Thursday, July 03, 2008

Scattered

I can't believe this, but I received an economic stimulus check yesterday. Three hundred buckaroos. I'll be a good American and spend it in the casinos of Vegas next month. Doesn't it seem strange to you that I haven't worked or paid taxes in the U.S. for 7 years but I'm still eligible? I still file every year but I only have to pay taxes in the place where I live. Which is here, in Canada. My thoughts feel very scattered these days. I'm not going to mention why since it should be obvious and spouse tells me to stop talking about it which is hard, especially when he's puffing on one of the god-damned things. And just like that, the evil monster pops out. Sometimes it feels like my stomach is digesting razor blades and crushed glass. I know this is a withdrawal symptom and I marvel at its clever insistence. Sometimes that's where/why/when the evil monster comes out. I've been good I tell myself. Very, very good. Breathe.

The secret weapons are these and tootsie roll pops. No biting! Can't bite the tootsie roll pop and you're only allowed to focus on the tootsie pop and its texture, taste, almost imperceptible malliableness, zeroing in, anticipating and tongueing for that little weakness in the shell of hard candy, then crescendoing to the first taste of the brown goo inside. I recommend sitting down and giving it your full attention. This reminds me of the time I bought tootsie rolls for the Japanese kids. They wouldn't eat them. Of course they wouldn't they look like little turds right? Now that reminds me of when the Japanese family served this. I graciously ate them, and begrudgingly even liked them. But kids don't have that skill yet. I need to get some more Japanese students, they're fun. Anyway, where'd I go? I'm having a hard time keeping track of myself. Better run along. (Day three, yay me, yay me!)

23 comments:

Polt said...

I don't think I've ever been turned on before listening to someone descibe eating a tootie pop...or any piece of candy.

You have a way with words my friend. :)

Congrats on Day three.

HUGS...

CoffeeDog said...

Keep going!

Summer said...

Yay You!! On to day four!

Greg said...

Alright!!! Good for you, Rick! It's an evil monster, this nicotine, and it will scream and cry and plead to get you to come back for just a little. Congratulations on not listening to that evil little voice!

And if you look up and find that you've walked as far as Massachusetts, give a call!

RJ March said...

Congrats, and ignore that evil monster (Serge). Keep up the good work.

vuboq said...

Seems like you're doing great! Keep it up!

What is the food that the Japanese family gave you? Some sort of sausage?

Anonymous said...

Serge is jealous that you are braver than he is! (You can tell him I said that and he can prove that he is braver by quitting!)

My thing was scotch mints. I ate them by the 2kg bag! Day three smoke free...wooohooo!!!!
-Rox

bob said...

Bang on. Rumor has it that day 3 is the worst and that the physical addiction is pretty much over once your over that hump (I could be misquoting unreliable sources).

And thanks for the podcast tip ... I'll subscribe to that right away.

Patricia said...

I love tootsie pops. We used to have tootsie pop drops. Just the candy without the stick. I was in love. Then they went and discontinued them. If anyone has them, I'll pay a small fortune for them, so let me know.

Fatinah said...

I'm so glad you're still at it!!

"Just David!" said...

My first few days were torture. I actually pretended to smoke, holding two fingers up to my mouth and inhaling deeply, holding it in like smoking and then dramatically exhaling. I must have looked like an idiot, but I quit on vacation in the Caribbean so I didn't care what anybody thought. That somehow made it easier for me, that and the two friends who constantly monitored me and reinforced the positive aspects of quitting. It took the ex 3 months after I quit before he did. Serge will come around.

Brice said...

I found that popsicles were a great oral distraction.
Besides, you sucking a big hard icey would make a great video...

em said...

Yay!

I seem to be carrying your crankiness for you though. Perhaps I should get the podcast too.

Ann said...

This too shall pass! You're doing it!

David said...

Hang in there. We're hanging with you. Keep thinking of all the money you're saving.

*~*Cece*~* said...

Good job on your progress! My kids would SO not eat that. lol

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Dude. Are you seriously getting to the middle of a tootsie roll pop without biting? Then you'd better start counting the licks. I know you're old enough to remember the how-many-licks-does-it-take-to-get-to-the-center-of-a-tootsie-roll-pop ads. You can count each time and keep track on a spreadsheet and run statistical reports and make graphs and such. It'll keep you busy.

johnny368 said...

:_)

Butch said...

Clap-clap-clap-clap-clap!!

That was the sound of my hands congradulating you on your no smoking achievement. Keep up the good fight!

Frank B said...

Good work!

Anonymous said...

Just a FYI- the only reason why you don't pay US taxes is that the Canada taxes are more than the US taxes would be. You get credit for your Canadian taxes paid, which completely offsets your US liability.

If you lived in the Cayman's, you'd be responsible to pay the IRS.

dr. mo said...

I you really want to be a good American, you may try this thing with the economic stimulus money. A guy I met here in Timor Leste (long story, ask Andy) decided to ve it all to Obama and other liberal Democrats. This seems like poetic justice to me.
And hang in there on the cancer sticks: I am envious that you even keep trying.

pezliz said...

Congrats on the non-smoking!

They have MINI Tootsie-Pops at Jean Couteau and Pharmaprix (and other places)... they are so cute and less tempting to crunch :)