After thirteen years with a person, you get pretty used to their shit. And by shit I mean, habits, likes, dislikes, moods, and behavior patterns. We've all got them and with any luck, we find partners willing to put up with them. The fastest way to the destruction of a relationship is when one of the parties thinks they can actually change the other, but then you knew that, didn't you?
I was hacked off by spouse twice yesterday and unfortunately for him, I'm going to tell you about it. The first was when I made dinner (steak, pasta and brussel sprouts) and served it. He bitched and moaned about the quantity (he always says my portions are too big, but come on, it was 3 brussel sprouts, a tiny bit of pasta because I know he gets cranky about big portions, and a nice juicy steak) and whined bitterly about how I will never learn. I thought the plates looked beautiful and delicious and was quite clipped that none of his bitching was preceded by "thank you". Sometimes I think we are more civil to complete strangers on the telephone than we are to each other.
Then when I woke up at 1:30 last night to go pee, I saw that he was at my computer using the mouse and the keyboard! He saw me and before I could say a word, he said "You had a virus. I'm fixing it!" Of course I was upset because the last time he dickered with my computer, files mysteriously disappeared (it's not his fault, he swears) and so I went to stand next to him to monitor what he was doing on my computer. Plus I was in wadded pantyland because I wanted to be back in bed. He was supremely irritated that I was treating him like a child. Sigh. When he came to bed a few minutes after, we took careful pains not to touch each other in any way, both of us petulantly holding our little grudge.
So today I have to calm myself down, take a deep breath and remember those good things. Like the fact that he sets up the coffee pot every night so that I will have hot coffee ready for me when I wake up. (I always get up first) Really, I owe him a lot of patience and tolerance just for that thing there.
That coffee trick does negate the other points. That is worth gold. Now go and hug Spouse.
Sam and I have only been together for about a year and a half and reading this makes me wonder if things would get like this in 12 year's time... :S
Hug it out, it will be okay.
V gets mad at me when I lose it and nag him (only happens about three times a year, since we don't live together).
I get irritated with him a lot more than that. He has the patience of Job.
Mrs Coffeedog and I fight like young children, you are not alone!
That's the key. To know what pisses you off about them ... and to get over it.
Good for you.
It really is a case of Give and Take.
Hmmmmm giving me deep thought this morning. Interesting post
I remember not so long ago telling my psychiatrist that I just "wasn't the kind of person who could stand it while I am watching TV and my partner is clicking peanut shells beside me or other irritating things."
Sometimes though, just between us, when it's late and dark and quiet I think think that I wouldn't mind so much being "irritated" by someone in the room.
And here's your musical inspiration for the day
....You can live a life of luxury, if that's what you want-
Taste forbidden pleasures, whatever you want-
You can fly away to the ends of the world,
But where does it get you to,
'Cause just when you least expect it, just what you least expect-
Love Comes Quickly............ :)
I hope he reads this post today. We all need to hear (or read) things from the other person's prospective. You may hear more thank you's and he will also know your are forever grateful for the coffee setup each night.
Although I'm guilty of doing this (ask Madamrouge), I CANNOT stand when people fiddle with my computer.
Lord...Joel and I have those days but it is part of 2 people making one life (and besides...make-up sex is always the best).
i think it's hard for any relationship to not have such quirks. i know john and i are guilty of such things, but they're pretty small in comparison to the benefits, it's just easy to get wrapped up in them.
My wife woke me up at 3 am told me she was hot and our apartment was stuffy and that I should "Do something about it!" I don't mind doing these things... I don't even tremendously mind being awakened at 3 am to do these things. But I wasn't a fan of the snippy tone she took with me... Especially after I closed all the windows, turned on the AC unit, refilled and turned on the humidifier and got her a glass of water.
Glad to hear that the two of you are NORMAL! People who say they "never fight" or "always get along" drive me mental. How could you? You are meshing two personalities into one big life, there are bound to be collisions!
Hope things mellow out for you soon.
"... we took careful pains not to touch each other in any way, both of us petulantly holding our little grudge."
Wow, I deliberately make sure my elbow, knee or toe are as close as possible to the hubs when in that pissy-mad stand-off because it first annoys the crap out of him, and then he tries to push me away, complains about me hogging the bed, then he laughs and then it's ok to fall asleep.
Never go to sleep angry - be annoying and win.
I love that trick, Lyvie!
I usually have to perform "system restore" after Jimmy visits.
I know you know this, but I'll mention it again, in light of this post: you are so lucky to have someone in your life.
I used to hate it when the ex-bf would "fix" my computer, even though there was nothing wrong with it, and in the meantime, delete programs or files I "didn't need". I think the fight was justified.
Yup - you do sound like an old married couple. I'm glad you're both able to realise just how beautiful that is when these little annoyances pop up between you.
And lyvie: "Never go to sleep angry - be annoying and win." LOL that's perfect!
if my spouse were to complain about large portions, i swear i'd serve him one bite of everything, smile sweetly and bid him bon appetit! i say the first bad word about a meal cooked for a person automatically makes them the next chef.
but then i'm a bitch like that.
I am no doctor, but couldn’t part of your level of annoyance be related to that whole nicotine dependence thing? I am not saying, I am just saying.
the steak thing would have annoyed me too.
Oddly, Himself & I are coming up on our 13th anniversary as well. We're both experts (sadly) at the art of the exquisitely polite silence - and I can honestly say I'd much prefer to have a nice quick bout of snippiness any day.
Life's too short to hold grudges, and kudos to you for working through it by remembering the good stuff.
P.S. I think GayProf's got a good point - you're probably a bit "twitchier" than normal due to the nicotine withdrawal.
Twitchy or not... I expect both of you to have these kinds of spats. You always realize in the end that the good outweighs the bad.
And that's what's important, right?
I agree with Lyvvie ;-)
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