Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Fecal information

Here's my favorite page in this book I got for Christmas. Who knew "number two" had so many types? Still, when I saw this page, I nodded with recognition at each one. Most days, I produce types 4-6, but types 1-3 make an appearance now and then, usually when I'm on vacation. It's interesting to note that type 1 has spent the most time in your colon, while number 7 (what we refer to around here as "shitting water") has spent the least time there. What you want though is number 4. The perfect turd. It slides out effortlessly and doesn't leave you with that annoying feeling of having left something behind. It has spent just the right amount of time incubating in the colon. I feel smug this morning as I've just finished producing type 4. How about you?

37 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my. I needed you to help me study such shit when I was in school; I wasn't interested in the GI tract at all back then.

Of course, I bet I could have found distractions with you that I could have found far more interesting too!!

-C

Snooze said...

I have yet to produce for the day but normally it's type 4. I knew about the Bristol stool scale, but this is by far the clearest graphic I've seen of it. Love it!

Anonymous said...

The one i seem to do most often looks like number four but it is sticky and doesn't end but seems to just squeeze off for awhile. I think I'm not getting enough fiber. This is just what I wanted to discuss this morning. I don't usually "go" until after I've had my Coffee. It gets me moving in the morning! Ed

Anonymous said...

I've been reading the book "You, the Owners Manual" and they suggest that the best turd is like number 4 which "enters the water like Greg Louganis".

dpaste said...

I'm going to have to stop reading this in the morning while eating breakfast if this trend continues.

Ugh.

Anonymous said...

I am reminded of a part of Kurt Vonnegut's Player Piano in which the main characters are scoping out a farm and meet the caretaker who takes his leave of these "elite" characters by telling them that he has a doctorate in pig shit, horse shit, and cow shit" and that he needs to go out and work on his thesis. (or something to that effect)

latt├ęgirl said...

Now I don't even want breakfast.

Birdie said...

OMG. TMI. TMI. TMI.

Patricia said...

i'm not even gonna tell you what pregnancy is doing to my output. or lack thereof. there, i've said it.

i seem perpetually stuck at number one while trying to go #2.

Rox said...

Typically I make 3's but lately it's been 6's right across the board. I have the occasional 4 and the occasional 1. It really depends on how much stress I am feeling/what I've had to eat.

Where did Laverne find this precious book because I'm about as fascinated with the poo as you! :)

Paul said...

I can't believe that there really have been over 125,000 copies of that book sold. With that many interested parties, someone needs to start a convention of poop watchers.

GayProf said...

I have got to eat more fiber.

BentonQuest said...

I tend to be a 4 or 6 guy myself. I find 7 to be frightening.

S said...

I love poo posts!

And, to answer your question, my throne is still unused as of this moment.

Anonymous said...

Even as crass is measured on *our* scale, this one is amazingly over the top. Congratulations, my friend, you are the champ.

Lyvvie said...

Poo is so annoying!! I find the healthier I eat, the softer and mushier (5/6) the poo, but if I eat junk/fast food I'll make a four. Honestly if one is to produce the perfect poo then one should be eating perfect food but I'm beginning think that fiber and healthy eating = runs. Not only the runs but about four doses per day.

Hand me the Happy Meal, I need to slow down. (Bring on the "Full of shit" comments!)

Mark in DE said...

I bet you've been reading this book like a 13-year old boy with his dad's Playboy!

Mark :-)

Steven said...

OMG! So glad I caught this post in the afternoon! But (no pun intended), I will admit that when I clicked on the photo, Type 1 looked like Goobers or Whoppers and Type 2 looked like Raisinets right out of the box and clumped together. I must be getting hungry.

Anonymous said...

Type 7 is also known as Hershey Squirts. Just thought you might like to know that.

CoffeeDog said...

I hate the number 1 poop, SO not satisfying. I suffer from Number 6 a lot. When I am home in my own house I can do 6 all day long. Somedays I feel like a poopin' machine.

Summer said...

One thing I can tell you about poo is that Carnation Instant Breakfast made mine like concrete. If someone had told me I was full of shit, I'd have to agree, literally, It felt like I was full of it up to my chest. I'll never take doing a 10-200 as it's called in my house for granted again.

Anonymous said...

Why, TW. I'm glad I finished my lunch before visiting you today.

dantallion said...

I wonder what makes a person decide to study, analyse, and publish data on poo?

A Lewis said...

I knew it was too good to be true. We've existed barely half a month of a brand new year with talking about dung.....but you've ruined us...again. Ah, shit.

Anonymous said...

You're bad! Given that I hadn't "produced" yet earlier today when I read this post, I didn't think much more of it (other than thinking that you continue to think way too much about poo) and didn't leave a comment. But later, as I rushed over to "produce," I remembered this post and felt as though I had a homework assignment, namely "Give my rating for today's production to Torn."

Drumroll please!

Sorry, the result doesn't fit in a neat category. It was a 3-and-a-half.

Anonymous said...

All this does is convince me that what I witnessed in 2girls 1cup was indeed fake. Thank you.

David said...

Everybody Poops

Thydess said...

very interesting.... i remember fondly candi-turd #1 as common in suckling babies....

:) always a fun read here at tornwordo

Catherine said...

OMG What a GREAT post!!! LOL Another blogger told me about you and I'm so glad that he did. I will definitely be back again.

I'm also adding you to my blogroll if you don't mind.

I laughed A LOT about this post because of what has been going on with me lately...I have been more of a type 7 or 8 lately, which isn't documented in your book. :)

Catherine said...

Actually, I added you to my blogroll and told others about you in a post. Your post is still cracking me up!

PG said...

And Sinatra sings ...
Call me unpredictable
Call me unequivocal
Call me poopendicular BOY!!!!!!

PG said...

OK, let's make this real and yet somehow esoteric, not merely visual logs somehow utilitarian, 'cause a good poop is not just shyte!

1. truffles

2.O'Henry

3. alligator pie

4. salsice

5. caraMEL!

6. hash browns

7. Buckley's

oh regretable, degenerate toi ... pi moi

just to make this tangible, edible, ...

dirk.mancuso said...

Type 1 looks like Whoppers to me.

Greg said...

Wow. But you can never have too much information.

My adventures said...

your obsession with all things fecal never ceases to make me laugh and for that, i thank you!!!

Anonymous said...

WHY???!!!

TJ said...

See what happens when I spend ten days in hospital; I miss a poop post! Well I guess I didn't really miss it but I did have to wait to catch up on my reading. Only you could do such a post. Very interesting in an odd sort of way.