Friday, July 29, 2005

Apparently life begins now

Forty years ago today, my mother suffered a good bit to squeeze me through her loins. Since then, a number of events have shaped me to be who I am today. I can't really say which events played the biggest role, just that taken together, they have led me to this day and the incredible unimaginable life I'm leading right now. If you had told me that one day I would be speaking French and living in a foreign country, I wouldn't have believed you (French always scared the shit out of me) and yet, here I am.

I figure if I were wine, I'd be just about ready to drink right now. Twenty years ago I was far to young and bitter and at thirty some of my harsher edges had been smoothed, but today, finally, maturity.

That said, and to avoid descending into some sentimental morass, I give you:

Top Ten Reasons Turning 40 Sucks

10. People are more interested in your money than your looks.

9. It's no longer cool to smoke a joint.

8. Gray pubes.

7. A semi qualifies as hard.

6. Napping becomes involuntary.

5. You start smelling the way you remember grandpa did when you were young.

4. You tsk tsk the younger generation.

3. When you say something about David Bowie, younger people say, "Who's that?"

2. Your face starts looking like a roadmap.

1. When your ass hurts, it's not because of the hot sex you had, it's because of hemmorhoids.


Lee said...

Well, I'm waving flags and putting out bunting!

But only because I can't start work without them.

Happy birthday!

r said...

Oh, happy birthday, dear friend.

I really hope you don't go jumping out of a plane or anything to celebrate.

I have a card for you. Which is still sitting in the pocket of the bag I brought to Vegas earlier this month, which I had every intention of giving you there, and then which I had every intention of mailing to you before today, and which...

You can expect a belated card.

You do know that there's all kinds of love beening sent your way, right?

Anonymous said...

#9 - you will always be cool and I hope we can smoke together forever! (maybe not on this earth though)
#8 - remember Richie wanted me to dye them (it)
#7 - not to us women!!
#4 - well, they suck
#3 - try telling someone under 30 that you saw Led Zeppelin live three times. They back away like you are allready dead!
#2 - stop smiling

You'll always be younger than me!
Happy Happy Birthday, my friend
love, D

PĂȘcheuse said...

I don't remember any suffering, only the joy.