Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Uninspired again

The only way out is through. This is an oft repeated phrase on the quitnet. It's so true, and not just for quitting smoking but for nearly every difficult change in life. The only way to get over heartache is to go through heartache, minute by miserable minute. Same goes for grief. I would say that our resistance to change stems from this very truth.

The cravings are so severe sometimes, it's like a guy shouting at me from my abdomen and then pulling different emotional cords. He's the disappointed parent scolding me. Why can't I just please him? Now he's the strongest desire imaginable, stronger than lust. And now he's terrible sadness, sadness that I've turned my back on him. I had to give him a likeness in my imagination. He's balding but fat-headed. Always grimacing. Hasn't shaved in a few days. He's losing his virility slowly.

Today I get to be distracted by a new visitor. I think I will enjoy showing a first timer around town, and I hope that his excitement reawakens my newbie eyes for this wonderful city. Of course I'll be taking pics. More tomorrow.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

To see a major city through the eyes of someone who has lived there awhile would be the only way to see it.
Strength comes from within, To quote Emily Dickinson: We never know how high we are till we are called to rise, and then if we are true to form, or statures reach the skies. Ed

bob said...

Hang. In. There.

And have fun playing tour guide. I get to do sometthing similar this weekend with an old friend who I haven't seen in nearly 20 years. Weird but exciting.

Lemuel said...

Perhaps showing your friend around will also be the kind of distraction to help you take your mind off the howling of that monster that wants to ring you down. Hang in there! We're all pulling for you!!

Polt said...

GIving your cravings a human form and being able to hate him is a great idea! I hope it helps!

HUGS...

Greg said...

Thanks Torn. I appreciate seeing your commitment and struggles with this. It encourages me to get more serious about joining your ranks. I love the way you envision him.

Enjoy seeing the Old City through new eyes! I think we need a sniglet for the meeting of two bloggers.

RJ March said...

Have fun. No heavy lifting!

Patricia said...

You're getting through it and you're succeeding. That's about as inspiring as it gets.

I'm jealous of the visitor. Have fun.

GayProf said...

Have fun with the new visitor!

David said...

So your inner desires look like James Gandolfini?

Laverne said...

Hey, that old balding guy? He smells bad too. He is selfish and doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's the kind of guy no one wants to sit next to on the bus.

Oh, and there's salad dressing stains on his shirt.

Does that help?

Roxrocks said...

And he has bad teeth and long toenails crusted with gunk.

Have fun touring around!

(Oh, and I read QUITNET as QUINTET and thought to myself "When did Torn join a Barbershop Quartet?" Now, how's that for retarded?)

Butch said...

Remember, the physical addiction is gone, it is only your mind playing with you. Hang in there.

Being a tour guide can reintroduce places you haven't been to in awhile. That can be fun.

em said...

Love the skanky old guy. He is us all.

magnolia_2000 said...

youre cute. why are all the cute ones gay?