2026 Holiday Letter

 

January:

As each year starts, my mother has a birthday. Here is our group shot from this January at our fave Italian place at South Coast Plaza - Antonellos's. This year, mom has a milestone birthday but it falls on Sunday so we have to go to her second favorite Italian place - Il Fornaio. We are looking forward to it. 

After our visit to California, we made our annual trek to Cuenca, Ecuador where we stayed at our usual place and hung out with our friends (Scott and Curt pictured) and played cards, shopped, ate, and relaxed while NOT shoveling snow, wearing gloves or scraping ice off our cars. We lamented the short trip (only 4 weeks) so we are going for a full two months this year. 

February:

Still in Cuenca, here is my Spanish teacher, Lucia. We meet all year on Zoom for an hour twice a week, and then in person when we are in Ecuador. I've been studying Spanish for over five years now and am functionally trilingual. Not bad for an old man.

From Ecuador, we flew to Miami to go on a Daddy cruise. This is a group organized by a travel agency and we were a small group of 24 strangers on an overcrowded Carnival ship. We had fun although we were really hesitant about returning to Carnival after having traveled on other brands. Luckily, the food was outstanding and we enjoyed getting to know our group. 

March:

What a drag. We came home March 1st to multiple feet of snow. A neighbor had some fun with the snow in front of his house. We spent the month kicking ourselves for coming back so early. There was snow on the ground here until May 5th this year. I'm hoping this el nino winter will be different. 

April:

Still a lot of snow. Here we are at the Sugar Shack. This was an excursion organized by the residents' association where we live and it didn't disappoint. If you ever get a chance to go to one (there are a zillion in Quebec) do it! 

This was also the sad month for Freddy as we had him 'fixed'. I don't know why we do this. I felt so bad for mutilating my dog, and afterwards there was no change whatsoever in his behaviour. He's a good boy, or um eunoch. 

May:

Here we are at Serge's mom's house for her last Mother's Day. If that confuses you, you should read the previous post on this blog. It was then that she announced her intention to have medical assistance in dying (MAID) which made for some rough months ensuing. Especially for Serge.

June:

Here we are celebrating Serge's mom's last birthday, 83. Despite the happy faces, the impending reality of her leaving us weighed heavily as this was her last full month with us. 

July:

July was a rough month, as Serge's mom left us on the 8th. That was one of the most surreal days of my life. Serge and I went to their house around noon to spend the afternoon. She was in great spirits while Serge and Jean-Yves were grim. I mean, there was an awfully big elephant in the room. I tried to keep things light, 'Hey guys! How about we make the last afternoon with Lise a little lighter?' I got ChatGPT to give me some questions for the surreal situation and asked Lise about life events, what she was proud of, etc. Then the first death nurse arrived to install a thing on her arm. She and Lise were laughing and carrying on and all I could think was, Lise is not dying, she's just over it all. Maybe depressed. (Who am I to say, these were just my thoughts.) As six o'clock approached, Lise seemed like it was almost Christmas, really ready to go. Then the death squad arrived. More laughing and carrying on with the doctor and nurse. Then it was time. She laid on her bed and the doctor asked her one last time if this is what she really wanted and she answered in the affirmative. Within two minutes of the first injection she stopped breathing and then the second injection, which stopped her heart, left her limp and slack-jawed. Jean-Yves reached into her mouth and grabbed her dentures. He, Serge and I were crying, I mean of course we were. I was like, how can we be letting this happen? They are MURDERING her. Serge wanted to leave immediately, but I refused and said I didn't trust Jean-Yves with the body. Luckily the guys with the body bag arrived ten minutes later. I watched as they zipped her up. I've come around to understanding that she got to go the way she wanted, with dignity and her wits about her. But I also know that I will never be willingly attending the death of another person. 

The last picture I got from our last afternoon with her. Just an ordinary day.

So yeah, July sucked. Not just because of that, but also because Jean-Yves went completely unhinged afterward and blamed Serge for her death. Cancelled the insurance on the house the day after she died and didn't inform Serge. (Serge inherits the house but he inherits the right to live in it rent-free til he dies.) He continues to threaten Serge and display his homophobia. We have stopped communicating. 

August:

Definitely better than July! We got to visit with friends we hadn't seen and tried to enjoy our rainy summer. We were able to get a couple beach days in (but I never went to the nightclub here this summer) and got ready for our annual reset - CampCamp. Here we are on the way there. We spent the night near the Maine border so we didn't have to drive the whole way in one day.  Camp was great as usual, just happy happy happy, a definite medicine for our crap summer. 

I finally got my team to do a number at Camp this year. We are the transportation team and I had us do 'Fish Heads' for the LipSynch throwdown. It killed. 

September:

Back to work. Freddy always by my side, or more often ON me. I work from home and I've got him trained to let me be while I teach in the morning. Otherwise he would sit on me, and though he is small, after a while his weight starts to hurt. What a good boy, er eunoch.

October:

Fall arrived right on schedule and we did a hike like we do every year. This one was great. It was an hour drive to get there, then a 45 minute steep hike up to the lookout and a leisurely walk back down. There were all sorts of mushrooms too, some edible, but I don't trust my knowledge enough to harvest any. 

I finally got to attend a graduation ceremony for my Master's degree which I completed at the very end of 2023. They only do the ceremony once every three years in the program I did, so it finally happened for me. It was fun seeing all my classmates from my cohort and I noticed that nobody escapes aging. 

Then right at the end of the month, they called up Serge for his hernia surgery. We thought it was gonna be in March but no, he only waited like 3 weeks from when he got on the list. As I write, he is still recuperating with another week left off work. 

November:

Later this month, Serge will turn 60 so I'm taking him on a cruise to the Caribbean. (The booking code is there in the picture if you want to surprise him with a gift) We will see ports we have never seen on this trip and I've got us a walking/eating tour of San Juan which we are both looking forward to. 

December isn't here yet, but we are planning to spend  a couple weeks in Southern California for the holidays to see family and friends and celebrate mom's 80th. 

Accomplishment this year: I quit smoking July 3rd. I think this time it will stick because I'm convinced I will die if I become a smoker again. 

If you lasted this long, thank you. I wish you, dear reader, the happiest of holidays and a very fulfilling and prosperous 2027. At least Herr Cheetoh will be reined in a bit 😀

42 days

 That’s how long my mother-in-law has to live.

I know this because she has chosen MAID—medical assistance in dying, as we call it here in Canada. She has a progressive, fatal illness, and the road ahead is not a gentle one. It’s hard to fault her decision. In fact, it’s hard not to admire the clarity of it.

She has picked her date.

The last time we saw her, she said, almost offhandedly, “I really hope someone else hasn’t taken the spot, because I really want that date.” As if she were booking a table at a restaurant. It was jarring, and yet… completely in character. Practical. Organized. Still managing things.

She’s tying everything up now—making it as smooth as possible for the people she’s leaving behind. Her longtime partner. My husband, Serge.

And yet, smooth is not the word I would use for what’s happening to them.

I think—though I hesitate to say it out loud—that they would both prefer she go “naturally.” Not because they don’t respect her decision, but because this… this feels like watching a clock tick down. It’s too precise. Too scheduled. Too real in a way that doesn’t allow for denial.

I’ve been pushing Serge to call her more. To visit.

He resists.

I couldn’t understand that at first. If you knew someone you loved had only a handful of days left, wouldn’t you want to be there as much as possible?

Last week, I finally convinced him to go.

I wasn’t prepared for what came after.

Serge is a mess.

I keep walking into rooms and finding him sitting there, crying. Not loudly. Just… undone. Sometimes he’ll be in the middle of telling me something completely ordinary, and then his face crumples, and he has to stop. He apologizes, as if this is somehow an inconvenience.

This is not the man I know. Or maybe it is, and I’m only seeing it now.

Friends have told me they understand his reaction. I think I’m starting to, too.

It’s one thing to lose someone suddenly, like when his father died. A massive stroke, and within hours, he was gone. There was shock, and then grief rushed in to fill the space. I remember the funeral home,  his widow and Serge trying to take notes while the representative spoke, both crying, neither really absorbing anything.

This is different.

This is grief with a countdown.

It doesn’t crash over you. It seeps in, day by day, moment by moment. You sit with it. You talk around it. You avoid it. And then it finds you anyway.

I’m trying to be as supportive as I can, though I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be hard on all of us.

Except maybe her.

We’re going to see her next week for her birthday.

Her last birthday.

What do you give someone when you know it’s their last?

I don’t have an answer yet.

Stay tuned.

2025 Holiday Letter

Hey Everyone Merry merry! 

Since I did an update after my birthday (scroll down to next post to read it) I'm just going to pick up where I left off back in August. 

We had another week at Camp Camp this year and on our way, stayed the night with our friend Ida who currently lives right near the Quebec/Maine border. The house is for sale though, so probably the last year we will do that. We were lucky we made it. There was an obstacle on the freeway that Serge was confused by what he was seeing and then he swerved going really fast (please do not try this) and let's just say it was really close to being a fiery wreck. We were so traumatized that neither of us brought it up for a full 10 days until we were on the drive home. 

Camp camp was wonderful this year since there was no COVID rampaging. I actually got to do some things, like a cooking class! These cranberry-instead-of-raisin Irish soda bread scones were really good and I have made them since returning home. I also learned to make hollandaise sauce. I was absolutely horrified that for one serving of the sauce on a pair of eggs benedict, it took a stick and a half of butter (!!!) and three egg yolks. Dad gum it was delicious but I can't ever see another time when consuming that will be justifiable. 

The leaves were already starting to turn when we got back at the end of August. Where we live, the season wound down and closed in mid September. Maybe I should say opened. See it's a private club from mid May to mid September, so now it's just an open neighborhood. 

Freddy has been a delight all year, constantly at my side or in my lap. We call that thing in his mouth his pacifier. He can spend hours with it hanging that way. 

Finally, it was Serge's birthday last week. 59. This was at his mom's house. He has been enjoying spending his birthday money. 

Yes, this is the same session as the holiday card I sent out this year. I didn't order enough cards so I had to cut like 25 people from the list this year. (How can I have a hundred people on my holiday card list?) Hopefully, I will prepare better next year (if I send cards, lol).

Here is wishing everyone a wonderful 2026 filled with family, friends and good times. (And read on if you'd like to read about what we did the first half of the year.)

Milestones

It's been a fun eight months since I last sat down to pen a blog post. If you are on FB, you've probably seen Serge's version of things as he has become the FB poster, and I, the lurker. (The older I get, the more I'm interested in consuming rather than creating, this blog notwithstanding.) The first milestone is the blog, 20 years old! I was turning 40 when I started it. I posted a lot more frequently back then. 

So here what's been up. I went back to Ecuador in January, skipped out to meet up with Serge and a group of campcampers on a Caribbean cruise, and then returned for another month with Serge. Here we are at a great restaurant we discovered called Tartar. When we returned to Ecuador from the cruise, the climate turned cold, cloudy and rainy. We froze and then on the last day when we were packing, we discovered the space heater that came with the apartment (but we didn't know about - DOH!) We are going back this January and renting the same place, so we shant make that error again. 

In March, I went to a concert for the first time in ages (I'm a bit concert averse, the performers never sound as good as their recordings, and even nosebleed seats are costly). Kylie didn't disappoint, however. It's fun hearing songs get popular on the radio that I heard the first time live. 

The snow finally disappeared at the end of April and in May, the place where we live became a private club as it does each summer. I organized a progressive dinner where we had apps at one house, entrees at another, and dessert at a third. There are 3 long term couples in the picture but we are the longest at 32 years. It turns out we are also 20 years married, something not many same-sex couples can say since we married merely weeks after it was legalized in Quebec in 2004. Another milestone. 

We have had a pretty warm summer so far and we spend many afternoons by the lake (a pond really) enjoying the sun, sand, water and music. Those of us who live here refer to it as our little slice of paradise. Every weekend, there are themed parties and dancing til late. I have managed to stay out only once so far this summer (my goal is twice) to dance. 

Of course that was the night they were doing body painting. When we arrived there was hardly anyone there, so we got in line for the body painting. By the time it was our turn, there were over 80 people there. Definitely out of my comfort zone, but I didn't die. 

Then last week I turned 60! Another milestone. We went to the Auberge du Lac Taureau for a couple days. It was in a beautiful location, very remote that was part luxury resort, part adventure camp. Here we are on my birthday evening enjoying the fireplace we rented on the shore of the lake ($49!)

Aside from goofing around at the beach all day, we also did some archery. We wanted to go on the evening lantern led nature walk, but a storm was approaching so they canceled it. What a storm it turned out to be, where the lightning is constant, like a disco strobe at maximum frequency. You know I love a good storm. 

Finally, my goal was to reach my goal weight by my birthday and I did it! Haven't been this weight since I dieted in 2020. A sort-of milestone. This is before the Christmas pajama bingo a couple weeks ago. (I won!) Now, I'm looking forward to eating like a king at campcamp. I'm sure you'll see FB updates from Serge when we go next week. Thanks for stopping by and enjoy the rest of the summer!

Holiday letter 2024

 

Happy holidays! It's one of my favorite times of the year. The house is filled with Christmas jazz, there's a foot of snow icing the neighborhood and I'm ready for vacation and eating mom's cooking. After last year's holiday post, I went out to California to visit the family and a few friends in Palm Springs. It was such a winning formula that I am doing it again this year but Serge is coming too. 

Here is the last picture I ever took of George last December before we had to put him down. I miss him so much. Soon after that terrible vet appointment, it was Christmastime and after I got back from California it was so snowy and cold, I couldn't wait to get out again. Snow and cold is fine in December, but after that there is no joy for me.

I headed to Ecuador first this year. It would be my longest visit yet - 10 and a half weeks. I found an amazing little airbnb unit in a great location with a lovely rooftop patio with a view over the city. It was thirteen hundred dollars for the whole stay there. (We booked it again for 2025.) For about a month, I enjoyed the sunny days and hanging with friends that we have down there. Thursday game day was one of the weekly highlights. Also, even though I work a little bit down there, it feels like I am in retirement. Can't wait to go back in January. 

Then, as in years past, we went on a cruise with our campcamp.com friends. It was the first time we had gone on a cruise with MSC and it was delightful! I think the ship wasn't full and therefore it was never super busy and one never had to wait long for anything. About an hour after we had gotten on the ship, they announced they were canceling a stop so the remaining ports were Miami and Nassau, yawn. We ended up never getting off the ship and it was wonderful having the pool largely to ourselves during port stops. Of course we had great fun with our camp friends and nightly meetups and dinners. I can't recall what Serge was doing here. Maybe we were talking about When Harry Met Sally but who knows.

After the cruise, Serge flew back to Ecuador with me for about 6 weeks. We did things we had never done there before like visit the zoo (very big on the steep side of a mountain that took us a good three hours to walk through. The pic is from there.) and visit the Amazon (a very long and ardous journey to get there and back, but we saw amazing waterfalls and wildlife) and eat guinea pig (tasted like greasy chicken). The winter vacation formula worked so well that we are doing almost exactly the same thing in 2025. I think we will swap out the Amazon excursion for a beach excursion this year though. 

We got back at the end of March and winter was still hanging on but the snow finally quit in April. In May, I joined some campcamp folks to scope out the new location of camp in Maine. What an upgrade! We all had fun planning for the summer and really enjoyed the bowling alley. I now know what the back of the alley looks like and how to get the pins and balls unstuck as they are wont to do. 

In June, Serge's mom celebrated her 80th birthday with us. We went out to dinner at 5 thinking we wouldn't need a reservation (though it was Saturday) and the first place we went was completely full and they wouldn't be able to take us until 7:30. Luckily the next choice had room for us. More and more these days I find myself thinking that there are just too many people everywhere. This was one of them. 

Finally, summer arrived. Here we are down in Old Montreal for the jet boat ride. I had gotten half-price tickets on black Friday so we took our next-door neighbors who, as I've said before, have become our best buds. We hung out all summer around the fire, at the beach and frequently at each other's house. For the Carnival-like party here, we ordered costumes from the wizard of oz and dressed up. They left for Thailand in October this year for a five-month stay like they did last year. In 2026 though, we are planning to stay more time here in the winter and hang out together. 

When a girl's got to go, she's got to go. Serge in his Dorothy costume. He made the ruby "slippers" himself. 

Then it was time for campcamp and we got to use the costumes a second time for T-dance. It was a great week but only really the first few days for me. Being in charge of transportation became a headache with campers coming down with covid and needing to be transported out as well as my staff coming down with covid and having to leave. It all worked out as usual, but it was stressful at the end. 

In September we had a visit from an acquaintance inquiring if we would like to have a pug (he knew I had a pug in mind for a future pet). The only catch was not to castrate him so that he could continue to make puppies with his two female pugs. Frankly, I don't think either of us were ready to get a dog again, but we took him for a one week trial and of course fell for him. He is really a good dog, very vocal and VERY attached to me. It will be hard to be away from him for so long when I am in Ecuador this year (plane tickets had already been bought when we got him).

The fall has been fun with Freddy. I took him down to the river and he loved splashing around and biting the water. We even took him to Montreal when we went to our friend's birthday party. He did great. There was a kid of about 11 years old there who took to Freddy right away. It was fun seeing them play together and reminded me of the bonds I had with dogs when I was a kid. 

Last week, we got to visit our friends in Granby. We had a great time catching up and getting holiday sloshed together. 

That is a basic recap of the year's highlights. I'm still working part time teaching and Serge is still working part-time at the local hardware store. Although I'm a bit of a news junky, I feel like the holiday letter is not the place to weigh in on current events. Suffice it to say, there is plenty to fret about. But at this time of year, I just like to feel grateful for all the good in the world, our friends and families and good health and happiness. I wish the same for all of you. Merry merry!

My sixtieth year

But I'm not sixty yet! Yet it dawned on me that I AM in my sixtieth year of life since at 59, one has completed all of those years. Turning sixty can't be all that different than turning 59 after all. But here I am going through my life and suddenly the reality of my age is like that bad devil on your shoulder commenting darkly on everything about it. It's not all bad though, it seems more like this is my year of resignation, that no one escapes old age. No one. Resignation might be the wrong word, it's more like letting go. Letting go of the notion that I can get rid of those wrinkles, that sag, those brain farts. (They'll be increasing forever more.) Letting go of the idea that I'm still going to make something of myself, that I'll be well-off (bwahahahaha). This is liberating. One tiny shred of light on the overriding fact: I'm dying. The point is we all are, I just keep dwelling on it these days. Might as well share some of my observations today.

I have started to put cream on my face. Those who know me know I loathe to put any type of cream on my skin. I just hate the feel of it. But when I was in Ecuador this year, they sold Retinol (the good strength) over the counter, so the devil on my shoulder told me to get it. Its application is now a daily ritual. 

I can't say it's my favorite station, but Apple Music's "Easy listening" essentials is the station I play most frequently. I bet my grandparents would like it, if they were still alive.

Serge and I both forgot our anniversary this year. We realized it ELEVEN days later, a record. The fact that this made us both giggle helplessly mitigates the horror of the memory loss it implies.

I had a follow-up scan this week about a little thingy they found on my lung last year. I'm still waiting to hear from the doctor. I figure it can go two ways, either I'll need some treatment, or I won't. I'll die or I won't. Wait, I will die, just possibly not from the little thingy on my lung.

My ass looks like a plastic grocery bag with just a little bit of water at the bottom of it. If you're sixty, yours probably does too. (At least that's what I tell myself.)

I haven't written here since we lost Georgie, the two of which may be related. I grieved hard, but then something weird happened, the grief became like a testament to my love for him, and then it was easier. The grief has died down greatly, which in a way almost saddens me, because when will I get to feel such an expression of love again? Not that I'm wishing for more grief, that will surely come, that is, if I don't die first.

Last night we sat in a room full of people where old men sang karaoke songs on stage. We were not one of them. Serge asked me, " Does it feel like we are in a retirement home?" I had to shush him. 

Paying attention. Why did I not do this so much before? Like I can sit and watch the birds at the bird feeder for an hour. It's all happening so fast when you pay attention. I make stories up about the bird squabbles and try to figure out the pecking order between species. Fascinating.

We have a commercial-sized recycle container at our house. When Serge brought it home, I thought it was a great idea. We do go through a lot of cans after all. Perfectly normal, right?

Finally for today, I feel much less inclined these days to share, to create, to DO, and more inclined to observe, consume, and BE. So cliched I know. But it's true and lest you think some of my observations are too dark, rest assured that I am just fine and will keep trying to pay attention. I'll do a year review blog by Christmas. Until then, thanks for stopping by. 😊

2023 Recap

Greetings, friends. As I did last year, I thought I would write a recap of the year to close it out (and at least have two blog entries for the year). It has been a year of mostly ups and few downs and here are the highlights, snippets meets holiday letter style.

* It has certainly been a big travel year. I started things out by going down to Ecuador in January for a few weeks and collecting the accumulated interest (8%) from our CD. As always the friends, food and temps were perfect and it felt so short that I scouted out and found an apartment to rent for 10 and half weeks this upcoming January for a total of $1300 USD. This will be the longest period we will have escaped winter and I suspect this trend will continue. Ten blissful weeks with no freezing nor shoveling. And one-dollar tacos and twenty-five-cent cokes.

* Shorty after returning from Ecuador, we went on the camp camper cruise which I organized and got about 20 people to go on from Camp. It was a big success, everyone had a great time and it was fun seeing the first-time cruisers' reactions. I got roped into organizing another one this year which we weren't going to go on, but after going to Camp and being ground down by our friends, we are going to fly back from Ecuador for a week this Feb to go on another camper cruise out of Brooklyn and then fly back to Ecuador. (I'm exhausted just writing that sentence, let alone living it.) The things we do for our friends. (wink)

* A few weeks after the Caribbean cruise, we embarked on the trip of our lifetime, a six-week cruise out of Auckland, New Zealand. This was to celebrate our 30 years together. And celebrate we did. We gathered another crop of Facebook friends from the trip and also decided that six weeks is too long for us to cruise. If you are connected to us on FB, you've seen more than enough on this trip since we both posted lots of pics along the way. 

* After we got back from our amazing journey across the globe, we flew out to Grant's Pass, Oregon for a family gathering to say farewell to my grandmother who had died during the lockdowns of COVID. I honestly have no idea what I said at the memorial, but I'm sure Serge got it on tape. (wait, can we say that anymore?) It had been a long time (too long) since we had a gathering, but as is the nature with families, it was like little time had passed. What better thing is there in life than to have those who are always glad to see you, and you feel the same way?

* To continue with that vibe, our next door neighbors, as I know I've mentioned, have become a really important element in our lives. I don't know if I've ever had relationships where we arrive at each other's house unannounced, any time, to bring treats or ask favors or because the dog feels like getting a cookie. Sometimes family shows up in the most unexpected places. It feels like we have always been friends but we only moved here in 2021. It's like that. Would we dress up ridiculously like this for ourselves? Reasonably questionable.

* This is the title page to my master's thesis paper. It is done. I finished it. I can actually type those words. In the University system that I log into, it shows that I am diploma-ed, so it's really true. I started that journey in 2012 and although there were a couple years off in there to deal with mid-life crises, I plugged away at it and finished. The maximum grade point average you can get is 4.3 (A+) and I finished with 4.2. Not that I'm bragging. (I'm bragging.) Now that that task has been eliminated, I've got time to read again and I am really enjoying Libby, the app that lets me check out books from the library on my ipad. The app says it will be my turn for Britney Spear's memoir in 8 months. I just finished All Grown Up. I checked it out this morning and finished it this afternoon. It made me want to write a blog post. (Reading always makes me want to write.)

* This photo has special meaning for me. It was taken at this year's Campcamp. Earlier in the week I had choked on a banana in front of hundreds of people and had to be heimlicked. It was terrifying. I didn't announce that on social media, but all the secrets come out on the blog. I can't watch it anymore, but you can. I will never look at bananas the same way again. Nor eat them while alone. 

* Finally, we have to say goodbye to George, our best friend. We have already taken the appointment, which we made four weeks in advance but has not arrived yet. Each day is a mixture of sadness, love and quiet confirmation that we are making the right decision. But it is so hard. It is also hard to watch him decline, slowly but surely. We will always, always have him in our hearts like we still do Sara. 

* This holiday season, Serge will stay here in Quebec and visit with his family while I go to California to visit mine. I will also make a quick trip to Palm Springs for a few days to see friends (it seems like everyone is moving to Palm Springs these days). I'm sure you will see all that play out on social media. Here is wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season and health and happiness in the new year. Thanks for stopping by :)