Thursday, July 21, 2005

Ten fantasies

Child dancing at sunset.

1. In a stunning act of bad planning, secret service hustle Mr Bush into a nearby dive to avoid the Jehovah's Witnesses tambourining down the street. Once inside, the secret service are mobbed by a group of drag queens and poor Georgie gets dragged to the back room. He appears sore-assed and in a pink tu-tu on Face the Nation the next morning. He giggles and fans himself. After that, everything changes.

2. For reasons only the karmically enlightened can discern, Rick Santorum is mobbed and beaten in Jamaica, accused of being a "batty boy".

3. Aliens visit Earth, apologize profusely, and whisk Tom Cruise back to their world.

4. Whales grow legs and walk out of the sea to kick some serious butt.

5. Three words: multiple orgasm pills.

6. America becomes humble instead of arrogant, the preferred scenario of course would spare all of my loved ones any hardship. (Michael Moore for president?)

7. Arnold Schwarzenegger is swiftly castrated during a bizarre incident involving the office paper cutting tool. "There is a ruler at the edge of the cutter and I was snapping a picture for my dudesnude profile, when the handle came down," he trills in his new girly-man voice.

8. I apply for and get a job which only requires me to breathe. Any government job will do.

9. A remake is made called "Marty Poppins" featuring a dandy boy from the land of pederast. (Just a spoonful of jism helps the med...well you get the idea) *No flaming please, it's called humor, if you find it in bad taste, fuck off

10. I marry my man and move to a foreign land where we can live our lives in a peaceful and tolerant society. Someplace like Canada. Oh wait.


Lee said...

I sniggered over the Tom Cruise thing. What an odd creature. Can we just fire him into the atmosphere like dead Scotty's going to be?

r said...

"America becomes humble instead of arrogant, the preferred scenario of course would spare all of my loved ones any hardship. (Michael Moore for president?)"

As much as I enjoy him, "humble" isn't a word I'd use to describe Mr. Moore.

funny, witty post. liked the part about the whales kicking ass.

r said...

I forgot to say how much I love the picture.

tornwordo said...

You might need to look up the word humble...."not arrogant or prideful"

Can you fight for a cause and be humble?

I say, yes you can.

r said...

You might need to take another look at who we are talking about.
You don't think Michael Moore is arrogant or prideful?

I do. Not that I don't agree with some of what he says, but you have to have some pair of balls to make the movie he did, and do the things he does.

Just saying.

tornwordo said...

I'm charmed that you came back and answered after all this time. I always thought of it like, he is so incensed at the arrogance of others that he has the balls to call them out. He says and does the things we are afraid to step up and do. He's courageous.