Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Question of the day

I'd had one of those mornings, woke up late, rushed around to get ready, cut myself up shaving and nearly missed the bus. But once I was on the bus, I noticed the cheerful expressions on the passengers faces, so many smiles on this bus, and I quickly forgot about my harried departure from the house.

Then I had an itch on my neck and I reached up to scratch and blood stained toilet paper tumbled to the floor. See, I had had so many nicks from shaving that I put two panels of toilet paper, one on each side of my neck. And then I forgot that I had placed them there. Must have looked like I was trying to staunch the blood with a feminine pad. Now these panels were floating down to the floor, in what seemed to me to be slow motion. From there on out, I refused to look at anyone on that bus, and when I came home that day, I had a mirror to install at the front door to prevent other such mishaps.

And you, an embarassing experience you care to share? We've all got them.


Jack said...

That was funny.

Falling on the icy sidewalk with my hands in my pockets laughing my head off. People walking by not helping.

And yes I was sober.

Singning to your walkman until you hear yourself and notice others looking at you.

Grabbing an apple at the store and they start rolling to the floor, almost half the display. You just stand there surrounded by apples.

I think I'll stop there...lol

Jane said...

Last week, wearing brown pants at work, I forgot to zip up after bathroom break. Co-worker she spotted my turquoise undies. Thank god she was female.

Anonymous said...

When I was in college, I came home one weekend and my parents and I went shopping. They bought me a suit (off the rack) that evening and I proudly wore it to church the next morning.

As I was sitting in Sunday School that morning, one of my friends leaned over to me and asked if it were a new suit.

"Yes," I answered.

"Did you get it at [store]?" he asked.

"Yes, in fact I did," I answered, thinking he had been there too and had seen the same suit.

"Did you pay $[X] for it?" he inquired.

A bit bothered, I answered, "Yes, I did. How did you know that?!"

"You forgot to take off the tags!"

toobusyliving said...

Too many to count, sadly...I'll think of a good one though and pop back a little later....

Spider said...

Some mornings, my walking out of the house is an embarassment within its self.. there are just too many to mention here! Thank GOD I can laugh at myself - most of the time!

toobusyliving said...

(from a blog post - but it certainly "fits the bill" as embarassing!)

OK. I'm back. I just took an Ativan, so lets tell the story...it's "hillarious."

This was a couple of years ago. So I met this guy at Woody's. We "hit it off," and he lived in the neighbourhood. We had a beautiful evening of lovemaking, although I'm kinda sketchy still on some of the details. I do know that for most of our romantic evening, we weren't facing eachother; in fact, what I do remember is facing a pillow. Anyway - kinda suddenly, very suddenly actually, he told me I had to go home. Was his roommate home or something? He never did say. I left. The next day was a beautiful fall day and I spent the day walking around the city, enjoying the weather and the fall sunshine. What I wasn't enjoying were these cramps I was having. "Darn gas!," I thought. The next day Jimmy, Madamerouge and a few others and I had a lovely brunch in Cabbagetown. Upon returning home,again with the cramps, I retired to the w/c. And finally.....relief. And as I stood-up and looked into the bowl, assembled friends mere meters away heard me scream.

There was a golfball sized fluorescent orange ball in the bowl, along with the usual suspects. Ohmigod...make this go away...how...why?..And then I flushed. And it clogged. And after lots of panicky plunging I came to terms at least with one fact: I had to call a plumber.

So plumber arrives amid giggling friends in livingroom. Charming middle-aged East Indian man. "I have no idea what it could be," I tell him, "although I had my young nephews over yesterday, so who knows." I swear it seemed like he was in there for hours, and, finally, after taking the toilet off it's base plumber walkes into the livingroom.

"Is a Bahhlll....," he says. Ok, great..thanks!!!

"But," he insists on continuing, "why for a bahhll, is strange for a bahllll..."

I swear I'm going to scream. "How much....!!!," grabbing the ball. Howmanydollarsdoyouneedtoleaverightnow!!! It was $200. After some wine I started to finally reflect, trying to decide just what the worst part of this nightmare is. Could it be that not only did I have no idea that it was even inside my body at all, but that it was there for two days?. And what about the guy from two nights before - did he think if he kicked me out that I'd never fin

St. Dickeybird said...

Hahaha, I hate when I leave for work, toiletpapered!

Timmy said...

HAHA! Hope today is better for you!

I do have stories, I just do not care to share them.

Enemy of the Republic said...

I have a dress that has two layers. If I go to the bathroom and don't pull it down properly, my gorgeous behind is up for view.
And usually someone has to tell me, because I am oblivious. How's that for embarrassing?

Anonymous said...

When I accidentally outed our former mayor Barbara Hall at an awards banquet. I was ready to walk out the door and pretend that job never happened.

Anonymous said...

My life is a series of embarassing moments, strung together to form one big blur.

It's what separates us from the apes. Haha god, that is turning into my line of the week!

Anonymous said...

I quite often put on my shirts and pants with the size sticker on them. Nothing like having your waistline displayed repeatedly down your leg as you walk into a client's office.

madamerouge said...

About 13 years ago, I tried out a new health club in the small town I was living in. I found a hot tub in the men's changeroom... so I shucked my suit and went in.

But I was no longer in the men's changeroom. Rather, I was in the common area. And I had gone through no doors or transition areas to alert me to the fact.

Just a lovely experience, with the horrified look on the female attendant's face when she saw my suit on a chair beside the tub.

Needless to say, I never went back.

dpaste said...

Here's the shortlist:

1. Using my beard trimmer to give myself my monthly haircut, I managed to shave a square bald spot into the lower back of my head.

2. As a teen, once I was leading services at my temple and suddenly got nauseous and threw up right there on the altar.

3. 7th Grade: tried to hold the pee too long and didn't make it to the boy's room in time.

4. At my first sex party, someone graphically demonstrated to me why I should douche in the future.

5. Nodding off on the subway only to awaken and discover a large drool spot on my shirt.

daveincleveland said...

two things come to mind for me....2 months ago, in a major freekin hurry to get to work, getting dressed in the dark, 2 different shoes on....had important meeting that morning with GM about some new service policies they are implementing on the dealership level, the other one was in 6th grade, playing football at recess, course i was always the last one picked, i caught the ball and tossed to the wrong team.......duh.....never got picked again.....

Snooze said...

Hee-hee - poor you.

My four year-old neighbour was playing in my living room while his mum and I sat and chatted. He grabbed a blanket off my couch and my vibrator went flying into the middle of the floor.

Snooze said...

PS TBL, that is just demented. Hilarious!

nongirlfriend said...

Too many to mention.

Let's just say keep me away from the phones when I am intoxicated.

The Lone Rangers said...

Dozing off while a client was talking to me, face to face. (I later found out I had the flu.

dirk.mancuso said...

As if I haven't shared enough horrific things, one time I was extremely drunk and fell into a band's speakers/amps while trying to dance. Do I need to add that things got real quiet while they were extricating me from the mess I'd made?

S said...

I'm perfect...ly disastrous.

Most of my embarrassing stories involve nudity. And, I'll leave it at that.

_Psycho said...

I cant remember anything very embarrasing. Maybe except like trying a new pair of shoes and having big hole in the sox ;) I never used toilet paper when i shave, but i never really cut myself, not sure how you can do that ;)

Nicki said...

I knocked over an entire shelf of tampons when I walked by quickly and shot my arm out to grab a box without drawing any attention from the uber hot stock boy a couple feet away. Yeah. It's hard to tell who was more red-faced.