drug questions.

dan said...

THE macaroni and cheese I ate ?

Lemuel said...

Oh, that list was funny! It makes you wonder about search engines.

Snooze said...

I boycott Costco because of the whole "pay to shop there" thing. I love the fact that you still have a box of mac and cheese. At least it will keep.

David said...

"It's a terrific price for 50 lbs of nutmeg!"

Jason said...

My stepmother bought a 10-pack of deodorant (armpit-kind) and it went bad. Who knew deodorant can go bad?

Chunks said...

Don't you be dissin' Costco! I pay the Executive Member price and then you get a dividend cheque once a year. This year, the dividend cheque paid for the membership AND put another $150 smackers in my purse.

Plus, I got my Christmas cards AND a new Christmas wreath which will NOT be there in a month, so I feel lucky.

Mac and cheese CAN go bad. Stale. Check the expiry date on the box. I know this because Darin once went to an auction sale and bought two cases of EXPIRED mac and cheese. "But it was cheap!" Ughhhhh.

Rebekah said...

Dan's comment made me laugh out loud.

Cooper said...

I spent a futile hour in Home Depot yesterday. I ordered (and paid for) an area rug there three weeks ago. They have no record of the transaction. I produced my reciept and they have "re-cordered" it. This took a whole hour ...and THREE different sales assistants!

Like Chunks I got a dividend check from Costco last year ... enough to pay for this year's membership plus!

dirk.mancuso said...

I have never been to Costco or Ikea. Or stuck anything in my urethra.

I feel like such a nerd right now...

GayProf said...

Costco requires too much planning on my part. I can't decide what to have for dinner tonight, much less buying econo sizes for the next four months.

Sorry to hear about something in your urethra, but it is better than having the head of your penis ripped off (I am willing to bet).

Jess said...

Like every visit to Barnes & Noble, when they ask me to join their club. For $25 a year, I get lower prices. Yeah? How about just lowering your prices and competing with Borders on that basis?

*sigh* There used to be a small bookstore near the house. I always shopped there, but the big places ran them out of business long ago. Such a shame. It feels like all of the stores now (be they big bookstores or Costco or any of the others) are some kind of glorified Ponzi scheme!

Lewis said...

You did all three of those stores together....????? what is wrong with you guys? Plus, I like having my sticky cocaine ripped off the head of my penis.
I really appreciated your comment on my site. A lot. Thanks for thinking of me. Happy back to school! (It is today....right???)

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

My search queries are getting really boring lately. I have to do something to spice them up.
You have all the best queries. Sigh...

dawn said...

Man, that is good time stuff that people found here on your blog. I wonder as well about the logic of searching for some of these things on the internet instead of seeking some sort of professional help.

Not that you aren't totally professional.