2026 Holiday Letter

 

January:

As each year starts, my mother has a birthday. Here is our group shot from this January at our fave Italian place at South Coast Plaza - Antonellos's. This year, mom has a milestone birthday but it falls on Sunday so we have to go to her second favorite Italian place - Il Fornaio. We are looking forward to it. 

After our visit to California, we made our annual trek to Cuenca, Ecuador where we stayed at our usual place and hung out with our friends (Scott and Curt pictured) and played cards, shopped, ate, and relaxed while NOT shoveling snow, wearing gloves or scraping ice off our cars. We lamented the short trip (only 4 weeks) so we are going for a full two months this year. 

February:

Still in Cuenca, here is my Spanish teacher, Lucia. We meet all year on Zoom for an hour twice a week, and then in person when we are in Ecuador. I've been studying Spanish for over five years now and am functionally trilingual. Not bad for an old man.

From Ecuador, we flew to Miami to go on a Daddy cruise. This is a group organized by a travel agency and we were a small group of 24 strangers on an overcrowded Carnival ship. We had fun although we were really hesitant about returning to Carnival after having traveled on other brands. Luckily, the food was outstanding and we enjoyed getting to know our group. 

March:

What a drag. We came home March 1st to multiple feet of snow. A neighbor had some fun with the snow in front of his house. We spent the month kicking ourselves for coming back so early. There was snow on the ground here until May 5th this year. I'm hoping this el nino winter will be different. 

April:

Still a lot of snow. Here we are at the Sugar Shack. This was an excursion organized by the residents' association where we live and it didn't disappoint. If you ever get a chance to go to one (there are a zillion in Quebec) do it! 

This was also the sad month for Freddy as we had him 'fixed'. I don't know why we do this. I felt so bad for mutilating my dog, and afterwards there was no change whatsoever in his behaviour. He's a good boy, or um eunoch. 

May:

Here we are at Serge's mom's house for her last Mother's Day. If that confuses you, you should read the previous post on this blog. It was then that she announced her intention to have medical assistance in dying (MAID) which made for some rough months ensuing. Especially for Serge.

June:

Here we are celebrating Serge's mom's last birthday, 83. Despite the happy faces, the impending reality of her leaving us weighed heavily as this was her last full month with us. 

July:

July was a rough month, as Serge's mom left us on the 8th. That was one of the most surreal days of my life. Serge and I went to their house around noon to spend the afternoon. She was in great spirits while Serge and Jean-Yves were grim. I mean, there was an awfully big elephant in the room. I tried to keep things light, 'Hey guys! How about we make the last afternoon with Lise a little lighter?' I got ChatGPT to give me some questions for the surreal situation and asked Lise about life events, what she was proud of, etc. Then the first death nurse arrived to install a thing on her arm. She and Lise were laughing and carrying on and all I could think was, Lise is not dying, she's just over it all. Maybe depressed. (Who am I to say, these were just my thoughts.) As six o'clock approached, Lise seemed like it was almost Christmas, really ready to go. Then the death squad arrived. More laughing and carrying on with the doctor and nurse. Then it was time. She laid on her bed and the doctor asked her one last time if this is what she really wanted and she answered in the affirmative. Within two minutes of the first injection she stopped breathing and then the second injection, which stopped her heart, left her limp and slack-jawed. Jean-Yves reached into her mouth and grabbed her dentures. He, Serge and I were crying, I mean of course we were. I was like, how can we be letting this happen? They are MURDERING her. Serge wanted to leave immediately, but I refused and said I didn't trust Jean-Yves with the body. Luckily the guys with the body bag arrived ten minutes later. I watched as they zipped her up. I've come around to understanding that she got to go the way she wanted, with dignity and her wits about her. But I also know that I will never be willingly attending the death of another person. 

The last picture I got from our last afternoon with her. Just an ordinary day.

So yeah, July sucked. Not just because of that, but also because Jean-Yves went completely unhinged afterward and blamed Serge for her death. Cancelled the insurance on the house the day after she died and didn't inform Serge. (Serge inherits the house but he inherits the right to live in it rent-free til he dies.) He continues to threaten Serge and display his homophobia. We have stopped communicating. 

August:

Definitely better than July! We got to visit with friends we hadn't seen and tried to enjoy our rainy summer. We were able to get a couple beach days in (but I never went to the nightclub here this summer) and got ready for our annual reset - CampCamp. Here we are on the way there. We spent the night near the Maine border so we didn't have to drive the whole way in one day.  Camp was great as usual, just happy happy happy, a definite medicine for our crap summer. 

I finally got my team to do a number at Camp this year. We are the transportation team and I had us do 'Fish Heads' for the LipSynch throwdown. It killed. 

September:

Back to work. Freddy always by my side, or more often ON me. I work from home and I've got him trained to let me be while I teach in the morning. Otherwise he would sit on me, and though he is small, after a while his weight starts to hurt. What a good boy, er eunoch.

October:

Fall arrived right on schedule and we did a hike like we do every year. This one was great. It was an hour drive to get there, then a 45 minute steep hike up to the lookout and a leisurely walk back down. There were all sorts of mushrooms too, some edible, but I don't trust my knowledge enough to harvest any. 

I finally got to attend a graduation ceremony for my Master's degree which I completed at the very end of 2023. They only do the ceremony once every three years in the program I did, so it finally happened for me. It was fun seeing all my classmates from my cohort and I noticed that nobody escapes aging. 

Then right at the end of the month, they called up Serge for his hernia surgery. We thought it was gonna be in March but no, he only waited like 3 weeks from when he got on the list. As I write, he is still recuperating with another week left off work. 

November:

Later this month, Serge will turn 60 so I'm taking him on a cruise to the Caribbean. (The booking code is there in the picture if you want to surprise him with a gift) We will see ports we have never seen on this trip and I've got us a walking/eating tour of San Juan which we are both looking forward to. 

December isn't here yet, but we are planning to spend  a couple weeks in Southern California for the holidays to see family and friends and celebrate mom's 80th. 

Accomplishment this year: I quit smoking July 3rd. I think this time it will stick because I'm convinced I will die if I become a smoker again. 

If you lasted this long, thank you. I wish you, dear reader, the happiest of holidays and a very fulfilling and prosperous 2027. At least Herr Cheetoh will be reined in a bit 😀

42 days

 That’s how long my mother-in-law has to live.

I know this because she has chosen MAID—medical assistance in dying, as we call it here in Canada. She has a progressive, fatal illness, and the road ahead is not a gentle one. It’s hard to fault her decision. In fact, it’s hard not to admire the clarity of it.

She has picked her date.

The last time we saw her, she said, almost offhandedly, “I really hope someone else hasn’t taken the spot, because I really want that date.” As if she were booking a table at a restaurant. It was jarring, and yet… completely in character. Practical. Organized. Still managing things.

She’s tying everything up now—making it as smooth as possible for the people she’s leaving behind. Her longtime partner. My husband, Serge.

And yet, smooth is not the word I would use for what’s happening to them.

I think—though I hesitate to say it out loud—that they would both prefer she go “naturally.” Not because they don’t respect her decision, but because this… this feels like watching a clock tick down. It’s too precise. Too scheduled. Too real in a way that doesn’t allow for denial.

I’ve been pushing Serge to call her more. To visit.

He resists.

I couldn’t understand that at first. If you knew someone you loved had only a handful of days left, wouldn’t you want to be there as much as possible?

Last week, I finally convinced him to go.

I wasn’t prepared for what came after.

Serge is a mess.

I keep walking into rooms and finding him sitting there, crying. Not loudly. Just… undone. Sometimes he’ll be in the middle of telling me something completely ordinary, and then his face crumples, and he has to stop. He apologizes, as if this is somehow an inconvenience.

This is not the man I know. Or maybe it is, and I’m only seeing it now.

Friends have told me they understand his reaction. I think I’m starting to, too.

It’s one thing to lose someone suddenly, like when his father died. A massive stroke, and within hours, he was gone. There was shock, and then grief rushed in to fill the space. I remember the funeral home,  his widow and Serge trying to take notes while the representative spoke, both crying, neither really absorbing anything.

This is different.

This is grief with a countdown.

It doesn’t crash over you. It seeps in, day by day, moment by moment. You sit with it. You talk around it. You avoid it. And then it finds you anyway.

I’m trying to be as supportive as I can, though I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be hard on all of us.

Except maybe her.

We’re going to see her next week for her birthday.

Her last birthday.

What do you give someone when you know it’s their last?

I don’t have an answer yet.

Stay tuned.