Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Back on topic

Well here's a new one. I fell yesterday because I stepped on a dog turd. Since it was frozen solid, it was like stepping on a frozen hotdog and whoops, my foot went out from under me and I landed right on my behind. I had to laugh (once I finished cursing), what could be more fitting to happen to me. Had it been summer, I'd have squished that thing into my shoe soles. I fall every winter at least once, so I'm hoping that was it.

Poor Sara has had to cope with doing her business on the piece of patio that is cleared of snow. It's not a very big piece, but I kind of like it as it makes cleanup less of a treasure hunt. The turds usually freeze onto the wood and I have to kick them to dislodge them so I can pick them up. It's actually better than when it's warm and you've got to deal with the soft ones.

Sara did one of her vile dog acts the other day too. I took her out for a quick walk around the block and she snarfled something into her mouth. I didn't see what it was and so I did my usual, "What is that? Give me that? What do you have in your mouth?" I grabbed whatever it was with my gloved hand, wrenched it from her maw and studied it in my gloved hand. It took a good 5 seconds to understand that I was holding a frozen dog turd. Gah! Flung that thing like the sissy I am. And then the admonishment, "No kisses for a week. Bad dog!"

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope you were not hurt from the fall and how fitting that it was caused by a turd. Dogs I've had in the past have been finicky eaters. Turning up their noses at good dog food. Then to my amazement going out and eating dog poo, cat poo, rotting birds, putrid animal carcasses. Going so far as to rub them selves on the decaying rabbit. They say that is to disguise their own smell. Also, the licking of dogs on their owners lips has always been repulsive to me. I've seen too many dogs lick their ass and eat poop to allow one to lick my mouth. Glad to see the blog is back on its favorite topic: poo haha! Ed

Christopher said...

First and foremost, I'm glad to hear you were not injured from a crappy fall on the winter riddled streets where the sole interacts with the turd-bowl of life.

As for the nature of our beloved beasties, our dear Bella is rather crap shy; she'll squat and take a leak in the middle of our parking lot, or drive, but to find that perfect spot for her precious defecant is an art that I shall never understand.

Ah well, the life of a dog!

-C
(http://christopherc.wordpress.com/)

birdoparadise said...

We have to keep the cat boxes in the basement to prevent the dog from eating "cat candy." Every so often she'll come in from outside with stinky breath, and we know there's one less landmine to clean up. Then she toots for a day or so, each event marked by loud groans and rapid fanning of the air. She wags.

Doncha just love dogs? Well, obviously we do, since we put up with such vile habits. And they love and kiss us, even when we eat onions and wear cologne. Good dog.

:* Birdie

Paul said...

Frozen dog turds remind me of when I used to live in Chicago. The bad part is that they start thawing out in March. Ew, what a mess!!!

birdoparadise: Cat candy? Ew, what a mess!!!

Lemuel said...

Sometimes when a dog eats feces it is a sign of some kind of nutrient deficiency, I think. If she continues to do it, check with a vet.

On a lighter note, we can always count on Torn and his Tales of the Turd. :)

And I'll betcha Sara get a reprieve from her "no kisses" sentence.

bardelf said...

Turd Talk on Tuesday with your host Torn. I love it! LOL

Glad you weren't injured when you fell, and that you could laugh about it.

Take care!

David said...

Can we expect "The Twelve Days of Turdtalk?"

Cooper said...

The Torn we all know and love! I'm glad you didn't break anything when you fell.

Doug said...

I can't think of anything witty, so I'll just say I hope your bee-hind wasn't bruised too badly.

RoxRocks said...

You (at the doctors' office): I slipped on a poopsicle.
Doctor: Falls on floor laughing.

I love the title Tuesday Turd Talk with Torn. It's terrific!! We could have t-shirts!

don said...

Hey, I am tryin to eat ovah here.

Great that you are back on topic. I missed reading your poop stories over breakfast.

Patricia said...

i've pried poop from indi's mouth, too, but it wasn't frozen! *gag* i had fingers full of poo before i knew it and i stood there shrieking and wiping my hand in the grass. gross!

Enemy of the Republic said...

Thought I would come visit in between grading papers and see how life is treating you. Hmmm. You have just given my husband another reason why we can't get a dog. But we have birds, cats, gerbils and fish.

If you need some addresses, I will send them your way so that you can mail the frozen turds to those who are worthy of such gifts for Christmas.

CoffeeDog said...

You are far from being a sissy. Sissies don't enjoy potty humor like you do.

irisgirl said...

Another poopy post! Thank you for this morning's giggle...and so glad you weren't seriously damaged a la poopsicle...

dbv said...

you just gave me the only reason i'd move to a cold climate... the soft ones are just terrible, i get the gag reflex everytime, frozen would be too easy!!

dirk.mancuso said...

Thank God it was just poo, Torn.

Tucker had fur covered bits and pieces of a rabbit he murdered hanging from his mouth last week.

Talk about screaming like a sissy...

Mark in DE said...

Our 'darling' dog Jordan would eat every hot, steamy turd she pushed out if we'd let her. We also have to keep the kitty litter box behind a baby gate to keep her from eating Pouncer's poo. Its so disgusting to think about, and you can BET we don't allow Jordan to 'kiss' us anywhere on our faces.

Mark :-)

Cameron said...

Are you familiar with the South Park character "Mr. Hanky"? He's a big old turd, who loves Christmas. Dresses up in a little Santa hat. His favorite saying is:

"Hiiiiii-deeee-ho!"

Winter does have its advantages. ;)

TJ said...

Firstly this shit is funny :) and secondly but more importantly I'm glad you're ok. Can I say shit on here?

latt├ęgirl said...

"snarfled." Good word! And oh my, I had forgotten that my dogs used to eat shitsicles each winter. It grossed me out so much... but it sure helped me keep the backyard free of droppings!

jalishouse.wordpress.com said...

Funny shit! (I'm a big copier sometimes - my eyes just don't stay on my own work)

I'm glad you weren't hurt. Imagine filling out insurance forms and referring to turds.

Summer said...

I say that all the time when Cody licks himself, no kisses for you. Of course hour hour later I'm kissing him. Dog owners are a special breed. At the end of winter we have the annual harvesting of the poo that's been buried all winter. I wish my dog would go on the patio.

Snooze said...

I am giggling picturing of you slipping on frozen dog turd. How appropriate for winter!

art said...

two of the blogs i read had poop posts today. yours and this one:
http://farnham.blogspot.com/
check out the gold poop post.

and I'm glad you weren't hurt in the fall.

Truthspew said...

Past few years we've gotten just enough snow so that it compacts down and becomes solid ice, or it goes away so quickly that you don't even think it's winter.

Get a pair of YakTrax. Seriously, I walked across sheer ice with these babies and didn't slip at all.

Now regarding dogs, yeah they'll pretty much eat anything. Ick!

I'll never forget. Friends brought their Chihuahua/Miniature Pinscher pup over and Angie my cat just upchucked. The pup went over and licked it up. Ewwww.

Steven said...

Note to self: never kiss your dog.

robert78 said...

I love the word "snarfled" :)

I so enjoy your blog, even though I don't often comment. Thanks!

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