When I was making my fabulous roast beef and brie and honey mustard sandwich (again) yesterday, a piece of roast beef fell onto the floor and it's just instinct to yell, "Sara!" So I called Sara and spouse reminded me that she's never, ever coming back. This made me mildly bitter so I didn't pick up the fallen roast beef. Later, when spouse noticed the fermenting morsel of meat on the floor, he started bitching about the fact that I had left it there. I said, "See, there's a good way for you to miss having a dog. Now it's your job to pick up after me when I make a mess in the kitchen." And I meant it too.
So then last night after I went to bed, he got it in his head to clip his toenails (he may have had some encouragement from me as I shrieked when he clawed me with them in bed the night before) and though I appreciate the fact that he gathered his clippings to throw them away (instead of putting them on the floor like the slob that I am) my problem was that he never got around to the throwing them away part. So first thing in the morning I was greeted with a pile of the toenail clippings right there on the coffee table. I took a picture (of course) but since spouse cleaned them up right away when he got up, I promised I wouldn't post it. Count yourselves lucky.
I made a second attempt at breadmaking yesterday. I was on the phone to em asking about the recipe she had sent me (I'm still waiting for Rox's recipe) and I scoffed at the 1/4 of a teaspoon measurement in there. How am I supposed to eyeball a quarter of a teaspoon? She laughed at me and assured me that if I had a teaspoon, I also had a 1/4 teaspoon on the measuring spoon ring. She was right. It was a nice surprise to find that I already had the tool. It was irritating though to have to go out and buy powdered milk. Who keeps that on hand anyway? I had no idea where to look for it but got lucky when I was in the coffee aisle (to get coffee) and spotted it. So there in the picture you see the whole wheat bread, successfully made. Bread making recipes are so vague though because every instruction is approximate. Put in 5 to 6 cups of flour and let it set for "about an hour". I hate that. How can you make a consistent loaf? (Insert your own adolescent joke here.)
I imagine the dog instinct will take awhile.
Thank you for sparing me a pictures of toenail clippings this early in the morning.
CoffeeMate isn't powdered milk. You need Carnation Instant Milk. A Bread making machine would be nice too. So would a puppy from the local shelter who needs a home. ed
I agee with Anonymous. You need to save a dog and give him a loving home. A Bread Machine would also be nice. All bread machines though, are not equal. The Wolfgang Puck machine is Fab and makes great bread that does not turn into a brick like other brands do. Well, well worth the investment.
Despite it all, the bread looks delicious! I love a slice of freshly baked (still warm - hot even) bread with butter! One of life's marvelous and decadent pleasures.
I sent the recipe and I included some handy tips that I've learned from my MIL along the way. Try it because these sad little loaves you call bread? Well, they will be a distant memory once you do my recipe! :) Yeah, I'm smack talkin'!
I already told you that I want one with butter and one with butter and jam. And maybe a third piece with butter and honey. As for the toenails....in spite of being a lover of a hot guy's feet, I am not a fan of icky toenails that need clipping.....eeeewwwww.
Boy, the toenails on the coffee table and the slab of beef on the floor.
Could'a been my house. My partner and I have the same thing going on.
Ain't love grand!
1 Sarah is still part of your life although she is not there physically.
2 Cups and teaspoons? Whoa. Do you measure your weight in stones? Totally old school.
3 After reading this post I am convinced that I could never live with someone else again. I leave stuff lying around for days (or longer, until an intervention is called).
I've got a bread recipe that couldn't be simpler, I'll send it to you if you're interested. The more bread-baking you do, the more you'll realize you can finesse the rising times and measurements, but I agree, it's not helpful to write a recipe that vaguely. We need specifics to start with, then we can experiment as we get more experienced.
I'm glad that the second time around worked out. As for measurements with bread making, especially the flour, it really depends on a lot of factors. The flour, humidity, etc.
The more bread you make the more you will get a feel for the way it should look and feel as you are working with it.
Forget the bread makers. It's a lot more fun and physically satisfying to make bread by hand. I can't wait for my stupid wrist to heal so that I can make some more bread myself.
The recipe is quite correct being approximately. The actual amount varies due to humidity, temperature, who's in the White House, etc. You will learn by doing it.
Kneading bread is fun - get your aggression out by punching that dough.
sylvia made me laugh, it's all good for Rox to talk smack but it took long enough to get that recipe (I'm totally ignoring the fact that I took forever sending my recipe), I want Patrick's recipe too, and I agree it's way more satisfing making bread by hand.
So how did they taste? They look good so matter what Rox says.
I am unclear on whether you have an actual bread maker or some sort of pre-mixing-kneading thing? I never had to use powdered milk... seems to me you have weirdly finicky guidelines that came with your equipment. Basic bread is so easy it's a joke.
Didn't Julia Child once issue a 20 page bread recipe?
I'm quite happy to have been greeted by a picture of bread instead of toenails! I had my gag reflexes reminding me they were there without the visual!!
Darlin, you know I love you, but ummm...are you OTR?
I know you are not new to cooking, so how is it possible you never knew that there was a 1/4 teaspoon measure on a measuring spoon ring? Standard rings have: tablespoon, 1/2 tablespoon, teaspoon, 1/2 teaspoon, 1/3 teaspoon and 1/4 teaspoon. Some even have an 1/8 teaspoon measurement.
Mrs Coffeedog used to pick her feet then leave the remains on the living room table. I've admonished her about this so harshly, she knows better now!
I miss you having a dog, if that makes any sense. I miss your stories about being a dog owner, and miss sharing the love you had for Sara.
What Sylvia said, plus whole wheat breads need more liquid and need to be allowed to sit so that the liquid can be absorbed. Otherwise, you end up with too-dense, too-dry bread. Being able to anticipate and adjust for all the little variables is where the artistry of breadmaking comes into play.
Thank you for not posting the pics of the toenail clippings. You know how I am about feet.
Serge's comment about Sara never, ever coming back seems awfully harsh. What got into him?
Toe nail clipping should ONLY be done in the bathroom, alone.
Its odd that your bread recipes are vague, as baking is known for requiring more precise measurements that cooking.
Actually, the best bread recipes start with a set weight of flour, and an approximate volume of water. But no matter whether you measure flour by weight or volume, it takes some experience to recognize the gluten development and do on. Even then, you'll have some weird weather or a the yeast culture will do something odd and you'll have an off loaf. Check the King Arthur flour website, Rose Levy Barenbaum's blog, and Peter Reinhart's "Brother Juniper's Bread Book"
I won't make a loaf joke.
If you were making brownies, that's something else.
Post a Comment