What is a blog? I'll admit I didn't really know when I started, I just thought it was a kind of journal, albeit public. In the last few years, there has been an explosion of "personal web space" including blogs, and like any media, there's plenty of mediocrity sprinkled with genius. When I hear "journalists" lamenting the mediocrity of blogs, I think about the high school plays and musicals I did, mediocre at best, and yet there were all our families and friends cheering us on. Would you turn to your friend who invited you to their daughter's recital and say, "No thanks, I'm only interested in REAL talent"? (Arggh, where does the question mark go? Should there be a period inside the quotes?) No, of course you wouldn't, unless perhaps you were that charmer Simon Cowell. Blogging has largely been commandeered by the celebrities, many of them attracting instant readership by virtue of their name. Mediocre? (I'm looking at you, Rosie.) Sometimes. Genius? (Hi Yarn Harlot, blogger cum celebrity) A little of that too. But at least we can get the view from another point of awareness than our own, be it dull, exotic, exciting or banal. Through blogging I've found a social outlet that doesn't involve drunkenness in bars and has fewer restrictions on the means of participation. I've found a lot of good eggs out there. I'd love to find more, but for now I feel like I've got enough bloggians to keep track of.
So it really surprises me when someone comes around and dumps a load of shit on the blog, since how can I take it but personally. I deleted it since there's no torn bashing allowed here. It was a particularly vitriolic comment, anonymous of course, that lambasted my writing ability (boring drivel), personality (narcissistic to the point of pathology) and particularly my insensitivity at writing the story of Hawaii '93. I'll grant the boring drivel, but not forgive the unnecessary jibe of pointing it out, and narcissistic? You bet, not only is it a hallmark of my generation but it's pretty much a prerequisite for blogging. (I grew up in the "you have to love yourself first before you're able to love others" era, and since narcissism is defined as self-love....) As for my stories, I figure if they happened to me, I'll talk about them. I'll change names to respect privacy, and unless you've told me specifically not to post your picture, I'll do that too. I think the more stories we share as human beings, real honest stories, the more we can see how we all have much more in common than differences. And yet it's the differences that make life, as well as blogs, interesting. Here's what I want to know - what is it that inspires a person to dump on a stranger like that. I mean I hate fox news, but I don't shoot off a letter every time I take issue with their "reporting", I just don't watch it. Don't like narcissistic drivel? Don't read it. Commenting to tell me why you're delisting my "vomitus blog" is, and let's emphasize the not, not necessary.
46 comments:
Too bad someone made you the target of their unhappiness. Your blog is the first on my list every morning. I especially love the stories and videos of you and Serge interacting - your love is palpable.
Hi ya:
... perhaps, as only a slight admonishment, "anonymous" ought to have been ignored so as not to give credence when none is due? Love to y'all!
M & J
It seems strange to me too, that a person would feel it important enough to lambast and complain and then not add their name. Coward, idiot? Maybe. Perhaps they are like a serial killer. This person just wants to get a reaction from the author. What a boring life a person must live that can only get a little recognition in this way. Now when you first see the anonymous banner it may make you cringe, sorry. Ed
Bullying lives on. I'm sorry you were the target of such stinging criticism. It hurts because the commenter chose carefully the words that would wound most. I wonder if your story brought back painful memories for him.
Let it be. Do not give the power to disrupt to one who can be ignored. He has only the power you give him. He is an insect droning in your ear; swat him away.
I visit your blog every single morning for a smile. It's like having a quiet cup of coffee with a friend to start the day. Some days I listen and nod, other days I chime in the conversation as others drop in. Your blog has a place in this world, and I'm glad it's here. I would like nothing more than to meet you someday, but to have you here each day is great for now.
Now, since you asked: In American rules (not British), end punctuation is always enclosed inside the "quotes." But use only one kind of end mark at a time; if you must choose, pick the one that makes the most sense for the entire sentence. And put it inside the quotes.
:) Birdie
That sort of person is jealous. He/she probably can't stand the fact that you have so many readers.
I loved this post because it framed many of my own thoughts about blogging and about life. I don't always agree with you or the others I read, and you/they do not always agree with me. I enjoy reading you/others because you/they expand my world and give me other ideas and perspectives to consider. If I come to the point that I do not enjoy reading a blog, I stop. I feel no need to publicize the fact.
My own reaction to the comment that you received is that the pot is calling the kettle black. The true narcissist here is the commenter, not you, Torn. He [she] is so wrapped up in his own world, worldview, self-importance that he has to tell you he removed you from his blogroll? Talk about arrogance!
Over my years of blogging I've had anonymous and semi-anonymous negative comments that got under my skin, but I have to say that I hardly remember them after some time has passed.
I don't remember the source, but when I used to teach, the punctuation versus closing quotatation mark rules were period and comma inside the quote, semi-colon and colon outside the quote, and question mark and exclamation point inside or outside the quote depending on context.
Get 'em, torn! They must simply be envious of your brilliance, friendliness, and happy personality. I am serious! Your blog makes my day. Cheers, man!
Through blogging I've found a social outlet that doesn't involve drunkenness in bars and has fewer restrictions on the means of participation.
I love this observation. So true. Akin to online dating, blogging has evolved for me into "online friending" and I consider my blogfriends a very important and closely connected part of my life.
The anonymity of the person is what irks me most. If one doesn't have the courage to stand by his/her opinions, then all I see is just a faceless bully on the playground, slinging mud.
Blogs, whether they are mediocre or stellar, are the new "have coffee with your neighbor" for our generation. Every morning, I pour a cup and sit and catch up with everyone. Not everyone I read is an amazing author (myself included) but each one has managed to wrap their way into my heart for one reason or another.
Anonymous negative commenters are cowards.
I think Birdie summed it up pretty good. Yours is the first (and sometimes only) blog that I come to daily. I enjoy what your write and how you phrase things. For me it's like saying "hi" to a friend every morning.
And like you, if something doesn't suit me, I see no need in proclaiming loudly that I don't like it or worse yet make a point of belittling it. I just move on and don't worry about it anymore.
Know that you bring smiles to many faces each day. Thank you for that.
This anonymous person probably just wants to feel superior by criticizing others, and since it's the internet and anonymous, doesn't feel that it's actually affecting a real person. And he (or she) is, in a way, right. Who cares if some nameless block of text contains some nasty words?
Personally, I think the best blogs are the ones where the blogger is mostly writing for themselves, and being open and honest about sharing a little piece of themselves. That may be narcissistic, but like you said, we gotta share honest stories with each other, and the best person to tell a story is the person who participated in it.
Actually, the punctuation doesn't always go inside the quotation marks in American rules. Periods and commas do, even when common sense says they shouldn't, but the placement of the question mark depends on whether the question lies in the quote or in the sentence surrounding the quote. So your placement of the question mark outside the quotation marks is correct.
As for your larger point, there are competing ideas. On the one hand, telling someone that his blog sucks does seem pointless and mean spirited, and the commenter was likely jealous and/or having a bad day. And, of course, it's your blog and you should write whatever you like. But if you put something out in a public medium, then you're inviting attention of all sorts, not only praise. Naturally, you also have the right to delete nasty comments: if the person thinks it's that important to criticize you, he can do it on his or her own blog.
Yeah, me too. I agree with what's been posted above, and especially with Patricia's comment, the part about my blog friends being very important part of my life. And you are in that category, fur shure.
hehehehehe I like the term "vomitus blog." It sounds like the name of an ancient Roman thug.
Vomitus Blog was heard in the yard
Voicing opinion on what he had heard
He rambled and mumbled with great indignation
While the citizens worked and paid no attention.
The rhyme scheme is a bit sloppy, but otherwise I like it.
Happy Tuesday, dear Torn!
While I'm largely in agreement with what the other commentators say, I was a bit uneasy about your posting the photograph of the guy. Is that not a wee breach of confidence? Anyway, I hereby declare that all the photos I've sent you are for your own delectation only, especially the one where I'm...
Paul Brownsey
Some people will choose to live their lives by being critical of others. It is unfortunate but they have made that choice and there isn't much we can do about it.
Personally I love reading your blog.
I almost always make time for Torn (even when I don't make time for my own blog).
I don't mind if people disagree with other bloggers (or my blog), or even challenge them (me). To launch into a pointless attack, however, suggests that they are really working on their own issues that had been touched on by your post.
Mr. Anonymous has peed in my morning coffee a time or two as well. I can never understand deliberate unkindness. No one ever forces anyone to read any blog. I love your blog, Torn. My day begins with sips of you. Delicious, you are ... and sustaining.
I agree that you touched a nerve in this guy and he was just dumping.
He does get a small bit of credit for using vomitus though, sounds a little like us, that.
I like what you said about it.
I don't have anything new to add to the fine comments already made, except to include this observation. When I began writing my blog, I tried to write only on subjects of 'substance', or significance, or some such, thinking who the hell would be interested in my personal blatherings about my day... but then I began to notice the blogs that I sought out to READ. They were almost always the most personal, the most introspective, the most deeply felt, and yes, usually the most autobiographical. The good storytellers in particular caught me and kept me. Seeing that, I began writing about anything that caught my fancy, and the response I've gotten has been warm and affectionat. I've yet to experience any drive-by criticisms by cowards who can't sign their names, but I've experienced that in other venues (with letters and phone calls), and it is infuriating... but ultimately I did take heart in the fact that he/she was too afraid to give me a name. I don't know why people don't just avoid the things they don't like, when it comes to blogging, or any media really... but I agree that this says more about them than it does about you.
You have been a daily delight for me as well, Dear Torn, and getting little glimpses of your life and obsessions has been such fun.
people suck.
Jelousy? Missing a few cans in his six pack? Just plain rude?
Point is those that love and adore you are still here!
Quote
"I never did mind the little things"
End Quote
One of the best life lessons I ever learned was that when people dump on you, rarely is it actually about you. It's about them and their problems. You're just the unfortunate target. With "it's not about me" as my mantra - I find that unpleasant personal interactions rarely get to me the way they used to.
Personally, I love your blog. It's a daily read.
I wish I could answer your question about what inspires a person to dump on a stranger's blog, but since I try to deal with logic and that behavior obviously lacks logic, I find no answer.
Just keep being you and writing about it. And delete the occasional comment that needs to be deleted.
Mark :-)
I see this as a sort of victory on your part, torn. A successful blog is one that incites emotion and reaction in its readers, no? That's exactly what you've done here.
The fact that this sorry loser has tried to beat you down doesn't reflect badly on you or on stickycrows. Your readers know that. His rudenss says more about him than anything else. And it gives you a certain notoriety. That's my opinion anyway.
To quote the late great Tallulah Bankhead: I don't care what people say about me - as long as they talk.
Leaving anonymous hateful comments on blogs says a LOT more about the commentor than it does the blog.
Don't sweat it, man. Just delete his comment, ignore him, and go on entertaining the rest of us.
HUGS...
I was going to say that the question mark goes inside the quotation marks, but I will defer to The Neighbors Will Here. His reasoning appears sound.
"vomitus," heh.
Sticky Crows is a regular pleasure for me, too!
It's good you mentioned the troublesome M. Anonymous, but even better that we can delete him and move on!
My god, look at all that snow...
"If they're shooting at you, you know you're doing something right."
I've encountered A-None-E-Mouse a couple of times myself. I've found him/her/it to be rather entertaining simply because usually, they're not particularly bright, so you can pretty much engage them just enough for them to respond in kind and make absolute fools of themselves.
I can't even imagine someone having a problem with you or your blog! You're like a fun neighbor or something. Nevertheless, I know the feeling. I was viciously attacked by a psycho at the first place I used to blog about three years ago. They wrote the most incredibly hateful, bigoted, nasty stuff in my comments and then, when the blog community there defended me, claimed it was all a joke and that I should have known that???!!! Huh? I didn't even know the person who wrote it nor did I ever read their blog! Idiot. In the end, they won because I'm a Cancer and easily hurt so I folded the blog and went on hiatus for a time. Yeah, I'm a loser. I just don't know how to deal with pure hate. Sorry that you had to.
I feel like Paula Abdul here-- maybe it's the painkillers-- but yours is not a vomitus blog. Be happy he's gone, the stupid ugly fucker!
Cheers, my friend. Who else would I visit in my underwear?
One thing I learned though blogging is that you need to have a thick skin. That's not to say that it doesn't hurt when someone is mean and spiteful towards you. My mother used to tell me, "consider the source". I enjoy your blog everyday and especially love pictures of you and Serge.
The anonymous bully lives everywhere--and was probably a chapter in Psych 101, but my memories of college are clouded in a haze, if you know what I mean!
I am also a devoted, daily reader, and love both your blog and your fabulous commenters!
Keep on truckin'.....
Getting anonymous hateful comments is the sign that you've arrived! It happens to all the best bloggers.
Re: hateful anonymous...what a lot of crap. Ignore.
Re: question marks and quotes...
If the quote itself is a question, then the question mark would go inside the quotation marks.
If the quote is simply a quote contained within a sentence that is, itself, a question, then the question mark would go outside the quotation marks.
I've already told you, but I'll tell you again. I have about thirty blogs bookmarked. Of the thirty, I read about ten, faithfully. On a really really busy day when I don't really have time to read blogs, I ALWAYS make time to read yours. Why? Because you're genuine. And when Bird of Paradise coughs up the dinner invitation...I want in.
Don't give it another thought. We are here for your witty observations and take on life. Know that you have far more supporters than detractors. Write on! ChristopherYVR
and also: you're not famous until you get bad press-- look at britney...
i've read your blog for a while now and enjoy your writing immensely. i admire you for sharing your life in such an interesting manner and i usually get a chuckle if not a full on laugh over something You post. i think that whoever mad the disparaging comment aout your writing must be jealous about not having your talent or ability to share your stories. i also think there are just mean people out there who are miserable and just want to drag others along with them. my conclusion to al this is that he must be a loser and you are not!!!
Nobody ever leaves interesting anonymous comments on my blog, I'm jealous!!
Me too, me too!
I really enjoy your blog, Torn, and I especially loved that Hawaii saga. You tell such good Awwwww... stories. Carry on, kind sir! -- Lizzie
Hey I'm just telling you what so many others have done before me. I enjoy your blog and your writing style. Don't let that person get to you. It's your world, your thoughts, and all things about your views. Keep on writing!!
I love your blog, it was one of the first I started reading regularly back in the day. Whoever wrote that is a jerkface.
I turn to your blog almost every day. That is unusual for me. I'm rarely that consistent. You can't please everyone, and there are some that will not be pleased despite every effort. Keep on keeping on, Torn.
Be thankful. I've started attracting the homophobes on my blog. I let one comment out, even did a whole post about why I did it, and then why I'll never do it again.
I hate to be that way, but one comment really irked me so much that I emailed the guy and we've been speaking a bit and he's actually coming around some from his narrow biblical world view. But it's too much effort.
I've often noted that those who spout out a lot of abuse at another person, are usually at some kind of boiler point with themselves, but are unable to directly shout at themselves for their flaws. so they turn around, find something they maybe don't like and project all of their own baggage onto the other person.
The complete uselessness of telling a blogger they are narcissistic - it's a blog, it's supposed to be all about the writer. It's the whole point of the exercise.
Feel sorry for them, forgive them if you can, for all the anger they shot in your direction was most likely intended for themselves, and they're just too scared to admit it yet.
People who are struggling with guilt or anger at themselves will blow anything out of proportion.
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