* Where did the word "bulldozer" come from? I fail to see the relationship between the machine and sleeping bovine.
* Here's a fun trick at work. Place a dollop of whip cream/sour cream/mayo etc. on the ear end of the receiver of the telephone. Push the hold button and replace the receiver. Tell the intended target there's a call for them. (Be careful who you set up! A response of rage is a distinct possibility.)
* If 9/11 hadn't occurred, do you think Iraq would still have been invaded?
* I was horrified to learn that in North Korea, the state begins caring for children at six months of age. The indocrination officially begins then.
* I can safely say that I fully understand the phrase, "Buyer beware" now.
* The doctor asked if I had signs of depression. I said, "Yes, but isn't that normal when you buy a building full of deadbeat drug addicts and you stay up nights fretting about it?"
* Favorite Seinfeld lines. Elaine: It shrinks? Jerry: Mulva? George: Vandalay! Vandalay! Kramer: People kept ringing the bell!
* You know why we haven't switched to ethanol yet? Multi-national oil companies protecting their profits, that's why. This is the loophole that the virus enters in the Capitalism software.
* A sense of entitlement is the direct opposite of gratitude.
* My cousin had a baby. (Congrats!) Now what is my relationship to this new being? Second cousin?
* I once had a customer who informed me that she was seriously allergic to California wine. I managed not to burst out laughing.
* You get much more in life by simply replacing "I want" with "I need" when making requests. (It's an old trick I learned from a former boss.)
* We've switched to police officer, firefighter, and flight attendant. But a manhole is still a manhole. (Insert crude double entendre here.)
* It's simply impossible for you to lick your elbow.
27 comments:
your (first) cousin's baby is your first cousin once removed.
kinda contradictory description for someone who's just arrived now that I think about it!
Re using "I need," this article may be thought-provoking.
" sense of entitlement is the direct opposite of gratitude." How true is this...
And THANK GOD a manhole is still a manhole!
And I will spend all weekend trying to lick my elbow since you have told me it is impossible to do so - I am just like that..
Why would you wanna lick your elbow?!
I think there are better things to lick!?
Remind me NEVER to work with you - or at least while doing so never to answer the phone!
Silent songster is correct: the baby is your first cous' once removed and you are the same thing to him/her as well. If you had a child, that child would be a second cousin to this baby.
Finally - not that your posts are not always worth reading (they are), but this one was worth the price of admission solely for your line about entitlement and gratitude! Kudos!
I used to have brunch at a bathhouse-type-place, that shut down for Sunday Brunch hours, the Toolbox.
For some reason, I always ended up seated under a construction sign that said "Caution: Open Manhole."
heehee
if 9/11 hadn't happened, Iraq wouls still have been inveded. Bushie had a hardon for doing it since before he got appointed to President by the Supreme Court. They were making plans for invasion prior to 9/11.
And while it's impossible to lick your elbow, it's quite nice to lick someone's elbow...depending on the person and the situation.
elbows are never acceptable licking material, EVER.
I love going to Manhole in Chicago.
i always liked mr. costanza's line to elaine at the police headquarters... "you wanna piece of me?"... that was on the other night and i saw it on a bloopers show... julia couldn't keep a straight face and it was hysterical!!
Yeah, your second cousin would be your relationship to the child of your mother's (or father's) cousin ... I believe.
I remember seeing something on the news about some irate lesbians (or something) wanting "manhole" changed to something else. Guess it never happened. People have way too much time on their hands.
The bulldozer line comes from the noise they make while they're sleeping (the animal, not the machine).
And, the whole elbow thing? Why would I want to do that? And, why did I try (and succeed) licking it?
apparently today will be a pedantic day for me. and so in that spirit:
actually, ethanol is an environmental disaster. some environmental groups are very against it.
basically more fossil fuel is used to create it (refine it?) than would be used if one just used the fuel directly in cars.
also, man-hole covers are technically refered to as access hole covers (man-holes as access holes, which of course is sending me into peels of giggling because of the double entendre ideas). but we still say man-hole because it's more fun, and ingraned in our society. an awful lot of folks still say fireman, policeman etc.
okay, annoying pedanticness done. ;)
I love manholes.
I remember learning about "need" vs. "want" at an assertiveness training seminar. Love it.
'Course I had to try to lick my elbow
The snippets are great as usual. I am reminded of this story: A guy dies and asks St. Peter, What is the difference between Heaven and Hell?" St. Peter said, "I'll show you" and he took him to a room with a long table full of all kinds of food. There were people seated all along it. The guy noticed that every person there had hands shaped like spoons and about three feet long. They were unable to bend so the people were starving and crying and wailing. Everyone was skinny. Then St. Peter took the guy to another room. These people also had hands shaped like spoons and three feet long. But they were laughing and talking and looked well fed. The guy said, "I don't understand, why are these people happy and well fed and the others starving?" St. Peter said, "these people are in Heaven and the others in Hell, You see in Heaven folks care about and feed each other"!
There are needs and wants, and then there are desires. Desires are best.
I often marvel at my cat's ability to lick nearly any spot on her body. The only places she can't lick directly are her face above her eyes back to her neck. It's an old joke to say, "If I could do that, I'd never leave the house," but it's so true.
The reason manhole is still around is because if we said, "womanhole," we wouldn't be able to stop giggling.
What kind of wine was your customer not allergic to? She probably was conservative and couldn't drink anything grown in progressive soil.
I hope things clear up with your building woes, and soon!
*hugs*
If 911 hadn't occurred we (Americans) would be in a much different place. Big brother would certainly be a bit more in check.
Why is it that every friggin' time I read that I can't lick my elbow I try? Why? I am an intelligent human and yet I try every time, thinking that I am extraordinary in some way. And wouldn't that be just my luck? That I would be extraordinary only in being able to lick my own elbow. They should have a character who can do that on Heroes.
"It's simply impossible for you to lick your elbow."
Did you need some help with that, dear?
After all, that's what friends are for.
Some how this one got stuck in my head forever:
Elaine and Jerry's friend:
"You've GOTTA see the BABY!!!!!"
Count me among those who tried to lick their elbow the second they read that.
Jerry: But I don't wanna be a pirate!
Jerry and George: "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"
Elaine: Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
And then there's this one from George which is something I am beginning to think may have some merit: "I'd rather be dating the blind. You know, you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her."
I didn't know that about the elbow. I think Iraq would have been invaded anyway--Bush and Cheney immediately began looking into possible spins for starting that conflict upon election. 9/11 gave it to them in a basket since the American public was so terrified anyway, Bush could have said there were terrorists on the moon and there would have been spaceships deployed immediately. Funny you should mention that; on my blog, we've had a big argument over that war, stemming from my disgust with Kerry's remarks and the Democrats' amazing ineptitude to take a golden opportunity to defeat the Republicans. Expect more Americans in Canada any day.
I knew there was a neutral term for manhole cover - I'm glad Mainja remembered what it was. I don't mind the new term at all.
I loved your answer to your doctor's diagnosis of depression. Absolutely dead on.
Too many snippets to respond to individually. Plus it's Monday and I'm tired.
If you can kiss your elbow, it's supposed to mean you are one of the fairy folk. I saw that in some work of fiction I read when I was a child.
"If you can kiss your elbow, it's supposed to mean you are one of the fairy folk. I saw that in some work of fiction I read when I was a child."
That would be "No Flying In The House"
http://www.amazon.com/Flying-House-Harper-Trophy-Paperback/dp/0064401308
:)
Shannon
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