Monday, May 05, 2008

From the spam folder

I can't decide if my favorite is "you're a moron Richard" or "set your wife on fire". There sure are a lot of insinuations that my love wand is lacking in length and girth. If I didn't know better, I'd get an inferiority complex. (wink)

Spouse made one of his spontaneous predictions yesterday. He said, "the dog is going to die when we are on vacation." I hate it when he says things out of the blue like that, because that's the red flag for his clairvoyance. I told him not to say that. Sure enough this morning, Sara is limping worse than ever. She doesn't seem to mind, but it breaks my heart. I hope Serge is wrong, but he's probably right.

22 comments:

Snooze said...

I hope that Sara is there to greet you on your return.

Anonymous said...

I predict Sara will be there to greet you on your return.
I'm always getting spam like this: Bambi wants you now!
or Big Tits just for you! How come I don't get ones like: Elongate your pleasure maker. Every man's ego makes him wish it was bigger. They know what buttons to push. Ed

My adventures said...

Hopefully you've got a wonderfully understading petsitter to do the deed if it needs to be done while your away.

Summer said...

I like "you're a moron Richard" but totally disagree with that statement. I hope that Serge is wrong about Sara. I wouldn't want that on my mind while vacationing. Several years back our border collie got sick and was gone in 6 days. It happened just weeks before we went to Florida. Thank goodness not while on vacation. We had no idea it was going to happen. The trip helped us but it was so tough coming home to an empty house. I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better. Just spend some special time with her. I predict she'll be awaiting your return. When are you leaving?

CoffeeDog said...

Aw {{{Sara}}} I hope she gets through this rough patch ok.

Birdie said...

If my husband set me on fire, he'd have some splaining to do.

Give sweet Sara the best care you can and you can leave with a clear conscience. She's had a good life with you. And she'll greet you joyously upon your return.

Shame on Serge for even saying that out loud, no matter how much he believes it to be true.

Anonymous said...

Maybe she's limping because you guys had rain all weekend. Try not to think about it too much. Denial is a wonderful coping mechanism.

And for the record, women do NOT measure love in inches. We measure love in DOLLARS! Hahahah! I kid.
-Rox

RJ March said...

Shut up, Serge.

Hang in there, Sara.

GayProf said...

Serge might just be expressing his anxiousness rather than his clairvoyance.

I don't think that I have had spam that called me a moron. It doesn't seem like a good start.

Lacey said...

I'm sorry, but Serge is a moron. Sarah will be fine. Geeeeeeeze Serge. Speaking of dying, why don't you go have a cig, Serge?

Java said...

Rox is right about two things: Women do NOT measure love in inches (most of us anyway) and denial is a most wonderful coping mechanism.
I'm always amused when I get spam promising to make my "love wand" even harder and bigger and last longer and improve her pleasure. They're spamming the wrong demographic here.

Greg said...

I hope that Sara will be just fine...think of it this way, at the kennel, she'll have professional care in case she does get to feeling poorly.

Serge should've kept that as an internal thing...

They really called you a moron to sell you "enhancement"? I do smell a moron, but it's sure not you...

Butch said...

I'm hopeful she will be there waiting for you. Many times, a clairvoyant thought can be misread. Here's hoping that Serge's message has nothing to do with Sara.

Anonymous said...

Serge gives me the Willies!

You're a moron Richard...which is exactly why you fit in so well on mah blahrg.

ChickenStrip said...

Oh, God, I hope Sara is okay!

travelling, but not in love said...

It could be a series of instructions (although god knows what for):

First, become a super-hung giant. Then, plunge deeper into her. (Remember, women measure love in inches and your measurement calls for improvement....)

If you can elongate your pleasuremaker, then why not fly her to orgasmic wonderland?

And then when you're done, Set your wife on fire!

Anonymous said...

What I like to call enlargement spam is too funny when you consider the average penis size is between 5 and 6 inches.

Do yourself a favor, download and install a little thing called PopFile. It's a spam filtering proxy for Windows machines.

It uses a Bayesian analysis method to classify spam. Has a nice web UI to re-tag things that it might incorrectly tag as spam or not spam, etc. And over time it's classification accuracy rises. Right now mine is at 99.18% which is damned good.

Interestingly looking at the statistics, real mail messages tend to be more verbose than spam messages.

http://popfile.sourceforge.net/

Anonymous said...

Oh what a dire prediction that Serge made! :-( I hope that Sara is OK and is not in a lot of pain. And to your broken heart....((((Torn))))

Jess said...

George Will once said the good thing about being is a pessimist is that you're constantly proven right or pleasantly surprised. I'd say the same for Serge's pessimistic prediction. I hope Sara is just fine when you get back and remains so for a long time!

dpaste said...

I've only dealt with cats on this issue, but they've always waited for my return before expiring. Only time will tell.

Cooper said...

As disconcerting as it was, I don't think it was wrong of Serge to express his fear about Sara to you. It will be heartbreaking to say goodbye when you leave, but she KNOWS she is loved. I hope she'll be okay until you get back.

Mark in DE said...

Next time Serge says something like that, in your most sarcastic voice reply "Thank you, Mr. The-Glass-Is-Half-Empty!"

Works for me every time. Well, at least I feel better after saying it.

Mark :-)